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She NEVER Wants To Go

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:32 PM
Sue
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Hannah's visitation schedule with her dad is one overnight/week and every other weekend. I remind her in advance each time she's going, but she always whines and says "I don't want to go; I want to stay with you." He doesn't physically abuse her; that's not the issue. But being around the man is emotionally oppressive. I NEVER grill her about what happens at his house. I'm not even sure if she knows why she doesn't care to go, but the fact remains she doesn't. Yesterday when he came to the door to pick her up he told her to go and get the diary he bought her for her b-day. She told him she didn't want to bring it, and he insisted she go get it. She went upstairs and got it, then put it on the table and started drawing a picture; meanwhile he's waiting outside and getting annoyed. I told her he was waiting and that bringing the diary was her decision, but that she needed to decide so they could go. She kept saying she couldn't decide. She kept him waiting outside 10 minutes before she finally gave me one last hug and left without the diary.

I don't know how to make this easier for her, or if I can.

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GeezLouise41
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:50 PM

How old is your daughter?  It was opposite with my girls.  They wanted to spend time with their dad but he rarely picked them up for the first couple of years after we split up.   

wishbearmom
by Sue on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:52 PM
She just turned 8.
Quoting GeezLouise41:

How old is your daughter?  It was opposite with my girls.  They wanted to spend time with their dad but he rarely picked them up for the first couple of years after we split up.   


360
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:55 PM
Knowing the personality of your ex, the diary thing bugs me. Is it so he can spy on things going on at your house?
I hate being suspicious, but why would he care if she brought it? Was she drawing a picture so that he wouldn't be upset if there wasn't anything in the book?
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GeezLouise41
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:57 PM

My kids were a couple years older.  I know separation/divorce is hard on any kid, no matter their age, but maybe when they're younger it's a bit harder as they seem to be very attached to their mothers.  I hope it gets better for her. 

daisybelle1960
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:04 PM

I hate to sound over the top, but maybe she needs to go to counseling to see what is really going. How old is she? It doesn't seem normal that she would be that uncomfortable going with him, and that does seem weird about the diary

firemouse23
by Platinum sister on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:04 PM

This has red flags all over it.  He knows she probably won't share the contents of her diary with you...but he doesn't want it to be left there where you can look through it when she isn't there.  It screams of he's hiding something and it may be nothing...but it's always better to be safe than sorry.  I would ask her when she gets back from this visit how it went and what happened.  I would also read through the diary to see if you can find out what is bugging her.  The fact that she dragged her feet for so long and made him wait says tons.  You can't make things easier if you aren't aware of what things need fixing.

BaBeezandMe
by CakeChic on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:15 PM

 I agree with 360....the diary thing bugs me too!!  Why would he INSIST she take it???  Can't she have a private place to express her feelings and thought withOUT intrusion???  Unfortunately now that she is gone and it's in your house, you need to check it to make sure everything is ok with her!

I hope everything is ok.  (((HUGS))) my sister!

wishbearmom
by Sue on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:28 PM

The picture was completely separate from the diary. It was a dog drawing she started before he arrived. You are probably right about him wanting to be in my business by reading the diary; idiot looks in my recycling bin, over my fence into my carport; I even caught him driving through my alley. Except where Hannah is concerned, though, my business is MY business. I don't care what he does or doesn't do inside his own home except where it pertains to Hannah, and I never ask her anything more than "Did you have fun?". I do worry about her health in that house; I know there are mold issues and had I not replaced the furnace, she'd be in danger because he endangered his family by ignoring a faulty gas furnace. I had 3 technicians tell me the gas company would have shut it off, and one of the repair men said he'd told my ex the furnace had a cracked heat exchange years earlier. As far as her mental health is concerned, though, maybe I should look into counseling. I'm glad the judge saw through my ex and didn't award him 50/50 custody. He wanted it so he wouldn't have to pay as much in support. There has to be a reason why she doesn't want to go with him.

Quoting 360:

Knowing the personality of your ex, the diary thing bugs me. Is it so he can spy on things going on at your house?
I hate being suspicious, but why would he care if she brought it? Was she drawing a picture so that he wouldn't be upset if there wasn't anything in the book?


dana63
by Momma of 40ish on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:39 PM

 She is getting at the age where she is not yet a teen and yet not a little girl anymore and she is feeling like her father won't understand her "growing up."  I think this might pass as well. Give her time and maybe let her know when she is ready to express her feelings your ready to listen.

firemouse23
by Platinum sister on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:42 PM

If he is that much of a snoop...he may be grilling her on what happens at your house too.  She may be uncomfortable in telling him anything and is feeling guilty about anything she may have said in the past thinking it was just an honest and simple statement.  Something he has said or done has her nervous though...and counseling may be the only way to get it out.  I would still look through the diary if I were you and start asking her what has been going on while she is over there.  She may need to just get it all out with someone that isn't in her immediate emotional range.

Quoting wishbearmom:

The picture was completely separate from the diary. It was a dog drawing she started before he arrived. You are probably right about him wanting to be in my business by reading the diary; idiot looks in my recycling bin, over my fence into my carport; I even caught him driving through my alley. Except where Hannah is concerned, though, my business is MY business. I don't care what he does or doesn't do inside his own home except where it pertains to Hannah, and I never ask her anything more than "Did you have fun?". I do worry about her health in that house; I know there are mold issues and had I not replaced the furnace, she'd be in danger because he endangered his family by ignoring a faulty gas furnace. I had 3 technicians tell me the gas company would have shut it off, and one of the repair men said he'd told my ex the furnace had a cracked heat exchange years earlier. As far as her mental health is concerned, though, maybe I should look into counseling. I'm glad the judge saw through my ex and didn't award him 50/50 custody. He wanted it so he wouldn't have to pay as much in support. There has to be a reason why she doesn't want to go with him.

Quoting 360:

Knowing the personality of your ex, the diary thing bugs me. Is it so he can spy on things going on at your house?
I hate being suspicious, but why would he care if she brought it? Was she drawing a picture so that he wouldn't be upset if there wasn't anything in the book?



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