I'm new here b/c I need some objective feedback about my situation. My husband and I have been married 18 years this month. We have a 7 and 10 year old. While My husband is a recovering alcoholic and prescription drug abuser (3 1/2 years now), the strain that his past issues have put on our relationship have been tough to overcome. We've been through 4 episodes of alcoholism and 2 of prescription drug abuse until I finally gave him an ultimatum in 2009. We spent the first 8 years of our marriage drinking and partying. In 1993, we had our first child....he went crazy--not into parenthood and I took care of our daughter and eventually our son until he got sober 3 years ago. He's not a bad guy and in the words of my neighbor "it's not like he beats you" but at the same time, we have a shell of a marriage. Haven't had sex in almost two years (he suffers from depression and is still on withdrawal drugs from his last prescription pill addiction) and have NO intimacy whatsoever. It's like having a roomate/brother around. He has finally learned to engage with our kids, which I appreciate, but I feel like there are so many fundamental issues in our marriage that I don't even know where to start. I've gone to counseling, but if I mention divorce, he flips out and says that we will NEVER break up the family (denial). To make matters worse, his company is struggling and has been for a while and he's not making any changes to make the situation better. I'm now the breadwinner. I feel like I deserve to be happy and am tired of always being the one who has to step up and handle things, but am really worried about my kids. I know that divorce can be tough on them and they're too young to explain our circumstances. I'm not a supermodel, but I get attention from men when I go out with my friends on occassion. I feel like I'm trapped in the movie, "Bridges of Madison County"--knowing there's probably something better out there for me but not wanting to rock the boat and/or be selfish at the same time. I can tell that he's really trying at home to make me happy, but I'm paralized when it comes to communicating with him lately....again, don't know where to start. Not sure if marriage counseling can fix this mess, esp. when we never had the most romantic relationship in the first place. There's so much more to this story, but that's the overall gyst of it.....what to do???? I have gone to some counseling on my own which has been helpful.