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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

40's and the dating scene

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:07 AM
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Being 42 with a 7 yr old has definitely presented its challenges to me and I guess I am feeling kinda bummed....I've been very cautious about my dating activities and decided to let my guard down this past to September when I starting dating someone I had known a long time. J, who had just turned 50 was divorced as well with 2 kids who were grown and out on their own.

Prior to our dating, we had the serious conversation of being in different life cycles and J had exclaimed that he was well aware of that and was accepting of my life as it exists. Welp, last week, I got the "we're in two very different stages of life and I don't feel like I want to be tripping over toys at this stage in my life...."

His interactions with my child had been limited in exposing any "relationship". What she did see was two good friends spending time together as I didn't want to push things (and now glad that I was cautious as I was!)......

I guess I'm just sad as I enjoyed the companionship. It's been 4yrs since the divorce...I know that I don't need somebody to be happy, as I was living a full life prior to J's arrival in our life....I didn't think that there was a huge gap, but our priorities in life were certainly different. I'll be hesitant to test the dating waters again for a very, very long time.

:(

Thanks for listening....
Sham
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
keljo05
by Kelly on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:24 AM

ehh... its going to happen. Men are more hard wired to have to have someone in their life and he most likely did not look at the full picture when he first spoke.

While not much comfort, I'm glad you found out this soon into the relationship as opposed to a year in. I know it still hurts,  I'm sorry he changed his perspective. 

Seriously868
by Bronze sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:40 AM
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I'm sorry. I agree with Kelly, most men are hardwired like that. I have no doubt if my marriage ends that husband will have a girlfriend immediately. I imagine I would be single the rest of my life.... Which I admit is not what I want but between being careful and raising my two..... Well you know. Hugs:....
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LilShamrock
by Sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:45 AM
Thanks gals, I appreciate the posts...

Happy Monday...
RubyQ
by Gold sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:50 AM
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 Why be hesitant when you're so astute at navigating the pitfalls?  You took proper precautions with your daughter's affections and they turned out to be necessary. That's preparation. 

 Not doing something-- in this case, dating--simply because it doesn't work out perfectly the FIRST time is self defeating. Not to mention being rather punitive to yourself. No relationships are perfect--even ones we've had for years. Why place that condition on a budding, possible relationship you aren't familiar with? If you think about it, because you thought with your head, first, and not your heart, this recent relationship did end up going 'perfect'.

 _-You got to explore a new relationship you might not have explored otherwise.

 --You chose a person who was honest enough to tell you how he really felt, early on, preventing dragged out resentment if you had invested deeper into the relationship.

 --That person's honesty, and your foresight, prevented any emotional fallout for your daughter, and limited emotional fallout for you, when the dating relationship ended.

   So while this relationship ended as it should, it didn't end up as you wanted; but that's no reason to punish yourself with not enjoying dating at all.  : )

LilShamrock
by Sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:55 AM
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Insightful words Ruby, your points are well taken. Thank you
RubyQ
by Gold sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:04 AM
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hugsfeel better


Quoting LilShamrock:

Insightful words Ruby, your points are well taken. Thank you



starlight1968
by 40ish hang out queen on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:29 AM
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 Just take it a day at a time...Don't make a big issue of it and just enjoy life..most times when you aren't looking for it something comes along..  Go out, enjoy life and when you find that special someone that wants to share in your life, you will know..  HUGS

cuteoverload
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:07 AM

If I could do it all over again, I would have been friends first for a least two years before getting serious.  Next time that is what I am going to look for, not someone who disrespects me and just wants to hop in bed. 

cherylam
by Bronze sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:12 AM
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I'm so sorry.... the dating thing when you're in your '40's can be confusing and sometimes just nuts... been there too, but with no small children and it was still nuts.  I was blessed to find hubby when I did, he was the last one I looked at online, and I had just decided to give dating a break.  I had just turned 50, and of course heard the 'you're more likely to get kidnapped by a terrorist than to get married again'. My kids were both married and I was on my own, so i wasn't in the same place you are.  Lo and behold, out popped this tall, dark * handsome Irishman!  Give it a little time, and when it's right, you'll find the right one, and it'll be well worth the wait.

cherylam
by Bronze sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:16 AM



Quoting Seriously868:

I'm sorry. I agree with Kelly, most men are hardwired like that. I have no doubt if my marriage ends that husband will have a girlfriend immediately. I imagine I would be single the rest of my life.... Which I admit is not what I want but between being careful and raising my two..... Well you know. Hugs:....


I agree... most men are wired that way. My husband was out looking 6 weeks after the death of his last wife (she took an 'accidental' overdose), and if anything happens to me, I give him two weeks...he's honest and says he doesn't want to be alone.

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