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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

My 19-year-old dd left me with my grandchild...

Posted by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:16 PM
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I need help, I'm SO stressed right now. My 19 year old dd has been having problems ever since her dad died when she started high school. She would skip school and smoke and party, once I got her help and it seemed she began to attend school again and calmed down. I found she was pregnant at 18 in her senior year after dating a guy for about 2 months and the babys daddy didn't want anything to do with the baby, he said it was her or the baby. She managed to graduate high school and have a baby girl. She has gone back to smoking and partying, but she has managed a part-time job as a cashier and  to get an apartment with a friend. Even though I don't like her friend and I didn't approve of the atmosphere my GD was in. I couldn't stop her because she is an adult. 

Her daughter is 18 months old now. 4 days ago, she left me with her GD because she had "work". I waited all night for her to come back. She didn't come back. I waited all morning the next day, she didn't come back. Finally today she emailed me. 

She pretty much said that my GD's baby-daddy had moved to California, and he called her telling her that he still loved her and he wanted her but he said he didn't want kids or his daughter. She then told me that she never wanted the kid anyway and her life would be much better without her. She was going to California to be with him and she didn't care what I thought.

I went to her old apartment and not even her roommate was there. The apartment was empty, everything was gone. 

I'm so stressed. I don't think I could raise another kid, but I feel like it's my responsibility to raise her. What if she turns out just like my dd? I'm also afraid if she comes back and there relationship didn't work out, that's she gonna want her back and she's just gonna toss her to me whenever she doesn't want her. I moved after DD moved out to a smaller apartment, it's only 1 bedroom. GD has been sleeping on futon in the living room. She's so little though. 

Ugh!

I really don't know what to do.

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
suzi960
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:27 PM
2 moms liked this

 wow kathy, im so sorry your going through this...well it sounds like your gd is better off with you anyway.  your daughter needs to grow up,and take responsibility.it dosent sound like shes ready for anything,let alone a child...i know we have quite a few ladies here raising their grandchildren,and will give you great advice.....((hugs)))

starlight1968
by 40ish hang out queen on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:30 PM
4 moms liked this

 I think I would call an attorney just to make sure you can have custody/no one (cps) takes her away etc.  Just to chat at first (w/the attorney) if you can.

my2sweetjoys
by Kay on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:36 PM

Sweetie it sounds like you are faced with what many grandparents are doing these days and that is raising thier grandchildren.I think it is very brave to step up and raise her so that she has a stable home.I pray that your daughter will grow up and except her little girl.I find it hard that her boyfriend doesnt want a precious child.Children are a blessing and I am glad that she has left her in your care instead of some stranger.

I know it will be rough but with some help, you will be able to raise your grandaughter.I am still raising my kids as my 19 yr old is not very mature at making life choices so I could be easily in your place.The difference between my 19 yr old and yours is she is not quite finishedwith school not to mention undecided about college.If I was faced with your situation, I know it would be hard but I have to say, your grandaughter sounds much better off in your care until her mother grows up to accept responsibility. You will find many helpful sisters in this groupand

 

YouI

my2sweetjoys
by Kay on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:38 PM

 

Quoting my2sweetjoys:

Sweetie it sounds like you are faced with what many grandparents are doing these days and that is raising thier grandchildren.I think it is very brave to step up and raise her so that she has a stable home.I pray that your daughter will grow up and except her little girl.I find it hard that her boyfriend doesnt want a precious child.Children are a blessing and I am glad that she has left her in your care instead of some stranger.

I know it will be rough but with some help, you will be able to raise your grandaughter.I am still raising my kids as my 19 yr old is not very mature at making life choices so I could be easily in your place.The difference between my 19 yr old and yours is she is not quite finishedwith school not to mention undecided about college.If I was faced with your situation, I know it would be hard but I have to say, your grandaughter sounds much better off in your care until her mother grows up to accept responsibility. You will find many helpful sisters in this groupand

 

YouI

 my buttons are sticking and anyways hugs and glad you are here with us!

Kaycoffee

MissTLC
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:41 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm so sorry you are going thru this! I would actually call social services or child protective services and let them know she abandoned her dd with you.  That way you can get custody and get help.  Consult an attorney for sure if you can!  But you simply must file it with the authorities (child protective services or even call the police and just file a report!) so that you can protect this child.  You are all she has at this point.  If your daughter comes back and has suddenly had a change of heart, maybe she needs to earn the priveledge of being a mom to her child.

I'm so sorry to have had to say this, but it's just my immediate response and advice.

rosebud727
by Mac Goddess on Apr. 15, 2012 at 11:32 PM

Wow, bless you for being there for that sweet little grandbaby. I'm sorry your daughter is behaving like this, breaks my heart to hear this.

Do you have any other family around that can also help you out so that your not doing this by yourself?

smile357
by Linda on Apr. 15, 2012 at 11:41 PM
1 mom liked this

I totally feel for you. My heart goes out to you and that little girl. I'm very glad to hear your taking care of her. I may have the same thing happen with my granddaughter and I know that the children didn't ask for this. I would definately consult a lawyer and get things in writing thereby protecting you and the child.


kryptomom
by Bronze sister on Apr. 15, 2012 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I am sorry for what you are going through.

If you do not want to raise her, is there some one else in the family that might?

If you do want to raise her, make sure to get legal custody.  Severe her parental rights, if at all possible.  And do it quick, before she breaks up with the sperm donor. 

Also, every person is different.  Gd is her own person and will be fortunate to have you in her life in any way.

Good luck.

Ferne
by Silver sister on Apr. 15, 2012 at 11:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I would go to a lawyer and get legal custody of the baby.  You can charge the mother with abandonment. Then do some serious thinking about wether you are able to raise the baby yourself and if that is what you want.  It is a big commitment and doing what is in the childs best interest is important.  Have you ever talked to the fathers parents?  are they aware of the child? Maybe they can help out or would want to raise her if you are not able to.

RoseWall
by RoseWall on Apr. 16, 2012 at 12:08 AM
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