Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Give in to The GUILT??? HELP!!!

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2012 at 6:59 PM
  • 14 Replies
  • 245 Total Views

My (somewhat odd) neighbor has a daughter starting middle school next week. My DD1 will be in her second year at the middle school, and the girls are friends. The neighbor called me today asking for my "advise" about what she should do to get her daughter to and from school. She thought there would be a bus service, there's none. Then she thought her daughter would ride her bike to go home until she realized it was a 5-mile ride. 

She will not be getting home from work until 6-7pm every night. The dad has left for a job 500 miles away. The 11 yo will be alone.


Then I discover the real reason for her call was to see if we could "carpool" home everyday, she being available on Fridays to pick up the girls.

Problem with her plan is that I am already committed to a carpool with 2 other families which fills my car. She kept explaining how she thought she was going to have her daughter just come home with me, and now she doesn't know what she's going to do. She simply assumed I would be available. (BTW, I work pt, kids are on swim team, and husband travels extensively for work. I am not sitting around!!)


While I feel for the mother's situation, she and I have a strange history that would take too long to explain. The daughter is a very nice girl. TOO nice. Eddie Haskel nice. While she is friends with DD1, she's not really friends with DD2. 

So here's my huge guilt factor: Across the street will be an 11 year old girl, in her house alone until dark every night waiting for her mom to get home. How can I possibly do that? 


Aaaaggghhhhhhhh! What do I do?????

by on Aug. 28, 2012 at 6:59 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sahlady
by It's a jen.thing :) on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:03 PM

tell her Im very sorry, I dont have any more room in my car perhaps you could call one of her other friends.  Or have the phone number of the local after school care (yes they have them for that age too).  Or for the local study hall (they have places that function as both study hall and baby sitter)


then hang up..... her kid her problem.... should have thought about it over the THREE MONTH summer break.  If you are going to be a working parent, finding appropriate day care IS PART OF THE SACRAFICE of working.... NOT your job.




although I totally get your heart strings being pulled... that happens when good parents are stuck dealing with parents who dont put enough effort into their role as parents.

sahlady
by It's a jen.thing :) on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:07 PM

sorry.... I guess that got me a bit heated.  I have been a sahm BY CHOICE for 17 years and have often met those ------ parents who think that I should be thier daycare/car service because "i dont do anything any way".

wildlilacs
by Bronze sister on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:14 PM
5 miles away and no bus service?Mom needs to change school that has bus service.
Ha, my dd, 12, been home alone afterschool for several yrs.
You are NOT responsible for this child. Quit the guilt trip.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
michellejenner
by Bronze sister on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:17 PM
Just tell her you are not able to help.
omamabean
by Bronze sister on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, I totally get what you are saying! That's why I don't feel for the mom, I feel for the kid. 

I told her I didn't have any room, sorry. I told her there was after school care available on campus, but she can't get there in time to pick up. And her in-laws live 2 mils away. Really?

I work, but only in the morning so I CAN BE WITH MY KIDS! My choice. 

You are right. Thanks for the eye-opener!

omamabean
by Bronze sister on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:24 PM

We are in SoCal, no $$ for buses. I think if she lived a little farther she would have a bus that she could pay for. She can open enroll to the other middle school closer to her in-laws, but I think she may still have a problem. I told her to call the other middle school to see if they offer a bus.

I tried to be helpful....But really, that's not my problem!

Guilt trip done!

Quoting wildlilacs:

5 miles away and no bus service?Mom needs to change school that has bus service.
Ha, my dd, 12, been home alone afterschool for several yrs.
You are NOT responsible for this child. Quit the guilt trip.


manilowgal
by on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:32 PM
Glad guilt trip is done! It's the mom's problem!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
wildlilacs
by Bronze sister on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:48 PM
WOW, here in Tx, its a 2 mile rule for buses. Funny, the same buses go the same route as the kids walk, passes the kids.


Quoting omamabean:

We are in SoCal, no $$ for buses. I think if she lived a little farther she would have a bus that she could pay for. She can open enroll to the other middle school closer to her in-laws, but I think she may still have a problem. I told her to call the other middle school to see if they offer a bus.

I tried to be helpful....But really, that's not my problem!

Guilt trip done!

Quoting wildlilacs:

5 miles away and no bus service?Mom needs to change school that has bus service.

Ha, my dd, 12, been home alone afterschool for several yrs.

You are NOT responsible for this child. Quit the guilt trip.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
pasteeater
by on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:54 PM
You live your life like you would any other time. She needs to make arrangements. I hate that kids don't have buses any more. I have to be at the public bus at five am so I can take him to zero period which is marching band. Do you have any public buses in your area?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
smile357
by Linda on Aug. 28, 2012 at 7:56 PM

I totally agree with the fact that she has had the whole summer vaca to figure things out. I used to start before school ended with figuring out the next year. 

The point of her daughter being to nice issue is the other issue I see that comes from one or both of her parents. She's learned it somewhere. Your right guilt trip should be done.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN