Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

DS wants Dad to go to a concert over his wedding weekend

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:33 PM
  • 15 Replies
  • 257 Total Views

Here's the story: My future DIL and DS are getting married in July. They plan to go on a honeymoon two days later. The night before they leave, they want to take her dad (divorced from her mom for many years) and my husband to a rock concert. We do not know her dad at all, but have heard from DS that he can be a real jerk. There is tension between him and our future DIL.

DH projected that DS wants him to go because it might defray some of the tension (keep him from acting like a jerk), having another person there. And it's something they can do with her father, although he actually lives in the same town and could do something with them at any time.

We are planning on arriving a few days in advance, and our other family members are coming in for the wedding that weekend also. DH's mother lives there and we rarely see her at all. She's 84.  I want DH to spend time with everyone, not go off to a concert with just DS, DIL and her dad. It seems kind of strange.

DS says it'll just be for three hours, but that's a pile of you know what. He going to have to drive them an hour away to their hotel, where they'll spend the night, and then go to the concert, another 45 minutes away. And then drive back for an hour or more.

I'm thinking it'll take most of the day. Now it isn't like DS and DH have never been to a concert before.

Also, younger DD is inviting her new BF. We want to get to know him, as well.

So after DH and I talked about it, I said I would rather he hang out with everyone, instead of going to the concert. When I spoke with DS today (I called him about something else), he started in. What did I have against his dad going?

I told him I wanted his dad to spend time with everyone who was coming from across the country, and with his mother, who he never sees.  He didn't like that. He said I was controlling him, and went on about letting his dad decide what he wanted to do for himself..

I said I think his fiancee wants him to go to help defray any tension with her dad. That's more like the truth. Well, that did it. He came unglued. My husband heard the conversation and walked out. He is pissed that I told him that.

I think DS and future DIL are basically using  DH, who is a great guy and loved by his four kids, by taking him to a concert with just them and her dad, so maybe he can feel a bit less guilty for their bad relationship and lack of bonding.

I do not imagine we will ever spend any time with the guy in the future. Ever. And I really don't care to.

What's your take?

by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:33 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow... This is a tough one... My opinion, please don't be mad, but I would let dh make his own decision. That is not saying you can't voice your opinion to him, but he should be the one to accept/decline and explain to ds or family of his decision.

rosebud727
by Mac Goddess on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this. Sounds like a big stink was created that could of been avoided if you just voiced your opinion to your husband only.


Quoting ALolies:

Wow... This is a tough one... My opinion, please don't be mad, but I would let dh make his own decision. That is not saying you can't voice your opinion to him, but he should be the one to accept/decline and explain to ds or family of his decision.


MentorMom1
by Gold sister on Mar. 16, 2013 at 3:02 PM

I realize this. The problem is that DS did not respect that his parents already talked about it when DH told him he wasn't going. DS is not accepting of this, as he wasn't very accepting hearing no to fun things when he was younger. He wants to convince his dad to go, and make me into the bad guy. Old story. If he just left it alone, and was an adult about it, it would be over by now. I would never consider going off with just a couple people during a family weekend gathering. It would be rude in my book.

Quoting rosebud727:

I agree with this. Sounds like a big stink was created that could of been avoided if you just voiced your opinion to your husband only.


Quoting ALolies:

Wow... This is a tough one... My opinion, please don't be mad, but I would let dh make his own decision. That is not saying you can't voice your opinion to him, but he should be the one to accept/decline and explain to ds or family of his decision.



 

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Mar. 16, 2013 at 4:14 PM

But it is your ds wedding weekend. Not a family weekend. Correct?

MentorMom1
by Gold sister on Mar. 16, 2013 at 4:18 PM

 true


Quoting ALolies:

But it is your ds wedding weekend. Not a family weekend. Correct?


 

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Mar. 16, 2013 at 4:22 PM

I promise, I am not trying to make you feel bad. I have been where you are. You will find a happy medium... 

blowing kisses

rosebud727
by Mac Goddess on Mar. 16, 2013 at 4:40 PM

Well, I hope you all get it worked out and have a good weekend, wedding included regardless when this day hits.

Quoting MentorMom1:

I realize this. The problem is that DS did not respect that his parents already talked about it when DH told him he wasn't going. DS is not accepting of this, as he wasn't very accepting hearing no to fun things when he was younger. He wants to convince his dad to go, and make me into the bad guy. Old story. If he just left it alone, and was an adult about it, it would be over by now. I would never consider going off with just a couple people during a family weekend gathering. It would be rude in my book.

Quoting rosebud727:

I agree with this. Sounds like a big stink was created that could of been avoided if you just voiced your opinion to your husband only.


Quoting ALolies:

Wow... This is a tough one... My opinion, please don't be mad, but I would let dh make his own decision. That is not saying you can't voice your opinion to him, but he should be the one to accept/decline and explain to ds or family of his decision.





mom22tumblebugs
by Silver sister on Mar. 16, 2013 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm with DS. Wedding guests come to town, but you don't have to spend every minute with them. Going to a concert, that is apparently important to DS and probably doesn't happen everyday, is not going to prevent DH from seeing and spending some time with the guests. Maybe DH will be a buffer... but this is also his DIL, so if DH isn't opposed to the idea, and the drive times, then I wouldn't stop him. I would cover for him. Besides, you will be seeing all these people at the wedding too. If you want to spend quality time with these people, then you do it by visiting them, or keeping in touch via phone. Not cramming it into a short weekend where the wedding party will be stressed to begin with. After a wedding a little fun is a good thing... though after mine, the last thing I wanted was to be around any family. I was "outta there!" We left for our honeymoon the next morning.

cuteoverload
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:17 PM

 WOW HUGS SIS

St Patricks Day Myspace Background Codes and St Patricks Day Myspace ... 

MentorMom1
by Gold sister on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:30 PM
2 moms liked this

I think I'm starting to get the message. I need to put my big girl panties on, correct?


Quoting ALolies:

But it is your ds wedding weekend. Not a family weekend. Correct?


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)