Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My daughter came out today

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2017 at 11:38 PM
  • 13 Replies

I know I don't write on here much, lots has been going on.  Now I have a new thing.  My daughter is gay.  She doesn't like the word lesbian, just gay.  I'm okay with it and has suspected for a while.  Now I am not sure where the boundries are.  Do I ask if there is someone she's interested in?  Stuff like that.  I'm in uncharted territory because I've known several gay men, but not women.

by on Sep. 22, 2017 at 11:38 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
valkay
by Bronze Member on Sep. 22, 2017 at 11:42 PM
Treat her the same as would a straight kid.
Joyzap2003
by Member on Sep. 22, 2017 at 11:59 PM
Before you ask her if there is someone she is interested in or if she has a partner ask yourself if you prepared to accept and welcome that person into your heart and family. If you can't then don't ask her about it.

When DH's niece came out his brother-in-law had a hard time accepting it. Not because she is a lesbian and not because he didn't love and accept her wife. The girls had grown up together and were best friends. He had and still had a hard time accepting it because he wants to be a grandfather and that will never happen. She and her wife do not want children and he and DH's sister lost their son when he was 8 years old.
fantasticfour
by Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 12:19 AM

My daughter always has and still wants children.  I also have 4 kids.  2 I know are straight, 1 I don't know because I honestly think he is so afraid of failure he refuses to ask anyone out (he's 21) and my 19 year old daughter who is gay.

I told me children when they were younger and I still feel the same way.  I don't care if you bring home Bubba or Bertha as long as they treat you right.  I have NO problem meeting a girlfriend.  At all.  

Problem is, we always teased all the kids (we're that family) about boy/girlfriends and I don't want her to feel we are "pushing" but I also don't want her to feel that we don't' accept.  I don't really know the rules. 

She's going to a pride festival tomorrow (ditched our annual festival which happens to be tomorrow too) and my husband (dad) asked her if she's going to look for a girlfriend there.  I was appalled and terrified!  Is that allowed?  To tease her like that??

I just don't know the rules of a newly come out gay person.


Quoting Joyzap2003: Before you ask her if there is someone she is interested in or if she has a partner ask yourself if you prepared to accept and welcome that person into your heart and family. If you can't then don't ask her about it. When DH's niece came out his brother-in-law had a hard time accepting it. Not because she is a lesbian and not because he didn't love and accept her wife. The girls had grown up together and were best friends. He had and still had a hard time accepting it because he wants to be a grandfather and that will never happen. She and her wife do not want children and he and DH's sister lost their son when he was 8 years old.


Joyzap2003
by Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:21 AM
If there are any rules I haven't been told what they are. I have 5 children. The oldest says she is bi but she has only been with men so I find it hard to believe. She is 33 and has 4 children My oldest son has had a few girlfriends but I don't think he will ever get married or have children. He is 33 and has been diagnosed with a few mental illnesses. My middle son is 24 and has had several girlfriends but he hasn't found anyone he wants to settle down with yet. My youngest son is 19 and had one girlfriend when he was 15. He was with her for a few weeks and she became crazy and obsessive and she tried to control his every move. He hasn't had another girlfriend since then and I think he is afraid to try again. If any of my children are gay I would expect it to be my youngest daughter. She is 27 and has been with several men and engaged to two of them but she can't seem to settle down with one. On top of that she changed her Facebook status to say she is married to some woman and when I questioned her about it she said it was just a Facebook marriage and they put that on there to keep guys from bothering them. She calls that woman and a few others wifey and it drives me crazy but I hate it when men use that word so it has nothing to do with her possibly being gay. I strongly suspect she is and I wish she would just admit it and get on with her life and stop pretending to be something she's not.

Quoting fantasticfour:

My daughter always has and still wants children.  I also have 4 kids.  2 I know are straight, 1 I don't know because I honestly think he is so afraid of failure he refuses to ask anyone out (he's 21) and my 19 year old daughter who is gay.

I told me children when they were younger and I still feel the same way.  I don't care if you bring home Bubba or Bertha as long as they treat you right.  I have NO problem meeting a girlfriend.  At all.  

Problem is, we always teased all the kids (we're that family) about boy/girlfriends and I don't want her to feel we are "pushing" but I also don't want her to feel that we don't' accept.  I don't really know the rules. 

She's going to a pride festival tomorrow (ditched our annual festival which happens to be tomorrow too) and my husband (dad) asked her if she's going to look for a girlfriend there.  I was appalled and terrified!  Is that allowed?  To tease her like that??

I just don't know the rules of a newly come out gay person.

Quoting Joyzap2003: Before you ask her if there is someone she is interested in or if she has a partner ask yourself if you prepared to accept and welcome that person into your heart and family. If you can't then don't ask her about it.



