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19 yo daughter's boyfriend spending the night

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 11:43 AM
  • 9 Replies
So a bit of an update.... MTT husband, daughter, and I recently moved a little more than 2 hours away due to my husband getting a new job. My daughter was heart broken since this meant moving away from her boyfriend of 9 months. To make the transition a little easier, we said that he is more than welcome to come as often as he wants and can spend the weekend on occasion. Our new house is a bilevel and we have a pull out sofa in the lower level where he can sleep. This weekend was his first stay. We don't know him well, but he seems like a good kid. What we did not count on was for the pull-out sofa to be open within an hour of him being here and then just wanted to hang out down here on the bed watching TV all weekend. My husband especially was extremely uncomfortable with this. Every time we walk down there was nothing terrible going on, but it was still uncomfortable. I don't mind this kid being here as often as he wants, but sharing a room is definitely not okay with us, and this bed being pulled out in the basement didn't make it much different. Granted, she did go into her own room around 1 a.m. to bed. Since they weren't doing anything wrong, I don't want to turn it into a huge issue, but how can I casually mention that the sofas should stay up here until bedtime LOL?
by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 11:43 AM
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by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 11:47 AM
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Personally, I see no reason to make it casual. Since she lives at home, pull her aside and just tell her straight up that the sofa will remain a sofa until separate bed times. If she wants to act like an adult, she can live on her own like an adult. It's still your home and you are still the parent. She's 19, not 35. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home.

by Susie on Feb. 21, 2017 at 12:14 PM
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I don't see anything wrong and yes, in my home they would be sleeping in seperate rooms even as adults.  I wouldn't make a big deal though as long as they know you may be walking down there whenever you want.  I wouldn't feel uncomfortable.  It is the same as cuddling on the couch to me really.  

by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 3:10 PM
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I would just remind her of the house rules and express that you feel uncomfortable with the sofa being folded out into a bed.  She and the guy should be able to understand this fine point without taking offense. 

by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 3:27 PM

Maybe I am old fashion in this and I just see as asking for trouble. I know we always want to trust our children and think nothing will go wrong but as you said you do no know the young man that well.

Allowing them to be laying around in the bed all weekend is a little bit rediculous. I agree in making sure that couch is a couch until she is up in her own bedroom and still I would be leary. My best friend became pregnant at 17 and had an abortion before she was out of highschool because her boyfriend was from an upstanding family and she was supposedly turstworthy as well. And there was a whole floor between where she slept and he slept with his parents room on the floor in between. So they thought all was safe.  Where there is a will there is way and you don't need a bed to what teenagers tend to do wether we like it or not. 

I would flat out make sure(if she isn't already) your daughter is on birth control and he knows how to use a condom. I didn't seen where you mentioned there ages? And would I lay out the rules for them flat out. If he dosen't or she dosen't want to obey them, then he no longer comes for visits.

by Jeanine on Feb. 21, 2017 at 9:33 PM

I would be telling them the couch will stay a couch until it's bed time.

by Angie on Feb. 21, 2017 at 9:34 PM
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I would just tell her, I want the sofa closed till bedtime, and actually, I want you guys up in the main house, not downstairs on the sofa.  Dont feel badly, you dont have to let him stay there, at all.

by Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 7:05 AM
I would not feel comfortable. Because I would feel responsible if something was to happened.

I would prob hope they would break up and she finds a new one.
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2017 at 8:54 PM
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My oldest is 19, living away at  college and definitely having overnights with his girlfriend. 

I don't have young children in my home, so I personally wouldn't be sweating whether they snuggled up on the couch or slept in the same bed.  

by Member on Feb. 25, 2017 at 8:48 AM

Mine is not away yet.   Both her and her bf have temporarily left school until they figure out what they want to do.  Although I don't mind him coming over often, I am not comfortable with seeing or hearing anything lol.  I don't mind a bit of snuggling, but I really am not comfortable with them sleeping together or hanging out in bed.  A place to crash, certainly.  A place to lay around and make out...not so much!

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