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Getting frustrated being the only sense is what "I" make...he's so tyrant-like

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I'll call him the boss, but for better cafemom etiquette, his title is husband.  And children's father.  Here's the problem and my dilema.

Today we are having a nightmare already.   It's today, new years day after.  As children go to school after a holiday it's torment.  Here is our torment plus add 1,000 toments.   Our children absolutely hate school, and I feel it's best to homeschool.  Their father isn't so inclined to side with homeschooling.

He says it's not socializing, and I've seen tons of children become better at things by staying home doing their studies, not being caved by over routined chaos from hating schedules and school programs.  Here is my idea.   Home schooling is approved, it's free, it's relaxed and no schedules are necessary except that the children have their homework done and locked into the system (computer) by 12:00 midnight, or it's a fine,   That seems pretty terrific if you ask me!  I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I was young and remember that being home was all I considered fun.  School was a death sentence.  I was scared, fragile, easily hurt, felt tormented getting up, and now I encourage them to do well and with all the backing I give my own children it's as though it was never done.  Like I've just evaporated right in their lives.  Even though I am more than available for homework, studying, meals, rooms are clean and they just hate school but go ...with hearts broke and crying inside.  Their faces and attitudes really show, ....they hate school.

The teachers try to say that they are better learners with structure and then when we see the grades I see otherwise.  (mostly by the male children)   they seem tough to teach . 

What is your view on homeshool and please try to support any side your sincere about because it's helpful to me on either side.

By the way their dad is so unwilling to have them home since he believes it decays the mind and hurts them not nurtures.  I see it the opposite and we differ so it's impossible to support them when he is against my idea, even just one time. Never EVER listens.

Thank you for your sincere insight and if I'm wrong then I'll thank you!  We all learn in surprizing ways.

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:13 AM
Replies (11-20):
LFosterfarm
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:10 AM
2 moms liked this

 well Darlin, here's my 2 cents worth!

I pulled my oldest 2 out of public school to homeschool them.  Figured I could do a better job.  and for a while I did.  My oldest son has a gament of issues, and by 7th grade knew I wasn't equiped for what was ahead!  Back into public school for the both of them.  Neither one of them graduated school.  Fast forward, I had 2 more children, and I put them in public school and left them.  I also adopted 3 foster kids, yep public school, 2 graduated, one graduating this year, and the 2 youngest doing very well.  My youngest son is doing phenominally actually!

now all that said, homeschooling can be done and done well.  you don't necessarily have to have a schedule.  I did tons of different things.  I also had mine in family school, a program here where they go so school 2 1/2 days a week, they learned science and history, some LA, I did the math, more LA, spelling, and reading and everything else I could cram in.  They were socialized!  and it worked for a while.

my youngest 2.  my son loves school and even after being bullied his first 7 years of school, did well, and is still doing good.  my youngest daughter hates school!  BUT, for someone that hates school, her grades have always been good, and I see her excelling every day!  She wanted to be homeschooled and I refused, she would have never done the work!  It really does take disipline on both sides. 

and last but not least, if this man is that bad, why are you still with him?  I would never let someone treat my children as such!

valkay
by faithful sister on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:16 AM
I do not know you well enough to give an opinion. I do not know if he feels that way because he thinks you will let things slip or help the kids too much. If he feels the kids need time away from mommy.


sahlady
by It's a jen.thing :) on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:06 PM
2 moms liked this

discalimer... Im typing this prior to reading all the responces.

Homeschooling can be good for some, just ok for some, and not so good for some.  There are parents who are great at it, and parents who really are doing their children a disservice.

That all aside... the thing that jumped out to me was your reasoning... I have have to say just from the small bit of info... I think I may disagree with you.

You said your kids dont like school because of the structure.  Well that is something that they will have to deal with when the get a job.  You can not shelter them from structure. Perhaps you thought they were board... if so that is different.  But if you truly mean structure... ie getting up on time, meeting dead lines, being responsible to others... kids NEED to lean that.

I also wonder if you are not putting some of your own childhood issues on to them.  I would really sit and think this through and figure out if it is really your issue or theirs.

sahlady
by It's a jen.thing :) on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting okijet:

That is just the problem, the personality dictated by their dad is going off the board. are you saying that he is abusive to them???

