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How to deal with mom when you dont really like her

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So I do love my mom, she is getting older, 67. We lived apart for many years and 2 yrs ago I asked her to move closer (and her husband). Since then I have gotten to know her as a person and although i do love and care about her I am not sure how to deal with things.

Basically and to sum up, she is emotionally damaged which has made her have very low if any self esteem, she is extremely negative in general, she over over analyzes everything to death, she is paranoid, she thinks everyone including the grocery store employees, librarians, doctors, neighbors etc dislike her or are out to get her in some way.

I have tried to talk honestly to her but that always backfires or does no good, I have tried to email her little inspirational quotes, I try to just listen and be supportive or without seeming like its on purpose try to turn the conversation into a positive to help her see a different point of view on whatever the subject of the hour is. I dont really spend as much time with her as in the past, we dont go to each others homes often (even though she lives 5 min away and I have kids).

Anyway what do you do if you have someone in your life you love, like your aging parent, but dont like? I feel sorry for her and just wish she could be happy and positive about life, she has so much to be happy about but cant see it through the fog of negativity.

Thanks for "listening"

by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:26 PM
Replies (31-36):
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 1:40 PM

 Sorry and hugs

by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 2:07 PM

 I don't dislike anyone

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by Wanda - Indian Girl on Mar. 31, 2013 at 2:55 PM

We teach unconditional love....You may not like what your loved ones do but you love them and find the help they need...So many precious moments are lost over things like this...Some times the child need to give their parents more love and understanding...think back when you were a kid and the things you did, that your parent survived. Only the shoe is on the other foot this time.

by faithful sister on Mar. 31, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Accept her for who she is.
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 5:18 PM

I would say try to overlook the thinks you don't like, and cherish every moment with her. My mother died a few months ago. I'm glad that I really enjoyed her company, and I really loved her, she had her moments, but she was a strong, vibrant woman. I'm so proud of her! I miss her!

by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 5:58 PM
It is so hard and I'm sorry you are going through this, your heart tells you the right thing to do especially since she is your mother is support her but some relationships are so strained, it is best to keep away because it is best. Only you could decide what is best for you and the world doesn't need to know so you don't feel judged, I've had to do the same with my mother because I felt like she took every breath out of me with her negativity, she is someone who laughs in your face when something bad happened, and its better this way for me. I just try to live each day better, thankful for everyone and everything in my life and not turn into her so that my kids don't feel the uncomfortable around me later in life.
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