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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

How do I get him to tell me.... (PIOG)

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 7:32 PM
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I recently was talking to a friend who mentioned that her husband is always telling her she is hot. She's an attractive woman and they've been married probably 40 years (in their 60s). I decided to ask some of my other married friends who have been married a long time if their husbands complimented their bodies and made them feel pretty and desireable. They all said yes too. I even ran the question in the Answers section of Cafemom and a TON of women responded that their husbands constantly tell them they are attractive & hot.

OK - my husband has never told me I was hot or looked at me changing clothes or naked and grabbed me or looked at me in a sexy way. We have great sex but it's always after going to bed and the lights are off. I've begun to get a complex where I won't let him see me naked because I feel ashamed that my body isn't good enough. I'm normal weight at 5'2" 115 lbs. but I feel since he never says anything, I cover up. I've told him I feel like I'm getting a fat stomach because of menopause and he tells me "you aren't fat. And even if you did get fat, I'd still love you."

I finally brought it up last night and just plain out asked him if he was attracted to me and if he thought I was pretty. He said "of course I do - I'm married to you." I told him, "well, I know you are attracted to slender women with full hips, and I don't have that type of body." He just looked at me and said "I love you." 

I know he loves me more than anything - but he just doesn't understand. Or is it that his standards are so high for beauty that he loves me for my mind but sort of settled for my appearance? I've told this to my girlfriends and they are just flabbergasted that he can't just simply tell me I'm beautiful - if not for the sake of making me happy.

by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 7:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
suzi960
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 8:32 PM

hello momma and let me tell you if thats you  in the avatar  , you are a hot sexy woman...sounds like hes the one with the issues,not you...well you did bring it up to him,but you should tell him how you feel.and tell him you would like to hear how beautiful you are and how hes attracted to you......men,  they dont get it sometimes....

AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on Aug. 10, 2012 at 8:35 PM

If that's you in this picture, you're very beautiful. I don't know what is wrong with your dh. If not him, then who should be making you feel desirable? I'm with your girlfriends and I'm flabbergasted too. Men...grr!

starlight1968
by 40ish hang out queen on Aug. 10, 2012 at 9:10 PM

 aww you need to tell him you NEED to hear it... do you tell him how sexy/hot he is?

sunflowers12
by Silver sister on Aug. 10, 2012 at 9:32 PM
Well, my dh could not ever tell me anything nice about me for 11 years he wouldn't refused to say anything remotely nice or even helpful... For 11 long hard years all I heard is I wasn't good enough for him and that I would look like some porno star!!!

So I left but I had nothing no car or license I did have a job at the time, but I needed way more then that.. anyway long story short we seperated for 2/ months he mangaed to get our four oldest at the time while I was at work n my ride broke down.. so we were only one hearing away from being dev, and I just asked him if he really wanted to go throu it??

He said know that he loves me and that he had changed... ok so I went back.. I knew I was going to pay for but was willing for my kids sake... Nothing really change but I was able to teach my self to drive, n after six kids got my self fixed thank God for the doc I had at the time..

The whole point I am trying to make is now its 21 year later n six kids two which are on their own he's has all of a sudden in the past few years decided I am ok!! The man that couldn't hardly stand to be around me for a second now suddenly is telling nice things not throw epic fits if rage because someone said or did something he did like so he is going to take it out on his wife n kids...

Now suddenly I am beautiful n worth while... Hmmmm forgive me if I do t just believe everything he says.. I think truly he is trying to convince him self he loves me.. truly the only person my dh loves beyond a reasonable doubt is him self and proven it time n time again...
It just sucks that it has to be this way... I am not sure why some men have such a difficult time just being normal...

This is just my experience thou I am in know way saying your dh is anything like this... I do hope he can over come his inability to do what you would like him too..:)
Shari55
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 9:39 PM

My husband hasn't told me I am hot,verbally however he does by showing me in little ways like an extra touch on my shoulder.  He doesn't care that I put on extra weight because I had his children and he accepts me for who I am. 

You are a beautiful woman and person inside and out.

roxxyt
by Roxane on Aug. 10, 2012 at 9:53 PM
Right now it's me, I've always been 125 since we met and until two yrs ago I'm now 140. He loves the extra butt and tells me often, but I hate having a stomach, he still grabs at me and we have a very active sex life, I've had four kids now grown and he asks if I loose the stomach will the butt go too lol I'm 49 and we've been together for 16 yrs and he's still attracted thank god cus I don't like me much right now. Men, my first dh was an ass and never had a good thing to say and really that's when I felt the hottest lol I got rid of him. Now dh adores me and even if I don't feel good about me he still lives me and is attracted.
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LFosterfarm
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 11:03 PM
I'm sorta where Roxy is. My first husband was an ass i was very thin but never good enough for him. And ito felt sexiest then. Hubby now complains i don't let him see me naked enough and always gives me that i could jump your bones look but i don't feel sexy at all. I really think you should tell him how you feel just out right tell him! And tell him a woman needs to hear these things!
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LFosterfarm
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 11:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Can i just kick some sense into his ass?

Quoting sunflowers12:

Well, my dh could not ever tell me anything nice about me for 11 years he wouldn't refused to say anything remotely nice or even helpful... For 11 long hard years all I heard is I wasn't good enough for him and that I would look like some porno star!!!



So I left but I had nothing no car or license I did have a job at the time, but I needed way more then that.. anyway long story short we seperated for 2/ months he mangaed to get our four oldest at the time while I was at work n my ride broke down.. so we were only one hearing away from being dev, and I just asked him if he really wanted to go throu it??



He said know that he loves me and that he had changed... ok so I went back.. I knew I was going to pay for but was willing for my kids sake... Nothing really change but I was able to teach my self to drive, n after six kids got my self fixed thank God for the doc I had at the time..



The whole point I am trying to make is now its 21 year later n six kids two which are on their own he's has all of a sudden in the past few years decided I am ok!! The man that couldn't hardly stand to be around me for a second now suddenly is telling nice things not throw epic fits if rage because someone said or did something he did like so he is going to take it out on his wife n kids...



Now suddenly I am beautiful n worth while... Hmmmm forgive me if I do t just believe everything he says.. I think truly he is trying to convince him self he loves me.. truly the only person my dh loves beyond a reasonable doubt is him self and proven it time n time again...

It just sucks that it has to be this way... I am not sure why some men have such a difficult time just being normal...



This is just my experience thou I am in know way saying your dh is anything like this... I do hope he can over come his inability to do what you would like him too..:)
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smile357
by Linda on Aug. 10, 2012 at 11:54 PM

My husband really has never been the verbal type at all. He tells me he loves me. I wish sometimes he would but then again what he does shows it most of the time

Some men are honestly afraid to tell the women anything for fear they'll say something wrong

Cheryl_M
by Bronze sister on Aug. 11, 2012 at 8:33 AM

Does he say things about how other women look?

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