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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Ready to Talk

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:52 AM
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Hi - I havven't been around much and for that I am sorry.  A lot going on but know getting to point where anger and hurt are gone and I'm OK with what is about to unfold in my life and my family's life and I'm ready to talk about it. So here it goes.....

part of why I haven't been on besides computer problems is family issues. My mother and I are not getting along - barely talking. She is moving out to senior housing. I told her everything goes of hers and when she moves we are done. I am done with her meaness and lack of everything. She doesn't help with groceries or cleaning. My son doesn't want to be around her - he asks me why is his grammy so mean. Can I bring back his VoVo from heaven cuz he cared and was nice and even helpful. That's lot for 6 year old to have to deal with. I know she is my mother but I can't have my son, my husband or me be rudley treated or snapped at when all we did was open our house to her, her dog and treated with niceness and all.  Sad my mother and I use to be so close and now I can't even be in the same room. My mother does have short term memory loss but doesn't think she does. I'm a liar and so are the doctors that say she does. She calls me liar, and bitch to my face and with my son in the room. I can't let her hurt me or my family. SO  I AM DONE WITH HER WHEN SHE MOVES OUT.  She owes me money according to her she doesn't. Last night I told her that she does. and if I was really mean I would have done what she did years ago when we asked to borrow money - she drew up paperwork had us sign it and notorized it. We paid off with no problems. But I didn't do that I trusted her - where she obviously couldn't trust us. Which still hurts me but I got over it. So I told her to pay us the money and realize that I'm done. She already lost one daughter and grandson due to money and now she's gonna lose me and another grandson all because of money. To me FAMILY COMES FIRST ALWAYS  - funny she taught me that but she can't put FAMILY first never could.

by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:52 AM
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Replies (1-9):
PinkDragonFly
by Shazzy on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:58 AM

my mom has short term memory loss too and calls me a lair too, I could never have her live with me. I'm sorry you went through that. Hope things get back to normal for you soon.

Sharon

Revenge and more

http://www.cafemom.com/group/118222


BL2010
by BL on Mar. 7, 2013 at 11:03 AM
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{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. Hopefully once she's out and in the senior home you all can move on. Maybe even one day be able to go visit her.

starlight1968
by 40ish hang out queen on Mar. 7, 2013 at 11:14 AM

 Having issues w/my mom too.. HUGS...

wishbearmom
by Ruby sister on Mar. 7, 2013 at 11:37 AM

Oh sweetie! I am so sorry. Dealing with aging parents can be so trying. ((HUGS!!))

kim8934
by Sister on Mar. 7, 2013 at 12:13 PM
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my heart goes out to you.  Has she always been mean?  If not, then this could be the onset of Alzheimers.  I watched my Aunt & cousin go through it.  My cousin is an elder care nurse and couldn't even handle it.  It is much harder than anyone would know, besides, you don't want them to be in danger.

Long story short, my aunt told my mom my cousin was beating her and abusing her. my mom would ask me to check on my aunt (2 hours away).  So, I would stop in unexpectedly.  Not that I don't trust my cousin, but the least I could do was make sure my aunt was ok.  I never once found any abuse.

I understand you want to give up, but after she goes into a home, you might want to change your mind.

jlsjjsmom
by Sister on Mar. 7, 2013 at 12:51 PM

Sorry you're having these issues. I agree that having her live with you isn't in the best interest of your family; glad you were able to find senior accomodations for her. I hope once she moves out and you take a break for a bit you'll change your mind about cutting her out of your life completely, especially since you used to be close. As hard as it is to see her so 'mean' remember that it's not her fault. Memory loss/dementia is a horrible thing and robs a person of their true self. My MIL had early onset Alzheimers and went through a stage where she was very mean, even to the point of hitting and biting my Sis in law (her cartaker). She started developing it in her late 40's and died in the final stages at age 61. By the time I met her she was already in the early stages and dh always regretted that I didn't get to know his 'real mom'. 

k1kelley
by Kim on Mar. 7, 2013 at 1:11 PM

I am so sorry you have to deal with taht. I have similar problems with my in-laws. Good luck! Am sending prayers your way!

RubyQ
by Gold sister on Mar. 7, 2013 at 3:02 PM

 Good for you for taking charge of your daily living environment, and creating a new day for yourself and family. May the days only get better from here, and your sense of self continue to grow and stay as strong.smile

looneymom424
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 7:27 PM

At least you were close to your mother before like someone said take time to cool off and go see her she may be upset that she cant remember things.  My mother did something unforgivable and I just dont have the heart to go see her now that she has Alzhemiers and cant remember what she did.  Or they say she doesnt.  I never had a close relationship with her at all.

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