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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Our day of reckoning & have you dealt with this?

Posted by on May. 3, 2013 at 12:35 PM
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Our dad passed away April 5th. Our sm didn't want us to come to the hospital to say good-bye. She didn't want us at the house. She didn't want the extended family at the funeral, but it was packed so not everyone could get in the church. She didn't want us involved in any of the planning for the service. She verbally attacked my sister later that night in front of my 14 year old niece. We were a very close family and always spent holidays together and spoke all the time on the phone.

We sent her a letter requesting items from the estate. Only a small portion of his personal possessions and not a lot of monetary value. We gave her a date to respond by, which is today. We heard from an attorney, but she was not in agreement with most of what we asked for. We only asked for things that were his before their marriage. There is no will. She inherits house, bank accounts and vehicles.

We have learned we are legally entitled to 25% of what they purchased together, which includes a household of new, very nice furnishings. We don't want it, but have to include everything that was a personal possession, whether singularly or jointly owned without a title or deed. Now we have to file a formal probate case on Monday, and can't believe it because it's stupid to fight, and spend thousands of dollars. Have any of you dealt with a situation like this before and how did it turn out for you?

by on May. 3, 2013 at 12:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
dana63
by Momma of 40ish on May. 3, 2013 at 12:39 PM
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 I cant say that I have but I wish you good luck and keep us posted.. I am sorry for your loss and sorry your step mom is being this way.. I had a step grandmonster and she did my grandfather bad before she passed away..

Bleacheddecay
by Gold Sister -lp on May. 3, 2013 at 12:52 PM
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I haven't either. So sorry you are having to go through this. *HUGS* I think people who have been married before and who have kids should sign papers about who gets what before marriage.

rosebud727
by Mac Goddess on May. 3, 2013 at 1:06 PM
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Gosh, so sorry about your father. Even with wills I have seen family inheritance issues get dragged out. The best thing is to document like crazy and be persistent.

I don't understand her hesitancy to return items that were before her marriage. Is she that selfish of a woman?

Oh wait, yes, yes she is. She didn't even want to give his own children the privilege of saying good-bye to their father.

AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on May. 3, 2013 at 1:06 PM

I absolutely agree. He refinanced his house and put her on all accounts about a year ago. We understand him wanting to take care of her, but she walked into a marriage with no money of her own, upside down in a car payment and was living in apartment. We don't understand how she could be so disrespectful of his family. He was married to our mom for 28 years, when she passed. We know he'd be angry that she is trying to hold on to everything, especially things that should go to his grandsons, and they are things she would never use, but could sell for money. He would have never done this to her family.

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I haven't either. So sorry you are having to go through this. *HUGS* I think people who have been married before and who have kids should sign papers about who gets what before marriage.


AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on May. 3, 2013 at 1:10 PM

She collects her ex dh's ss, and received a large life insurane policy when he died, although they were each remarried. It was in their divorce decree that they each carry a policy for the other because they were married for 41 years. She left him 8 years after finding out he and their dd had a sexual relationship for 9 years. Pretty sick. She gets a six figure estate several times over from my dad, and yet it isn't enough. BTW, she also teaches bible study and never misses church. Life is so ironic and unfair sometimes.

Quoting rosebud727:

Gosh, so sorry about your father. Even with wills I have seen family inheritance issues get dragged out. The best thing is to document like crazy and be persistent.

I don't understand her hesitancy to return items that were before her marriage. Is she that selfish of a woman?

Oh wait, yes, yes she is. She didn't even want to give his own children the privilege of saying good-bye to their father.


campingmomof4
by on May. 3, 2013 at 1:20 PM
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 My husband passed away in February.   He didn't have a will.  As his wife I get 50% and his adult son gets 50% of anything in his name only. Any items that was in both names was mine souly.  I didn't have to share.    We asked his son to give up his half of the estate.   The only thing in the estate is the house, truck and camper.   The house we bought together but my name wasn't on it because of a VA issue. 

The son signed the papers and gave me everything.  He told the lawyer he knows that everything we had was because of each other.  We where together for 17 yrs. 

I hope things work out.   My sister and bil had the same issue you are having with my bil's stepmother.  My sister asked for some jewerly that was her late mil's and the step mother wouldn't give it to them.   They didn't get anything.  The will left everything to the stepmother. 

LeetjieJ
by Gold sister on May. 3, 2013 at 1:23 PM
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I am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of your grief.

I cannot comprehend someone denying a child/grandchild the opportunity to say goodbye.
Bertieb
by Sister on May. 3, 2013 at 1:44 PM
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I am so sorry and can't imagine what her problem is. I am a stepmom and if something happened to my husband I would not want or expect to keep personal things that were his before our marriage; I think he feels the same way. Does she have children or someone advising her to fight with you all? Do you think she could have a mental illness or it's just a breakdown that she will work through while grieving? My sister acted horrible after my mother died. I wondered if we would ever speak again but she finally settled down, and acted like some of the things she said and did never happened! I just went along and did too to keep the peace.  I hope maybe that happens for you.

BL2010
by BL on May. 3, 2013 at 2:09 PM
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Wow, I am so sorry for what you all have to go through. That is just wrong. To bad your dad didn't have a will or something in writing stating what each child should/would get.

I would check with your local court or at least a lawyer as to what the laws are in your state. Most states have something that if there is no will the wife gets so much and the children get so much.

Mariagma3
by Wild Midwest Lady on May. 3, 2013 at 2:18 PM
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 Christine- I am so sorry for your loss of your dear Dad! Second, I have never dealt with anything like this. What a horrible step monster! HUGS!

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