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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

How do...

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:36 PM
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How many of you ladies have a hubby with anger issues? How do you handle them?? Especially if you have kids around when he goes off?
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hau_siyoka
by Doll Baby on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:48 PM
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Set anger barriors...like in your room or outside.....Like a child with a temper tantrum till he crossed the line....My children are all adults and escorted him to his car to find another place to put up with him...

Strongly advise anger management and if the children are an impressional age seek some activites for them as well....Sorry you are going through this....there is so much stress in todays journey through life....even the most mellow persons are getting fed up....get some help and keep us posted on YOU we enjoy spending time with our sisters and do the best we can to allow them to vent....We have a VENT-alation Room and you can just let it all out....We will be here to help support you through trying times

dana63
by Momma of 40ish on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:16 AM
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 Mine did and I had to tell him to go and "walk" it off or go in his room until he calm down. I never allowed him around my kids when he "exploded" and once he got an eye opener his anger seemed to be have disappeared.. Now he is mellow some days too mellow...

Cindy1221
by Sister on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:43 AM
What was his eye opener?

Quoting dana63:

 Mine did and I had to tell him to go and "walk" it off or go in his room until he calm down. I never allowed him around my kids when he "exploded" and once he got an eye opener his anger seemed to be have disappeared.. Now he is mellow some days too mellow...

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Cindy1221
by Sister on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:46 AM
Thank you, that means a lot to me. Im just wondering when enough is enough, you know? My boys are 4, & 6, very impressionable ages..

Quoting hau_siyoka:

Set anger barriors...like in your room or outside.....Like a child with a temper tantrum till he crossed the line....My children are all adults and escorted him to his car to find another place to put up with him...

Strongly advise anger management and if the children are an impressional age seek some activites for them as well....Sorry you are going through this....there is so much stress in todays journey through life....even the most mellow persons are getting fed up....get some help and keep us posted on YOU we enjoy spending time with our sisters and do the best we can to allow them to vent....We have a VENT-alation Room and you can just let it all out....We will be here to help support you through trying times

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MsMimna
by Sister on Mar. 10, 2013 at 9:33 AM
1 mom liked this

Tell him there are deal-breakers....and blowing up around the kids is one. He needs an outlet, we all do. My hubby either goes out to the barn to work on one of his project cars or up to our sitting room for quiet time. Sometimes he blows up with me ( not at me) because he knows I'm here for him. But he doesn't understand how to redirect his anger at times, so....barn time. Talking about will help, and letting him know your on his side will help him understand why he needs to change. Hang in there, it gets better :))

hau_siyoka
by Doll Baby on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:40 PM
2 moms liked this

Oh Sis!   Those are our future and to make the future  a better place you need to find a way to get some consuling for you and the children....

Life is to short and before you know it those little ones will be standing up to you and trying out their lil minds think WORKS..

I am all for the family being together  but that means on the same page...Our anger problem evolved into  Domestic Violence and I am glad I took that time with my children...Because as adults they did the right things for me...They understand that their father is a very sick man and it was their learning about anger that helped us move on as a family....They are all great kids and I have never seen or heard them raise their voices to their spouses....and should one speak openly in front of me they step up to the plate and stops the situation before it comes to heated moment...

Being lil boys they are the perfect age to learn about good and bad and the dangers would be more of a concern to me...Social services provide programs for families and I would do some research and take advantage of them now so your future and that of your sons will grow ON THE SAME PAGE...There are anger management for people who can accept they need the help....I do know that now is enough sweetie...

Don't hesitate to drop me a message I am here to help my sisters in anyway possible and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...Much love to you and the boys...



Quoting Cindy1221:g

Thank you, that means a lot to me. Im just wondering when enough is enough, you know? My boys are 4, & 6, very impressionable ages..

Quoting hau_siyoka:

Set anger barriors...like in your room or outside.....Like a child with a temper tantrum till he crossed the line....My children are all adults and escorted him to his car to find another place to put up with him...

