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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

I am just so sad and I can't shake it! Edit

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My dog died Monday! Capo was my buddy! My 4th child! My best friend! My huggy! He was a 140lb lap dog! He loved everyone if they were not near me or my daughter! He hated aggressive behavior. He was trained to attack, and protect me and my daughter! He was my sons best buddy for the last 10 years. He was beautiful, and very well mannered (most of the time)!

When I would tell him not to beg he would turn his head away, but his eyes would be cocked just so that he could see if just a crumb fell on the floor. He would lay either in bed with me at night on next to my bed. He was never far from my feet. When I was on here chatting, he was laying his head on my lap, and I would be petting him. I told people I am like a smoker that quit smoking, and I just don't know what to do with my hands!

We have Chihuahuas. But, I am not a small dog person. I like cats better then small dogs, and I don't like cats. But, the oldest Chi has kind of grown on me. He was Capo's best buddy. CJ, is just about 5 years old and we have had him since he was 6 months old. He is walking around in circles looking for him. He does not know what to do with out him. He crawls up on my lap and I swear he is crying. He lays his body snuggly against me like he is hugging me. He goes outside, and for the first time ever he tried to leave the yard, and we have actually considered a chain for him. Because we are afraid he is going to go searching and go in the road.

I honestly can say I feel as bad losing him as I did when my Gram died. Some may think that is strange. In fact I would think it was strange if I was reading that someone else said that. But, he really was a part of me. I just don't know what to do with myself!

My kids and my husband have been great. My oldest son and my younger son buried him in the exact spot where he was born. My daughter has been full of hugs, and tears with me. My husband says I wish I wave a magic wand and he could reappear!

He is buried under this willow tree!

This is my son with him on Sunday night. The kids spent about 3 hours just sitting around loving him and giving anything and everything he wanted. He got peanut butter given to him with their fingers, and hugs, and I asked him if we could go play ball, and he just gave me his look.

I will miss him more then anyone knows!


My days after I posted this got much worse. I had started getting sick. I thought it was because I was so sad. But, after a few days, my husband said if you don't call the doctor I am. So, I called and made an appointment. I went on a Friday afternoon. She checked me over and said that I needed immediate surgery. I was shocked. I just thought I had the flu. I knew I had a hernia. But, turns out it was incarcerated *I call it impacted because that is basically the same thing and easier to understand*. Then during the surgery they found a second one. They were on the outer lining of my stomach. 

Then after I was released from the hospital I wanted to spend time with CJ. I had bought some new shampoo for him, and wanted to try it. So Tuesday I gave him a bath. Wednesday morning we woke up to him very red and swollen. I called the vet, and told me to wash him every couple of hours, and if he got worse to call him immediately. He started seizing shortly after that. He died on July 12th. In the early hours of the morning. The vet told us there was nothing he could for him. He said he could of given him an epi shot, but they are really hard on small dogs, so it may have killed. But when CJ started seizing he was closed, and the closest vet was about an hour and half away. He would have survived the drive.

I miss my boys! I am going stir crazy with them! My husband gave me one CJ's puppies that we had. He thought she would help me get over my depression. But, I cannot connect with her. She is beautiful, and funny, but I just like bigger dogs. 

I want to thank everyone for replying! I want to thank everyone for their stories. I am glad to know that I am not the only one that is this attached to a dog (or in my case 2 dogs)! You can see pictures of them on page 7. I don't have any pictures on my laptop. 

by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 3:52 PM
Replies (81-87):
connietrrll
by Silver sister on Aug. 8, 2012 at 10:53 PM
Sorry, I did not mean to make anyone cry. I just thougt writing it out would help me shake off some of the grief I was going through. It didn't!
was horribly sad when i first wrote this. I still am. Some nights I cry myself to sleep. I miss my boys. I have 3 children, but they are basically grown. My boys are 15, and 26, and my daughter will be 20 on the 24th of this month. I don't work because of my neck. So my boys were my buddies. We played together while everyone was gone, and they slept with me when my husband worked nights. So, although I try to not think about them it is hard. But, with school starting up soon it will be even harder. My husband drives school bus, my daughter goes to college, and of course the youngest is a junior in high school. So, it will be just me all day, and this littlw tiny thing that is smaller then a cat.


