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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Getting frustrated being the only sense is what "I" make...he's so tyrant-like

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:13 AM
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I'll call him the boss, but for better cafemom etiquette, his title is husband.  And children's father.  Here's the problem and my dilema.

Today we are having a nightmare already.   It's today, new years day after.  As children go to school after a holiday it's torment.  Here is our torment plus add 1,000 toments.   Our children absolutely hate school, and I feel it's best to homeschool.  Their father isn't so inclined to side with homeschooling.

He says it's not socializing, and I've seen tons of children become better at things by staying home doing their studies, not being caved by over routined chaos from hating schedules and school programs.  Here is my idea.   Home schooling is approved, it's free, it's relaxed and no schedules are necessary except that the children have their homework done and locked into the system (computer) by 12:00 midnight, or it's a fine,   That seems pretty terrific if you ask me!  I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I was young and remember that being home was all I considered fun.  School was a death sentence.  I was scared, fragile, easily hurt, felt tormented getting up, and now I encourage them to do well and with all the backing I give my own children it's as though it was never done.  Like I've just evaporated right in their lives.  Even though I am more than available for homework, studying, meals, rooms are clean and they just hate school but go ...with hearts broke and crying inside.  Their faces and attitudes really show, ....they hate school.

The teachers try to say that they are better learners with structure and then when we see the grades I see otherwise.  (mostly by the male children)   they seem tough to teach . 

What is your view on homeshool and please try to support any side your sincere about because it's helpful to me on either side.

By the way their dad is so unwilling to have them home since he believes it decays the mind and hurts them not nurtures.  I see it the opposite and we differ so it's impossible to support them when he is against my idea, even just one time. Never EVER listens.

Thank you for your sincere insight and if I'm wrong then I'll thank you!  We all learn in surprizing ways.

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
crazymom729
by Cajun Witch (dealer) on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:30 AM
1 mom liked this

 Well, I really have no opinion one way or the other about homeschooling.  I feel some kids/parents need homeschooling because it fits their personality/circumstances.  My boys went to public school and are no worse for it, I never thought of homeschooling.  I think it depends on the situation.  Good luck.

okijet
by Sister on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:33 AM

That is just the problem, the personality dictated by their dad is going off the board.  It's effecting their school work at school, he is a darn good dad... just abrasive when they are not up and ready and it's not the type of thing I take lightly, he has no boundries, and is never wrong.

When...ever did men take such harshness dealing with children and growing up?

rosebud727
by Mac Goddess on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:36 AM

Good Morning New Mama,

Welcome to 40ish,

Home schooling can be done successfully as well as fail. I have seen both. I work at a public school in the IT department. When we have students return to the public school setting often times they are extremely behind in academics  because of lack of basics being taught and failure to follow a qualified home school program. 

I have very few successful examples to report, however the ones that were able to successfully home school their children followed with a combination of a home school program that is accompanied with a social component from a homeschool network.

I very briefly thought about homeschooling however I have two very scientically advanced daughters and didn't feel I could properly teach them in science what they would need to push forward and beyond in high school and college.

Like your husband I worried about socializing to a greater extent, and in the end choice to have my children attend a more traditional school setting.


BL2010
by BL on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:25 AM

Hi and welcome. I have no knowledge of home-schooling but know a few ladies that do it and it seems to work well for them. But I believe it's also something that both you and your husband need to agree on. Can you sit and actually talk with him as two adults?

starlight1968
by 40ish hang out queen on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:34 AM

 I would check into your area's homeschooling groups..see what they do for the socializing as sometimes they get together and do "field trips" etc. and then this might be a compromise for your husband.

We considered homeschooling youngest dd and I did do some things with her when she was very young but I knew that I would not be the best person to teach her and dh worked so we opted for school...

Good luck!

ryandcas
by Sister on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:38 AM

I am a teacher - and I agree with all of these points.  It can be successful or a failure.  A friend of mine homeschooled her boys and was very inconsistent with making them do their work.  When they became teens, they asked to go to public school.  The school tested for placement and each boy was 2 years behind where they should be.  On the other side, I have several other friends who have homeschooled from the beginning and have had great success.  Some of their children have graduated early from high school and gone on to college or tech school.   But they have made a huge committment to home schooling and put aside their own careers in order to do it. 

As far as the socializing part - check in your community to see if there is an established home schooling group that provides educational and socialization opportunities.  In the town where I live, there is a group of parents who have each taken a subject and hold classes for their group at their homes.  For example, one parent teaches history, another parent teaches Language Arts, and another parent teaches Science.  The parents choose subjects that they have experience or expertise in - the history teacher has a degree in history.  This home schooling group holds social events to give the kids opportunities to socialize outside their classes, and most of the kids participate in an organized sport through a local league (swim team and basketball at the Y, soccer at the city league, etc.).  The kids that I know in this group are smart, well-adjusted, polite, respectful and a joy to be around.  If I were to homeschool my daughter, I would want her to be a part of this group.  She would not survive homeschooling without this socialization. 

Quoting rosebud727:

Home schooling can be done successfully as well as fail. I have seen both....  When we have students return to the public school setting often times they are extremely behind in academics  because of lack of basics being taught and failure to follow a qualified home school program. 

...the ones that were able to successfully home school their children followed with a combination of a home school program that is accompanied with a social component from a homeschool network.

