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Getting frustrated being the only sense is what "I" make...he's so tyrant-like

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I'll call him the boss, but for better cafemom etiquette, his title is husband.  And children's father.  Here's the problem and my dilema.

Today we are having a nightmare already.   It's today, new years day after.  As children go to school after a holiday it's torment.  Here is our torment plus add 1,000 toments.   Our children absolutely hate school, and I feel it's best to homeschool.  Their father isn't so inclined to side with homeschooling.

He says it's not socializing, and I've seen tons of children become better at things by staying home doing their studies, not being caved by over routined chaos from hating schedules and school programs.  Here is my idea.   Home schooling is approved, it's free, it's relaxed and no schedules are necessary except that the children have their homework done and locked into the system (computer) by 12:00 midnight, or it's a fine,   That seems pretty terrific if you ask me!  I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I was young and remember that being home was all I considered fun.  School was a death sentence.  I was scared, fragile, easily hurt, felt tormented getting up, and now I encourage them to do well and with all the backing I give my own children it's as though it was never done.  Like I've just evaporated right in their lives.  Even though I am more than available for homework, studying, meals, rooms are clean and they just hate school but go ...with hearts broke and crying inside.  Their faces and attitudes really show, ....they hate school.

The teachers try to say that they are better learners with structure and then when we see the grades I see otherwise.  (mostly by the male children)   they seem tough to teach . 

What is your view on homeshool and please try to support any side your sincere about because it's helpful to me on either side.

By the way their dad is so unwilling to have them home since he believes it decays the mind and hurts them not nurtures.  I see it the opposite and we differ so it's impossible to support them when he is against my idea, even just one time. Never EVER listens.

Thank you for your sincere insight and if I'm wrong then I'll thank you!  We all learn in surprizing ways.

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:13 AM
Replies (31-40):
by Gold sister on Jan. 3, 2013 at 5:11 PM

Dealing with schools can be frustrating. But millions of parents do it every day. You need to not see the teachers and administrators as your enemy. I used to go and check it out for myself. I made myself a frequent visitor at my kids's schools. When parents show up,  and are respectful, they will be listened to. There were times when I wasn't homeschooling, especially the three older ones.

My advice: Write down all of your requests and deliver them (smiling) to the teacher first. If no action is taken, then take your written request to the principal. But all requests should be in writing and dated. 

Also, include a requested date when you will be following up to make sure everything has been taken care of. Then if they do nothing, produce your copies of the letters and say you will need to go a step further. And then do it. Go to the school board if the teacher and principal

Always offer an alternative or a solution to the problem in your letters. If you don't want your child on the thin carpeting for hours (and do you know for sure they are actually keeping kids down on the carpet this long at one whack? Make sure you have the absolute facts), offer an alternative solution for your child. Make sure she has a sit-upon cushion filled with foam rubber. Or an appropriately sized chair. Is your child complaining due to discomfort or cold because of being on the floor?  Make sure you quote your child in the note. And even better yet, include your child in your meeting with the teacher, and have the child explain how he or she feels about the situation at the meeting. Practice at home talking about the situation, and involve the child in figuring this out. Don't leave them out of the equation. This is very empowering for a child. I did "role-playing" with my kids as young as six, to help them practice what they wanted to say to the teacher or principal. It was very good training for them, and now they are adults who can assert themselves. I was not a meddling or controlling mother. I helped empower my kids.

Also, if you want to get your child excused from PE, etc., for physical health reasons, yes, you will need a doctor's excuse. This is typical in all schools. They are not being unreasonable about it. They also cannot ignore a doctor's note. Make sure you have one for your records, and that the PE teacher has read the letter and that it is on file in the office. A "round table" conference sounds like it is in order, to set matters straight. Again, include your child. Set a good example, and speak with politeness but be firm about what you expect.

In addition, your child must be her own health-advocate. Even if there is a doctor's excuse on file at the school, she could have a subsititue teacher one day who expects her to run. Make sure she is able to speak up for herself. She must be willing to walk out of the room and down to the office if anyone tries to make her do something that would be injurious to her health.

Make sure in your conference, where you set all this straight, that they are aware of what you are instructing your children to do. Tell them to call you immediately if there are any difficulties.

Basically, you don't want to get the reputation for causing your kids problems. You want to be gracious at all times, and speak confidently and with poise. Let the school staff know you are serious, but always interested in solving the problem with them.