Quoting paulajean65:

You just made me cry!! I am so sorry for your loss. It's just not easy!!

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carolhas2kids
by Sister on Aug. 9, 2012 at 12:05 AM

Hugs pets are family too

connietrrll
by Silver sister on Aug. 9, 2012 at 12:16 AM

Thank you!

Quoting carolhas2kids:

Hugs pets are family too


terri.a
by New sister on Aug. 9, 2012 at 12:33 AM

I'm new to this group but want to say sorry for the loss of your buddy.  I cried everyday for a week+ when our old dog died.   I still have moments even almost 2 years later.  Sometimes I think I hear his nails on the floor or his tail thumping.  Don't feel bad about allowing yourself as much time as you need to grieve.

connietrrll
by Silver sister on Aug. 9, 2012 at 12:42 AM

Thank you, and welcome to the group! 

He died on June 25th! But, the thing is I am disabled. Both dogs were my crutch. I have something called Cervical Spondylosis! Basically it is arthritis of the spine. But, the worst part is that the vertebra in my neck keep breaking. So, the dogs were my gentle enough to be around me, yet fun enough to entertain me. On top of all that they were my best buddies. During the day we would sit outside and I would just talk away. (I am sure my neighbors thought I was nuts) But, I loved throwing toys and having them bring back, or watching chase the squirrels, just sitting there, or spraying them with hose. Just the simple things!

Quoting terri.a:

I'm new to this group but want to say sorry for the loss of your buddy.  I cried everyday for a week+ when our old dog died.   I still have moments even almost 2 years later.  Sometimes I think I hear his nails on the floor or his tail thumping.  Don't feel bad about allowing yourself as much time as you need to grieve.


connietrrll
by Silver sister on Aug. 9, 2012 at 1:01 AM

Bump for edit

paulajean65
by Bronze sister on Aug. 9, 2012 at 3:59 PM


Quoting connietrrll:

Sorry, I did not mean to make anyone cry. I just thougt writing it out would help me shake off some of the grief I was going through. It didn't!
was horribly sad when i first wrote this. I still am. Some nights I cry myself to sleep. I miss my boys. I have 3 children, but they are basically grown. My boys are 15, and 26, and my daughter will be 20 on the 24th of this month. I don't work because of my neck. So my boys were my buddies. We played together while everyone was gone, and they slept with me when my husband worked nights. So, although I try to not think about them it is hard. But, with school starting up soon it will be even harder. My husband drives school bus, my daughter goes to college, and of course the youngest is a junior in high school. So, it will be just me all day, and this littlw tiny thing that is smaller then a cat.


Quoting paulajean65:

You just made me cry!! I am so sorry for your loss. It's just not easy!!

This reminded me of our German Rott, Creed. He was about 6 months old when he was given to us and he was such a wonderfu dog. He was our protector and our son was HIS baby! Our son was introduced to him, or should I say Creed was introduced to our son the day we brought him home from the hospital. Nobody got near our son if Creed thought he/she was bad. Including a few little boys! (One in particular liked to pick on Caleb but I wasn't aware just how badly until the day Creed tried to EAT him (according to the boy).. I thought that Creed was going to break the logging chain he was on! He was a HUGE dog and the logging chain was the ONLY chain that he couldn't break!)- - Creed was our other little boy. He protected Caleb and I while Daddy was at work and then played (roughhoused) with Daddy when he came home. He was our baby too!!- - - In October of 2005, Caleb went out to feed Creed and found hin shot to death IN HIS DOG HOUSE!! This dog NEVER bothered anyone! He never threatened anyone unless they were on our property and he didn't like them! He never even TOUCHED anyone else but the 3 of us and I just cannot understand WHY someone would shoot our dog. We'd had him for over 6 years when this happened and we were all just devastated.- - It took us several years to get over this and be able to get another dog that we could get attached to. We now have a Mastiff (which is also HUGE) but he wanders the property and everybody is afraid of him. Nobody will pull up here and get out of their car!! lol- - This poor guy will lick you to death! Unless you threaten someone on our property, you are safw with him.. .. .. We still miss Creed today and when we look at pictures, we cry... ... SO I totally understand your pain!!- - -AND - - I just read your update, Gosh you have gone through a lot! You are in my prayers!!! And my heart truly goes out to you!!

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