Like your husband I worried about socializing to a greater extent, and in the end choice to have my children attend a more traditional school setting.



okijet
by Sister on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:44 AM

It's gone beyond who is the best teacher and what are attachments to teaching at home, not much if I am to be totally honest about teaching.   To effectively teach you need to use a time, schedule, clock with manual setting,s or a set timer gadget that will keep hourly or 30 min. slots of times.  If it's just a book, test, or a computer thing, it's not hard, and kids enjoy home life, so it's a bonus, in my mind it's so easy I can't imagine a child not wanting to stay home to test or learn.  I was cohearsed into going to school without even getting a tad for support in staying home to be educated.  My husband isnt' the authority in this it's me.  I know more about what to teach and he simple ''interferes'' with anything I try to suggest let alone won't lift an eyebrow, (what's that tell me, )?  he's just a dictator.  To be home with him is hell.  But to know I know that I'm able and willing to teach them and they are more than aware that he is a terrible influence on their esteem, really deleneates the effort and effect .  They're young, they're moldable, he's truly ruining a great adventure and a super cool investment of fun, time, learning, and no hassles of getting up a 6.a.m. when their bodies just are not at all tuned to it.   ( I even tried to get that schedule thing in place for their bedtime, and hubs was totally against it.  NOPE , let them stay up, and he'd blast his t.v. and keep them on edge as though he wasn't even part of the equation.  I so want to get a wand and just erase his presence ( not get a replacement as he ''fixes'' shop-it done, for- the -family.   He'd had no children at all if it weren't for me, the others kept their children and or he left.  Believe me I've tried, and he is the most in humane when it comes to reasoning a thing through a person growing up.  I believe he must have had an addiction early in life.  A BAD ONE

coolmommy2x
by Silver sister on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:54 AM
You seem to be as deas set against public school as he is to home schooling. Why is his opinion wrong and yours is right? Not bashing, just asking.

You keep saying the kids are more comfortable at home...without knowing your family, is it possible they have social issues? Are you and DH having these arguments in front of them and they're afraid to leave home?

My DS hated elementary school but went willingly because his friends were there. He flat out told his 1st grade teacher that school was getting in the way of his social life! He's now in middle school and is thriving. For him, sitting in one class listening to the same teacher all day was too much. Now that he changes classes and teachers throughout the day, he enjoys school and is an honors student.
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rosebud727
by Mac Goddess on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:39 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting ryandcas:

I am a teacher - and I agree with all of these points.  It can be successful or a failure.  A friend of mine homeschooled her boys and was very inconsistent with making them do their work.  When they became teens, they asked to go to public school.  The school tested for placement and each boy was 2 years behind where they should be.  On the other side, I have several other friends who have homeschooled from the beginning and have had great success.  Some of their children have graduated early from high school and gone on to college or tech school.   But they have made a huge committment to home schooling and put aside their own careers in order to do it. 

As far as the socializing part - check in your community to see if there is an established home schooling group that provides educational and socialization opportunities.  In the town where I live, there is a group of parents who have each taken a subject and hold classes for their group at their homes.  For example, one parent teaches history, another parent teaches Language Arts, and another parent teaches Science.  The parents choose subjects that they have experience or expertise in - the history teacher has a degree in history.  This home schooling group holds social events to give the kids opportunities to socialize outside their classes, and most of the kids participate in an organized sport through a local league (swim team and basketball at the Y, soccer at the city league, etc.).  The kids that I know in this group are smart, well-adjusted, polite, respectful and a joy to be around.  If I were to homeschool my daughter, I would want her to be a part of this group.  She would not survive homeschooling without this socialization. 

Quoting rosebud727:

Home schooling can be done successfully as well as fail. I have seen both....  When we have students return to the public school setting often times they are extremely behind in academics  because of lack of basics being taught and failure to follow a qualified home school program. 

...the ones that were able to successfully home school their children followed with a combination of a home school program that is accompanied with a social component from a homeschool network.

Like your husband I worried about socializing to a greater extent, and in the end choice to have my children attend a more traditional school setting.


 

 Our community has many social outlets for home schoolers, however my daughters both have already graduated from K-12. The oldest has already graduated from her undergraduate studies as well and is in biotech research and the other is in her 2nd year of college.

Both aspire to obtain PhD's in their fields so I'm just the pocketbook now. :-)

okijet
by Sister on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:01 AM


Quoting coolmommy2x:

You seem to be as deas set against public school as he is to home schooling. Why is his opinion wrong and yours is right? Not bashing, just asking.

You keep saying the kids are more comfortable at home...without knowing your family, is it possible they have social issues? Are you and DH having these arguments in front of them and they're afraid to leave home?

My DS hated elementary school but went willingly because his friends were there. He flat out told his 1st grade teacher that school was getting in the way of his social life! He's now in middle school and is thriving. For him, sitting in one class listening to the same teacher all day was too much. Now that he changes classes and teachers throughout the day, he enjoys school and is an honors student.

He's just imagining they are good in everything, like...oh ''they're such good kids!'', or they're just kids, they'll grow out of it, and then I am not allowed to intercede or give encouragement.  They aren't seeing us fight, they're seeing him get impulsively demanding on any little thing.  And yes I believe they are stuck.  They feel controlled and not relaxed and responsible for HIM, not the other way.   It's really disheartening. He isn't healthy and it's really really suffocating us as we are trying to hold down routines, and school, isn't school, it's like extra authorities, and he seems to love that, (d/h)  just to get him off the hook of the demands.  It's not school to d/h, it's just a branch handout.

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