(I was asked for advice, this is not my personal situation)
My friend Jane has a son John who is a freshman in high school. He is going to a school in a new district and meeting all new friends. Jane put some sort of app on his facebook so that she can see all his private messages. She noticed that one of the new friends (boy) is doing alot of talking about getting "head" and having sex. She also put a tracking device on his cell phone so she knows exactly where he is. He has been out skateboarding and tells her he is in one place... but then skateboards all over that area, not staying exactly in that one place (but in the general area).
In the above situation what advice would you give. She didnt call with a specific incident... just the above issues.
I can see the tracking device for a phone as a safety issue, but who in the world would respect someone else for spying on you. She should talk to her son in general about his new friend and see what he thinks of the other boy, but if she keeps it up, he'll never tell her anything because SHE isn't trustworthy. If we are really paying attention, we know our kids and our gut tell us when something is up that we need to address without completely invading their privacy. My mom had no boundaries and she succeeded in building a wall, rather than a bridge.
My advice eas up on the kid unless he has done something to deserve this and be thankful if he is not doing the things he friend is saying... Not every teen boy is up to know good I have a couple that are pretty darn good boys :) I don't spy on my boys just keep a watchful eye on certain things other then that I say pick your battles..
This kid is going into HS,old enough to have his own FB account, why is the Mom spying on her son? That's not good! A tracking device is a maybe in my book. She needs to try to have just a regular, open dialogue kind of talk with her son. By her spying on him, sooner or later he'll find out, and no longer trust her.
I believe that open communication should be the key in any relationship. I only have an 8 month old son but have taught highschool and I always tried to make myself approachable to my students not by spying on them and asking but just simply showing interest in whatever they were doing or talking about
I have to agree with the above. Our youngest is going to a new school/new people (knows no-one)and it's HS. We trust her as we raised her right that even if kids talk to her like this that we can know she will handle herself well and we could trust that she would do the right thing.
If her son has done something in the past to make her behave this way then I get it. BUT, if he has done nothing to deserve it she is going to cause trust issues in the near future that she will find is HARD to rebuild.
I've told my kids that I will not "spy" unless they give me reason to believe they are lying or starting to get in trouble. I think that's fair. Did Jane have reason to believe her son might have been in some kind of danger?
What advice did she ask for? There are a few different issues here, one of which I think the above posters have already addressed.
This is the way I see it, the GPS on the phone, not too bad of an idea, however sometimes kids idea of staying in a certain area and a parents are two different ideas. She needs to define very specifically what she means about being in a certain spot or place.
The snooping in the FB account. Not a great idea. He didn't post something controversial, the friend did. You can't control other peoples children.
She sounds too controlling for me, like a helicopter mom. Is she going to try and ban him from hanging out with certain people soon? That ought to be interesting. That usually has a negative consquence if you don't have a good and valid reason. Also, a lot of teens talk trash but often its just talk.
Lets Send Love and Prayers To All Those Families in Oklahoma
- sahlady
on Aug. 25, 2012 at 6:28 PM