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Am I being too selfish? (sorry this is long)

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 4:36 PM
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I know as a parent you are to provide for your family.   But is it too much to ask for things in return.  My DS is 20 years old, unemployed and living at home.  At Christmas time he brought home yet another of his girlfriends.  She also in unemployed.  My DH works one full time job and one part time job.  I have one full time job and then I do cleaning on the side for people.  I come home and things that were neat and tidy when I left are now in disarray.  I'm expected to come home and cook and pick up after everyone.  (understand I am OCD) things have to be a certain way.  And it is not just my DS and his girlfriend but my 18 year old DD and her boyfriend also expect this, they are both high school students and working part time.  My DH helps out but lately he is slacking as he is too tired. I don't fault him as he is employed.  Well finally I had had enough and blew my stack.  Pissed my DH off at me because I told them to get out if they weren't going to help out especially when I'd asked several times for them help with the chores. I even wrote out a list of things that needed to be done before they left the house for school or hanging with friends.

Am I asking too much?  This isn't anything new, my kids were raised with the house being neat.  I don't care if they live in the house but I do expect when they are done for them to put their things away.  Or if they see something like dishes needing done or laundry to put away or even trash needing to be taken out to do it.  Without being told a hundred times. 

Also blew up about the lack of job hunting going on when several are open in our community.  They aren't great jobs but something to do for money until the right one comes along or they go back to school.  They can't pay rent  so no money to help with expenses. But I do expect help in leau of money.

Any suggestions?

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 4:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
FlyHippie
by Bronze sister on Feb. 9, 2011 at 4:52 PM

Nope. I agree with you. You don't get to be an adult and do nothing. You either go to school or work. If you live in MY home (your) then you mind MY rules. If you don't want to mind my rules, go get your own place.

We had to do this with my oldest, too. But honestly, nobody is in this house doing NOTHING. I stay home and cook and clean and teach. I am nobody's maid. So I agree with you.

suzi960
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 4:52 PM
G. You are not asking too much at all...I mean there not babies. And this girlfriend is living there too?I would have. Blown. Up too momma....
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Tikismom
by sister of the year on Feb. 9, 2011 at 5:02 PM

 

     I agree with the others.You have every right to expect them to take care of their things as well as helping to keep the house in order.I think I would have given them a choice of doing their part and hitting the road.

KittyGram
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 5:50 PM

Keep doing what you're doing.  You're not asking too much of them at all.  I could see if your son was in school, but even then, your daughter's in school and still has a part time job.  So no excuses for your son.  The girlfriend - well, definitely she needs to go.  

You're soooo not alone in this.  I know of MANY parents that go thru the same thing.  Just remember that past 18, you are NOT obligated to provide for him anymore, and when he's making no effort at all, then definitely something needs to be done. 

GeezLouise41
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 6:13 PM

No you're not expecting too much.  You should let your DS know what he is expected to do around the house and how many applications he needs to put in each week and if he can't do that then he and his girlfriend should go live with her parents.  Although your DD is in school and working part time she could still have some responsibilities around the house.  Good luck to you.

Mariagma3
by Maria - Midwest Lady on Feb. 9, 2011 at 6:21 PM

 NO! You're not being selfish, you're being practical. At 20 y.o. a kid should have a job. They can at least work fast foood or something. They should help out with chores if they're living there and not paying rent. JMO........................

Esmrlda
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 6:50 PM


Quoting Mariagma3:

 NO! You're not being selfish, you're being practical. At 20 y.o. a kid should have a job. They can at least work fast foood or something. They should help out with chores if they're living there and not paying rent. JMO........................


Ditto!!

janomoma
by Menopause Queen on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:05 PM

moms way or the highway...best wishes

GoddessJohnnie
by Goddess Johnnie on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:14 PM

Those kids should be helping out around the house!  The cleaning, cooking and laundry doesn't get done magically...and they need to learn that! 

 


smokeybear
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:15 PM

 I agree with the others.... keep doing what you are doing and there is no way you are asking too much.   When you leave the list of tasks to be done before they do anything else does it get done?   Is there a consequence if it is not?

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