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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Have you ever taken a cheater back, How did that work out? Or is that a no-no in your book?

I think it depends on where you are in your relationship and how much you're willing to forgive or do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?

by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:19 PM
Replies (31-37):
Susie140
by Gold sister on May. 7, 2012 at 8:09 PM


Quoting dana63:

 Yes I did and we have been married 26 years in Aug. He went and talked to someone and worked out his problems and I agre once a cheater always a cheater but in his case he saw the grass was NOT greenier and I know I can trust him 100%. Oh this was 22 years ago.

 SAME HERE DANA  AN WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER 29 YRS, BUT I DO NOT TRUST HIM COMPLETELY. I ONLY FOUND OUT 3 YRS AGO,  THAT HE HAD CHEATED ON ME AN IT HAD WENT ON FOR A LONG TIME.  I'M TAKING IT A DAY AT A TIME ITS TAKES TIME TO HEAL, BUT I WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT HE DONE TO ME, US AN OUR MARRIAGE.

momgirlsx2
by Sister on May. 7, 2012 at 8:14 PM
After seeing what my mom has gone thru with my dad's cheating.... No way would I stand for it and no way would I take him back. DH agrees.
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Alwaysmotivated
by Loving Life on May. 7, 2012 at 8:53 PM

Love your analogy.. You really have to look at your marriage and make the best decision for you, because only you know how much you have invested and what is going on in your lives, there could be a number of reason.. Glad all is on track again with you and the hubby!

Quoting Sunflower7556:

 Wow this is a hard question.  After 17 years I also have a lot to lose if I just got up and left as was stated by another post.  My husband is really trustworthy and loyal, so I am hoping I could get thru the pain and work out what is wrong.  He got sick 3 years ago and we grew apart and I did not see it until is was almost two late.  I could see that if he was a different man he might have looked for emotional connection with another woman.   Instead he started looking at fast cars and spending money, I closed myself off because I was afraid of losing him (crazy huh.)   Lucky for us we seen what we were doing before damage was done.    We still have to pay the bills but we are back on track.  So I would never say what I would do until I am there. 


Sunflower7556
by Bronze sister on May. 7, 2012 at 9:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think that if you are the cheater than you have to be able to handle it coming up in fights for a while.  You have to be able to "eat crow" often so the other person can get it out of their heart.    IMO, one of the biggest mistakes a cheater makes is expecting it not to come up once in awhile like grief.  If you can remember to keep saying sorry when it does come up then I think the person cheated on can learn to trust again.  It is the ones that make excuses for it, and get defensive that would be hard to live with.

Quoting happinessforyou:

IMO- If you are going to stay with the person who cheated then you can't bring it up every time you have a fight. If you agree to forgive/forget and move forward- then you MOVE FORWARD.

But I think it would be a deal breaker for me....

 

happinessforyou
by Sister on May. 8, 2012 at 11:28 AM

I agree with you- but it would be equally hard to have it thrown in your face everytime you have a disagreement about anything.  Accept it and move forward. It's not fair to scream "Take the damn trash out- YOU CHEATER"!!! KWIM :)

Quoting Sunflower7556:

 I think that if you are the cheater than you have to be able to handle it coming up in fights for a while.  You have to be able to "eat crow" often so the other person can get it out of their heart.    IMO, one of the biggest mistakes a cheater makes is expecting it not to come up once in awhile like grief.  If you can remember to keep saying sorry when it does come up then I think the person cheated on can learn to trust again.  It is the ones that make excuses for it, and get defensive that would be hard to live with.

Quoting happinessforyou:

IMO- If you are going to stay with the person who cheated then you can't bring it up every time you have a fight. If you agree to forgive/forget and move forward- then you MOVE FORWARD.

But I think it would be a deal breaker for me....

 


Sunflower7556
by Bronze sister on May. 9, 2012 at 9:39 AM

 Yes that is true.  I guess I was thinking about the fight that comes up about where you are going?  Cheaters should not say "what don't you trust me"?  DOH.  (my girlfriends husband use to do this, drove me crazy) 

Quoting happinessforyou:

I agree with you- but it would be equally hard to have it thrown in your face everytime you have a disagreement about anything.  Accept it and move forward. It's not fair to scream "Take the damn trash out- YOU CHEATER"!!! KWIM :)

Quoting Sunflower7556:

 I think that if you are the cheater than you have to be able to handle it coming up in fights for a while.  You have to be able to "eat crow" often so the other person can get it out of their heart.    IMO, one of the biggest mistakes a cheater makes is expecting it not to come up once in awhile like grief.  If you can remember to keep saying sorry when it does come up then I think the person cheated on can learn to trust again.  It is the ones that make excuses for it, and get defensive that would be hard to live with.

Quoting happinessforyou:

IMO- If you are going to stay with the person who cheated then you can't bring it up every time you have a fight. If you agree to forgive/forget and move forward- then you MOVE FORWARD.

But I think it would be a deal breaker for me....

 

 

 

GraceHudson
by on May. 9, 2012 at 9:41 AM
1 mom liked this
No I have not


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