Now, as for your statement that all men are interested in their own rights, where do you get that? I guess you never met a man who actually listened. All men are not jerks. You needed to have felt deserving of one before you got married. There are lots of great men out there. If you insist on staying with a jerk, you might want to start climbing out of the hole you've gotten yourself into. Take some steps and elevate yourself. Get out there and take classes, begin to be self-supporting in any way you can. Take one step at a time to become independent. You don't have to be treated poorly for the rest of your life. You just need a hand up.

Quoting okijet:


Quoting MentorMom1:

P.S. Why do you need to tell your husband that you are "talking" to people on CafeMom? I would protect myself, and not say anything at all. You have a right to have relationships with other women.  It's okay to have supportive friends.

That's the point, he doesn't talk,  he dictates.  Men.  They wouldn't know ;''right'', or ''rights'', because it's all about them and their rights, and they're right... not us, according to them.  

If it's an issue about anything he is in charge no. matter. what.   He wouldn't want to take me to dinner tonight or other nights, simple fact of him (his words,)  "I'm in charge''.  ....(he says about him

SO.... they will go to school and see the same old incorrigible things that we saw, like sitting for hrs on back breaking floors with nothing other than thin carpeting, no support, and in indian style.  I sent a note to school once, and now dada sends his note to them today, ...something will get done this time.  (of course, why would it get done last time.  nobody reading this would ''SEE"  those hidden reasons. 

The REASONS are for the children's sakes.   NOT who said it.   THE Fact that sitting on a floor with thin carpet for hrs is back breaking and abusive to children's spines is the one reason that we are against having schools taking over our lives.   WE aren't always right at everything, but this is large scale---- dictating children like this.

Just 2 months ago they wanted to have her run in gym and get out of breath and when she cannot breathe her heart rate cannot keep up, and she is well built, without extra added weight.   So for her to have to have gone to school to ....NEED a note.   to ....NEED to go to a doctor.  ....NEED to have a foreign plastic medical appliance INTRODUCED in front of her face,.... to have trauma like that and know WHEN SHE'S violated on exacerbates fixable preventable forseeable and easily stopped ..........DUMB STUFF

SO..... so much dumb stuff , isn't it time to just have schools listen to children for once.  NOT NOTES!!



by Sister on Jan. 3, 2013 at 6:07 PM

Honestly there is nothing wrong with anything she is hurting from and nothing I've said about it is wrong.  I am not looking for some issue to fling around, I only want the family to heal.  Children aren't just disposable, or objects, or some picture.  They aren't having fun, so they'll make sure everything seems perfect to them. 

I enjoy the crafts pics on one of the other posts, even if they're christmas , I've done these in sunday school.  It's funny seeing them again.

by Sister on Jan. 3, 2013 at 6:09 PM

I think a child should learn in the environment where he or she thrives. 

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 6:24 PM

About 5 years ago, I pulled my child out of a private school. He was failing and the teacher nor principal seemed to care. The kids were picking on him and he hated getting up so early and trying to focus in school. I felt I had only one choice and that was to homeschool. My kids education is very important. Yes, it is a sacrifice of time and patience, but, your children are worth it. As to the socialization aspect of it. There are groups you can find online, and sometimes local groups that meet once a month. If not, there is church, there are things like boy scouts, libraries have extra things that meet and allow kids to socialize. You could even start your own homeschool group to meet. For me, the only choice was homeschool. If you decide to do so, I'd be glad to send you some links for workbooks and such. 


Tina butterfly

by Sister on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:44 PM


by Sister on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:23 PM

I met maybe two people in college (within the last 5 years) that had been homeschooled.  They seemed to be doing well enough.

I come from a family of school teachers, so I really support public schools over homeschooling.

I'd think you'd might want to consider what will work for your marriage as well.  Homeschool this year, public school next year?

by Bronze sister on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:36 AM

I wanted to finish my senior year at home, I was just really fed up with high school. I think I'd have had a better senior year studying at home.

I think that for some kids homeschooling is a better option. I remember discussing it with my daughter, as a possible way to keep her with me in California (the public schools here aren't very good) but we decided it was better for her to go to school in New York.  You're the childrens' mother and have probably spent more time with them and know them better than their father, so I hope he will listen to what you (and it sounds like the kids, too) want to do. 

by Terri on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:19 AM

My hubby/I took our youngest son out of High School,his Junior Year,due to his being bullied.And talking of ending his own life at 16,So//Point being we homeschooled now he is asst, manger at a store,And it was/is saferfor him,He still gets depressed but at least we still have him.He is 27,he hated public school most kids were mean to him,nnow they are trying to make nice,Your hubby should thinnk of all things,

by Sister on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:44 PM


Quoting soaringflutes:

I met maybe two people in college (within the last 5 years) that had been homeschooled.  They seemed to be doing well enough.