Strongly advise anger management and if the children are an impressional age seek some activites for them as well....Sorry you are going through this....there is so much stress in todays journey through life....even the most mellow persons are getting fed up....get some help and keep us posted on YOU we enjoy spending time with our sisters and do the best we can to allow them to vent....We have a VENT-alation Room and you can just let it all out....We will be here to help support you through trying times


cuteoverload
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:46 PM
1 mom liked this

 That is a tough situation to deal with especially with small kids.  I hope that you get counseling on how to express feelings appropriately.  Hugs to you.  I was there and am divorced from it and do not miss it and with alcohol it makes it worse.

Cindy1221
by Sister on Mar. 11, 2013 at 12:04 AM
Thank you so much for what you say. I grew up with physical abuse and Ill be damned if i will allow it to take me over in adult life. We all know when mental abuse starts, physical would be the next. I spoke to him and said that today is the day he has been given notice. I will not tolerate his behavior and if it happens again, I am done. Our 22 yrs of marriage will be over. What really puzzles me, why the past two years did it get worse?

His response was, what seemed to be a sincere apology, and he said it will never happen again...he has said he would work on it...before...hes good for awhile, then back to being angry, and quick too.


Quoting hau_siyoka:

Oh Sis!   Those are our future and to make the future  a better place you need to find a way to get some consuling for you and the children....

Life is to short and before you know it those little ones will be standing up to you and trying out their lil minds think WORKS..

I am all for the family being together  but that means on the same page...Our anger problem evolved into  Domestic Violence and I am glad I took that time with my children...Because as adults they did the right things for me...They understand that their father is a very sick man and it was their learning about anger that helped us move on as a family....They are all great kids and I have never seen or heard them raise their voices to their spouses....and should one speak openly in front of me they step up to the plate and stops the situation before it comes to heated moment...

Being lil boys they are the perfect age to learn about good and bad and the dangers would be more of a concern to me...Social services provide programs for families and I would do some research and take advantage of them now so your future and that of your sons will grow ON THE SAME PAGE...There are anger management for people who can accept they need the help....I do know that now is enough sweetie...

Don't hesitate to drop me a message I am here to help my sisters in anyway possible and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...Much love to you and the boys...



Quoting Cindy1221:g

Thank you, that means a lot to me. Im just wondering when enough is enough, you know? My boys are 4, & 6, very impressionable ages..



Quoting hau_siyoka:

Set anger barriors...like in your room or outside.....Like a child with a temper tantrum till he crossed the line....My children are all adults and escorted him to his car to find another place to put up with him...

Strongly advise anger management and if the children are an impressional age seek some activites for them as well....Sorry you are going through this....there is so much stress in todays journey through life....even the most mellow persons are getting fed up....get some help and keep us posted on YOU we enjoy spending time with our sisters and do the best we can to allow them to vent....We have a VENT-alation Room and you can just let it all out....We will be here to help support you through trying times


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Cindy1221
by Sister on Mar. 11, 2013 at 12:09 AM
You have great strength to get yourself out of that.
He doesn't drink, so i really think its true anger issues... And what is weird, the past few arguments have been over food...?!?


Quoting cuteoverload:

 That is a tough situation to deal with especially with small kids.  I hope that you get counseling on how to express feelings appropriately.  Hugs to you.  I was there and am divorced from it and do not miss it and with alcohol it makes it worse.

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harmony7
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 7:34 AM

 

Quoting Cindy1221:

You have great strength to get yourself out of that.
He doesn't drink, so i really think its true anger issues... And what is weird, the past few arguments have been over food...?!?


Quoting cuteoverload:

 That is a tough situation to deal with especially with small kids.  I hope that you get counseling on how to express feelings appropriately.  Hugs to you.  I was there and am divorced from it and do not miss it and with alcohol it makes it worse.

If this is uncommon for him than Perhaps something is up in his personal life? Men tend to try to protect and fix and they get overly frustrated when they cant "Fix" it. My bff contacted me last week her husband has been over the top angry and she was frightened by it...when we looked at what was going on in their lives... Only child has become very ill and may have to have a brain shunt, she has been in the hospital with over the top anxiety from sick child...and He cant fix it...on top of that when they finally had a sit down talk he is having Serious issues at his job and may lose it and had not wanted to share that burden with her to protect her...but his anxiety was coming out in extreme anger. She said you could visably see the pressure lift off of him by sharing.

Pam in Alabama
A Mom to nine sons and one daughter with five still at home
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