It's effecting their school work at school, he is a darn good dad... if dad is effecting their school work then he is NOT a darn good dad... but also, if he is effecting their school work then what does it matter if they are at school or at home??? 

just abrasive when they are not up and ready and it's not the type of thing I take lightly, he has no boundries, and is never wrong. I guess it depends on what you mean by abrasive... but Im PISSED if my kids are not up and ready for school on time.  They have very few responsibilities as children... they CAN AND MUST be able to be responsible enough to be ready on time.  From kinder on this is expected... NOT and option

When...ever did men take such harshness dealing with children and growing up? Again.. I think you need to give concrete examples... because I expect a father to be demanding (with love) when it comes to discipline and  have high expectations for behavior.  


sahlady
by It's a jen.thing :) on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting okijet:

 in my mind it's so easy I can't imagine a child not wanting to stay home to test or learn So is this about you or what is best for them?


.  I was cohearsed into going to school without even getting a tad for support in staying home to be educated. again... is this residual issues from your childhood??  or really what they need???


My husband isnt' the authority in this it's me.  I know more about what to teach and he simple ''interferes'' with anything I try to suggest let alone won't lift an eyebrow, (what's that tell me, )?  he's just a dictator. Sounds more like a marital issue than an educational issue

To be home with him is hell. If he is so horrible why are you there.... and why would you want the kids to be there?

 


LACHESIS
by Rachel in AZ on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:35 PM

My thoughts are... how old are they and how will they function when they are adults? I agree home schooling can be really good for some people. And really bad for others. 

fnlyhappy65
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:43 PM

 I know some people who successfully homeschool and I have seen some who do not.  My question is if the father is so controlling and demanding and detrimental to the children, how can being home be helpful?  I'm confused on that part.

okijet
by Sister on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:14 PM

notice how everyone is helpful here on this issue and THANK YOU k, You've overdone the kindness, and I am thankful and it makes total, sense.   But the only thing that mattered was the **why*** part that he cannot tell me this kindly himself.   That is why I feel so repressed to have to go on this site, it's as though he really needs help communicating and then he'll probably get upset (he's that way every single day) later about me venting **here***.

Makes no sense, when any type of talking isn't being done and could have been but no, no no non no no no, it's just get the FFF out, or FF you , or you are an f-ing problem, or anything but discussion of ANYTHING>    I'm not making this up, he's that way all the time.  I realize men just love to sit and watch t.v. and wrestling and all that stuff, but if he wants me to just leave, I'm refusing to just leave since courts don't grant you child support from a man who isn't able to work.   (he collects

okijet
by Sister on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:35 PM


Quoting okijet:

notice how everyone is helpful here on this issue and THANK YOU k, You've overdone the kindness, and I am thankful and it makes total, sense.   But the only thing that mattered was the **why*** part that he cannot tell me this kindly himself.   That is why I feel so repressed to have to go on this site, it's as though he really needs help communicating and then he'll probably get upset (he's that way every single day) later about me venting **here***.

Makes no sense, when any type of talking isn't being done and could have been but no, no no non no no no, it's just get the FFF out, or FF you , or you are an f-ing problem, or anything but discussion of ANYTHING>    I'm not making this up, he's that way all the time.  I realize men just love to sit and watch t.v. and wrestling and all that stuff, but if he wants me to just leave, I'm refusing to just leave since courts don't grant you child support from a man who isn't able to work.   (he collects

it's not that personal, I believe even in the worse situations to always stay, since leaving just exascerbates all elements.    More single moms aren't happy, and the kids here aren't allowing me to--- nor I,... for #1.   I don't believe in leaving as an answer,

Thanks for all the replies, you are right on support level, and only now the reasons to not homeschool seem better, because some person (people) with patience and kindness took this time for my vent, 

Wow, this is a good site today..   I'm happy and content for writing this.!

firelites
by Anne on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:44 PM

 we did some homeschooling with my son between the 6th to 8th grade, but I had my Mom , a retired middle school teacher, it worked very well because she knew what was expected . He reentered high school in 9th grade with his cousin and graduated with no problem. If you can find a retired or teacher that has been laid off it can really work to the child's advantage, but yes they do need outside activities and some sort of phys-ed, in Jas's case we went with fencing lessons with the local S.C.A. chapter, good luck with it

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