I come from a family of school teachers, so I really support public schools over homeschooling.

I'd think you'd might want to consider what will work for your marriage as well.  Homeschool this year, public school next year?

Thought of that.   He won't let the issue be brought to light, it's get the F out or shut the F up,  is all he says. (my dad did this also)   I was thankful for school looking back (today, now) only now.   Because this post is actually ONLY now showing this light to my eyes.   It's not easy this world.    Nothing is.  We repeat only things that the world shuts us from or shut off from us.   I am not new to this idea of homeschool, it's not hard to understand that my son should be able to know that he can and will be able to get and keep a job and have his own money which is a great encouragement at his age, very good.   I'd never shun it .   He could work anytime, or anyplace that is feaseable, or near at first.   It's his good fortune to know choice.  His dad believes the sun and moon revolve around himself.  And we all have to obey that .  Or get the F out, etc. etc.   I think many a household should be out of this golden goose irrational life. * and time.* waste.  We are family , sure but I see that we have to sign a  paper just to avoid the pain from school floors that hurt her back,  which is beyond long over due time that this practice was deleted.   It's like baking a cake with just flour, and saying here enjoy this dry flour!! Isn't that great!! sure it is, see, you all are just fine, and the children puking all over school and than needing to go back to school, well it's the parental choice and our CHOICE is that she isn't also pushed into that deep a pit where she'll have to FIT IN to THAT nonsense.    IT'S STUPID***senseless, uncaring, against health policy, and just plain abuse .   IT's been happening since the 1960's my GOD!!  Help, what next , we are banned from praying in our own homes. 

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 10:39 PM

Public School or Home School, Which is Right for You? Our comparison of public school versus home school may help you decide the best option for your child. Keep reading to discover the pros and cons of public vs. home school.

If you are reading this article, then education choice is probably a high priority. So what are the pros and cons of a public school education versus a home school education? What is best for your situation?

Regardless of whether you go online or actively seek out public school and home school advocates in your area you will soon find that there is a heated debate over which type of education is better. There are two important factors to first consider before weighing the actual system of education:

  • First, analyze the child or children to be educated. Do they have special needs, either physically, intellectually, socially or emotionally?
  • Second, analyze your own situation. If homeschooling, can you provide the needed environment of learning? Can the public school system provide the needed environment of learning?

With these considerations in mind, we can now study the pros and cons of each educational system.

Public School

Public schools have varying degrees of educational prowess and resources. A good step is to check out local and state statistics concerning the level of education in your area schools. These can be found online or by contacting the district offices. Once you have a cursory knowledge of the school’s educational aims, you should consider the following pros and cons.

Pros of Public School:

  • Learning within a group setting
  • Extra-curricular activity availability
  • More curriculum opportunities
  • Diverse social education

Cons of Public School: 

  • High student-teacher ratio
  • Less independence (scheduled learning)
  • School chooses curriculum
  • Peers based on area instead of choice

With a myriad of statistics online promoting both public school and home school, it is easy to get confused as to which is best. Another good resource is neighbors who have been in the area for a long time. Discuss your concerns over the educational opportunities in your area with people who have experienced it.

Home School

One startling statistic is that more and more people are choosing home school. In fact the number of homeschoolers is now in the millions. Consider the following pros and cons in making your choice.

Pros of Home School

  • Free to choose curriculum
  • Free to choose schedule
  • Small teacher to student ratio
  • Teaches students to be independent in their learning choices

Cons of Home School

  • Usually more expensive than public school
  • Teachers are not always qualified to teach all subjects
  • It’s harder to provide social interaction
  • Colleges sometimes have stricter admission policies concerning homeschooled students.

A con or a pro, depending on how you look at it is that children and parents are in the same vicinity for days at a time. Some parents cherish that time with their children and some parents are driven crazy if their kids are not out of the house. Again, going back to the first considerations, you must analyze yours and your children’s needs.

Regardless of your choice, the important thing is to understand what is available and the consequences of both systems. Through research and reading articles such as this, you are, in effect, becoming educated about education.

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