I do have two adult children that are now attending college and living on their own. I have a fiance that still has an adult son (age 25 or 26) living at home wiht him.
Dennis and I have been dating for over a year now. We love each other enormously and get along great; so much so that we would love to get married. I live in my own house and Dennis lives in his with his adult son. I am very happy living alone so I in no way am in a rush to consolidate my life with someone else's. I do not need a relationship, but rather have found one that I enjoy very much.
The problem? I have no desire to live with someone else's grown, adult child who can and should be pulling his own weight in his own dwelling. Dennis says that he is "helping" his son. I say that he is enabling his son. His son does not have any physical or mental handicaps, and he does work. Dennis has also been saying for a whole year that he knows his son needs to find his own place. Well, one year later and no change has been made. I personally think that Dennis enjoys having his son there. Dennis purchased a couch that is only fitting for a bachelor pad, and has eliminated room for a kitchen table in place of a stocked up wet bar.
All of this is fine and dandy, and certainly none of my business...unless I am being invited to move in and get married. I was initially told that I was being insensitive. That Brad was "hardly ever there" so it shouldn't matter. Bottom line is that I refuse (and won't) live with somone else's grown, adult kid(s). If I moved in now and made a big deal about it after the fact, then guess who that bad guy would be; me! I would be viewed as the wicked new fiance/wife who contributed to kicking the son out.
Dennis's son has it made. He uses that master bedroom/bathroom. (Dennis sleeps downstairs in a newly added second master bedroom. The son walks across the street (literally) to mommy's house and eats all of this meals there. He also does all of his laundry at mommy's. He just uses daddy's house as a party pad. I have been there sitting on Dennis's couch watching TV and have heard several times his son and a girl making LOUD sexual noises that were coming from the bedroom. I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave. But Dennis just sat there like it was nothing!
I am being accused of being insensitive and selfish. Am I? I have heard for over a year now that Dennis was going to get his son to move. Now Dennis wants to marry me and his son is still there! I am tired of hearing the words and not seeing the action. So...I have purposely not seen Dennis in months. He keeps begging to see me and that he agrees that his son needs to leave; that he is working on that. I think that he is just trying to buy more time and just wants to see me. But I refuse to see him. We have come to a dead end. This relationship cannot progress where we want it to go as long as him son still lives there.
Am I being unreasonable?????????