When DH's niece came out his brother-in-law had a hard time accepting it. Not because she is a lesbian and not because he didn't love and accept her wife. The girls had grown up together and were best friends. He had and still had a hard time accepting it because he wants to be a grandfather and that will never happen. She and her wife do not want children and he and DH's sister lost their son when he was 8 years old.

smokeyjo
by Jozie on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:54 AM

My daughter has a t-shirt that says, Both? Both. Both stacked on top of each other meaning, she goes either way and you know what? I am totally okay with that, so is her brother and her sister-in-law and she knows it. In our family there are no "rules" pertaining to who we date. We can date same sex, different sex, older, younger and a mix of those things-- same/different sex and older/younger no matter for we do not judge. My current SO is quite a bit younger and no one says a thing about it. We (the kids and I) only want the other(s) to be happy. Therefore, as long as your daughter is happy, is being treated well, then be happy for her.

lucky2Beeme
by Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 8:31 AM

You talk to her . 

suzeebloch
by Ronna on Sep. 23, 2017 at 10:52 AM

I don't know that there are any rules.  Heck, are there rules at all when it comes to our children?!  I understand what you are saying but I think the best "rule" is to be yourself, including teasing and whatnot that would have naturally occurred regardless of that child's sexual orientation.

Love is love.  Heartache is heartache.   Sexual orientation does not discriminate!! 

emmygirl31
by Angie on Sep. 23, 2017 at 9:32 PM

I'd say treat her the same way you have always treated her.  You can ask her if there is anything off limits or uncomfortable for her.  I only have 1 daughter,and she is not gay, so I cant speak with any experience, but I think as long as you show her love and support it will be fine.

cybcm
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 10:06 PM
My oldest is gay, so I'm coming at this from a personal standpoint.

She's exactly the same person as she was last week. If she enjoyed being joked around with previously, that hasn't changed. Nothing has changed. There are no rules, you don't need to tiptoe around her.
fantasticfour
by Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 11:33 PM

Just so you know, the facebook marriage is a popular thing.  All my kids did it.  The girls more than the boys.

Quoting Joyzap2003: If there are any rules I haven't been told what they are. I have 5 children. The oldest says she is bi but she has only been with men so I find it hard to believe. She is 33 and has 4 children My oldest son has had a few girlfriends but I don't think he will ever get married or have children. He is 33 and has been diagnosed with a few mental illnesses. My middle son is 24 and has had several girlfriends but he hasn't found anyone he wants to settle down with yet. My youngest son is 19 and had one girlfriend when he was 15. He was with her for a few weeks and she became crazy and obsessive and she tried to control his every move. He hasn't had another girlfriend since then and I think he is afraid to try again. If any of my children are gay I would expect it to be my youngest daughter. She is 27 and has been with several men and engaged to two of them but she can't seem to settle down with one. On top of that she changed her Facebook status to say she is married to some woman and when I questioned her about it she said it was just a Facebook marriage and they put that on there to keep guys from bothering them. She calls that woman and a few others wifey and it drives me crazy but I hate it when men use that word so it has nothing to do with her possibly being gay. I strongly suspect she is and I wish she would just admit it and get on with her life and stop pretending to be something she's not.
Quoting fantasticfour:

My daughter always has and still wants children.  I also have 4 kids.  2 I know are straight, 1 I don't know because I honestly think he is so afraid of failure he refuses to ask anyone out (he's 21) and my 19 year old daughter who is gay.

I told me children when they were younger and I still feel the same way.  I don't care if you bring home Bubba or Bertha as long as they treat you right.  I have NO problem meeting a girlfriend.  At all.  

Problem is, we always teased all the kids (we're that family) about boy/girlfriends and I don't want her to feel we are "pushing" but I also don't want her to feel that we don't' accept.  I don't really know the rules. 

She's going to a pride festival tomorrow (ditched our annual festival which happens to be tomorrow too) and my husband (dad) asked her if she's going to look for a girlfriend there.  I was appalled and terrified!  Is that allowed?  To tease her like that??

I just don't know the rules of a newly come out gay person.

Quoting Joyzap2003: Before you ask her if there is someone she is interested in or if she has a partner ask yourself if you prepared to accept and welcome that person into your heart and family. If you can't then don't ask her about it. When DH's niece came out his brother-in-law had a hard time accepting it. Not because she is a lesbian and not because he didn't love and accept her wife. The girls had grown up together and were best friends. He had and still had a hard time accepting it because he wants to be a grandfather and that will never happen. She and her wife do not want children and he and DH's sister lost their son when he was 8 years old.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)