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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Kindergarten Drama

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 12:06 AM
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Last week at my dd's school function, one of her classmates approached her while she was working on a craft project and wanted to take a picture with her.  I missed the initial interaction and all I saw was the boy's mother turn and walk out with her child in a huff.

I am casual friends with this little boy's mother, he has been to our house before and the mother and I are "friends" on fb but that's about it.

I contacted her on fb just as general conversation and noticed that all of her responses to me we very short and curt.  I asked her if I did something wrong and if she was pissed at me for some reason and her response was, "No, not you, your daughter."  When I pressed her for details, she told me that her son got his feelings hurt because my daughter "brushed him off and didn't want to take a picture with him." 

Is it me or is this nuts?  She got "pissed at a 6 year old?"  When I talked to my daughter, she got upset and said that she was just trying to finish her craft project and that she did, in fact, play with this boy during school and that he was her friend.  She told me that she would apologize to him for not taking a picture with him.  The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I got.  I told her that was nice but that she didn't have to apologize for not taking a picture, she could just apologize for him getting his feelings hurt.  The mother contacted me the next day to thank me for talking to my dd and to let me know that she apologized to this little boy in school that morning.  I told her I thought the way she handled this was a little harsh and she should have contacted me to begin with if there was a problem. 

I'm not sure whether I should continue any contact with this woman.  Seems a little wacky to me???  Any thoughts?

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 12:06 AM
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ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Apr. 28, 2013 at 5:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I think that mom could take some maturity lessons from your daughter... Hugz to your daughter for stepping up even though she didn't mean to hurt his feelings. Kudos to you on how you handled it....

hugs

maryg38
by Sweet Mary <3 on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:23 AM
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So let me see if I got this right... The mother got upset with your DD because she didn't stop her coloring to take a picture with her son?

Your DD has more maturity than that mother.
Kudos to her for taking the steps to say "I am sorry" and to you for instilling those values in your daughter!

Hugs
MentorMom1
by Gold sister on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:33 AM
3 moms liked this

Here's what I see. The mom wants to prevent her son from experiencing even the most minor disappointment. Minor disappointment is actually positive stress. Without chances for positive stress - as when parents try to make everything in their kids' lives peachy keen and smooth, children do not learn to be resilient. 

When kids are not resilient, they can't deal with what life throws at them. They become a pain in the royal A$$ to deal with. 

It's the other mom's trip. For whatever reason she is anxious (no doubt having to do with her own childhood, perhaps she was neglected). Therefore she wants to make sure her kid is not neglected or put off by anyone, and that he receives what she believes is his "due."

What if she hadn't been there watching? Likely the boy would have brushed it off. Soon, however, he will have learned to react to these situations like his mother. He will become the biggest cry-baby you've ever seen. He will lack resilience and she will ultimately end up having to cater to him. He will be in charge. She will bend to his every desire and whim. She will have taught him that he is not strong and capable, able to deal with difficult situations in a positive way. How sad. 

Your daughter needs to be praised for setting her own boundaries in the way she did. Anytime she wants her personal space, it's OK to tell people (nicely). The work she was doing was important to her. She was in a creative place. And she exercised her voice. It means she has a sense of mastery over herself. And she doesn't have to be a people pleaser to survive in her world.  You helped teach her that.

You will not probably make a huge dent in the other's mom point of view by being friends. But we aren't required to be best friends with everyone. Just civil. 

mrgetinold
by Gold sister on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this
Its Nuts, hon! Omg if she and her ds are gomna be huff pissy over a missed photo op now ( your dd was on a roll and wanted to finish her art project) what are they gonna do if god forbid something else where to come up? And that you had to press the mom to find out what happened is just odd. But who knows maybe she had more gping on at the time, was pms ing or woke on the wrong side of the bed? Maybe dont be quick to write her off just yet, but keep this on radar for next time, good luck and hugs!
coolmommy2x
by Silver sister on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:59 AM
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I wouldn't have had DD apologize. Now the other mom "won" and will continue to expect that you and DD will fall into line everytime Jr's feelings get hurt (and like a PP, I suspect if mom hadn't been there, he wouldn't have cared).

Your DD said no, she didn't owe him anything. The most I would've done was say DD was concentrating on her project, she should've been allowed to finish and then maybe she would've said yes to a picture. Mom was the intruder, not your DD.

Jr's gonna get his feelings hurt sometimes, mommy has to stop fighting his battles for him.
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my2sweetjoys
by Kay on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:18 AM
1 mom liked this

I have to agree with everyone on this one.The mom should have saw that your DD was busy and needed to not be interrupted.It was rude of her to get upset over that.She should have explained to her son that your DD was busy with her project.Simple as that-we have to teach our kids to respect when someone is busy because they could be in the same situation and not want to be bothered

valleymomma1
by Bronze sister on Apr. 28, 2013 at 12:34 PM
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Good it got sorted out.  I find 1/2 the parents of my sons kindergarden class odd lol. 

RubyQ
by Gold sister on Apr. 28, 2013 at 12:54 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yes. S-l-o-w-l-y back away. This woman is reliving her childhood emotions through her daughter, which is not that uncommon actually, with a lot of parents. But it is detrimental to her daughter--and anyone else's child that she might project these feelings onto. Of course an adult making a child emotionally responsible for their happiness or unhappiness with situations is preposterous! Any emotionally mature person would know this and wouldn't put stock into what a child this young does or does not do with regards to social interaction. So, that should tell you right off that she is not wrapped too tight.

 Let your daughter interact with him at school, but it might be wise not to go out of your way to foster any further relationship with either of them outside of school. 

crazynut
by Bronze sister on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:27 PM
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 RUN AWAY!!! She is crazy!!

wishbearmom
by Ruby sister on Apr. 28, 2013 at 3:53 PM
1 mom liked this

The mom was way oversensitive in my opinion. My DD, even at 9, wouldn't have thought to stop what she was doing, refocus on something else. It's the grow-up's job to act like a grown-up!!

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