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40's and the dating scene

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Being 42 with a 7 yr old has definitely presented its challenges to me and I guess I am feeling kinda bummed....I've been very cautious about my dating activities and decided to let my guard down this past to September when I starting dating someone I had known a long time. J, who had just turned 50 was divorced as well with 2 kids who were grown and out on their own.

Prior to our dating, we had the serious conversation of being in different life cycles and J had exclaimed that he was well aware of that and was accepting of my life as it exists. Welp, last week, I got the "we're in two very different stages of life and I don't feel like I want to be tripping over toys at this stage in my life...."

His interactions with my child had been limited in exposing any "relationship". What she did see was two good friends spending time together as I didn't want to push things (and now glad that I was cautious as I was!)......

I guess I'm just sad as I enjoyed the companionship. It's been 4yrs since the divorce...I know that I don't need somebody to be happy, as I was living a full life prior to J's arrival in our life....I didn't think that there was a huge gap, but our priorities in life were certainly different. I'll be hesitant to test the dating waters again for a very, very long time.


Thanks for listening....
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:07 AM
Replies (11-18):
by Mac Goddess on Jan. 21, 2013 at 9:38 AM
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I'm sorry you got a little hurt in this prospective relationship but aren't you glad you found out now rather then later?

There are plenty of men that are in the same "life cycle" as you and some that are more open to realizing that sometimes the best fish (which you are) have little fishies. 

Hugs to you sweetie and welcome to 40ish. :-)

by Nana on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:03 AM
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Hi, hon i am sorry you are fealing with this! Different cycles where did that term come from? Sounds like you were the adult in this relationship ( not introducing j as anything but a friend to your 7 yr old, some parents do that right off the bat and the kid winds up having several uncles). Dont give up hope my sil has at 49 found a 3rd dh ( omg dont get me started on my sil lol) who not only is on her cycle But has been tripping over toys of her grandson for the last almost 4 yrs and at 56 he has a adopted said 4 yr old! So they are out there, i guess its like the old saying ya kiss alot of frogs before finding your Prince lol or just a good man to share your life with and more importantly your 7 yr old! Good luck and hugs hon
by Sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:11 AM
Well if my marriage ended, I wouldn't be looking for another serious relationship. I would play the field and party it up! Younger men, lol!
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by Silver sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:04 PM
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Quoting RubyQ:

 Why be hesitant when you're so astute at navigating the pitfalls?  You took proper precautions with your daughter's affections and they turned out to be necessary. That's preparation. 

 Not doing something-- in this case, dating--simply because it doesn't work out perfectly the FIRST time is self defeating. Not to mention being rather punitive to yourself. No relationships are perfect--even ones we've had for years. Why place that condition on a budding, possible relationship you aren't familiar with? If you think about it, because you thought with your head, first, and not your heart, this recent relationship did end up going 'perfect'.

 _-You got to explore a new relationship you might not have explored otherwise.

 --You chose a person who was honest enough to tell you how he really felt, early on, preventing dragged out resentment if you had invested deeper into the relationship.

 --That person's honesty, and your foresight, prevented any emotional fallout for your daughter, and limited emotional fallout for you, when the dating relationship ended.

   So while this relationship ended as it should, it didn't end up as you wanted; but that's no reason to punish yourself with not enjoying dating at all.  : )

That's for sure.  For the first few years after parting ways with my dh I was feeling sorry for myself and not looking ahead.  My dating was sorry.  Then on  one of my mopey bitchy days dd had enough and she gave the dating speech I gave her.  I had forgottem my  own advice, not too much from the above.  Started opening up, eventually got my groove back.  My bf of a few years is my man.  We are a pair.  We are just about agreeable on most things---sex, our dislikes, what we do, where we go, our and his kids, and so on.....  Getting married again, maybe.

by Manning Fan on Jan. 21, 2013 at 4:24 PM

 I am sorry; (( hugs)). I do know exactly what you mean.

by Cajun Witch (dealer) on Jan. 21, 2013 at 4:42 PM
I have to agree with Kelly here..

Quoting keljo05:

ehh... its going to happen. Men are more hard wired to have to have someone in their life and he most likely did not look at the full picture when he first spoke.

While not much comfort, I'm glad you found out this soon into the relationship as opposed to a year in. I know it still hurts,  I'm sorry he changed his perspective. 

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by New sister on Jan. 21, 2013 at 5:01 PM

I can relate.  I meet the perfect man(or so I thought) we clicked so well and he asked me to move in with him.  So I proceeded to start looking for jobs near where he lives, gave notice to my landlord and everything....this past weekend it blew up in my face and now hereI sit!

by Sister on Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:25 AM
Thanks everyone....

This too shall pass.....
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