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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

My friend Dee's ex took teen daughters to hotel room with new wife

Posted by on May. 26, 2013 at 11:10 PM
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Dee is seething. She's my Ecuadorian friend who's desperately trying to survive an ugly divorce. Her narcissist ex married a woman after knowing her only three weeks. That was after several others rejected him. 

He owes her two months back child support, but that didn't keep him from going on a honeymoon and moving out of state with the new wife. Tonight he showed up at Dee's house when she wasn't home. When she came home, she found out he was there and drove off to call the girls. He had fallen off his motorcycle and scraped his leg. Her two teenage daughters were cleaning him up. 

She called him, then, and told him to leave. He said he had already left with the girls and was taking the them to a hotel. He never made arrangements to do that. And now he doesn't live locally anymore. They are spending the night in the same room with him and his new wife, whom the girls only met today. 

Dee is freaking out. What can I tell her? He does have visitation rights. But not the right to walk right into the house whenever he wants and take the kids. 

I am wondering, wouldn't he have to tell her where they were going? And now she wants to go and get the girls and bring them home. She doesn't like the idea of them all being in the same room. Does she have a right to get them from him? 

It puts the kids is such a terrible spot.  Anyone with experience in this kind of thing?


by on May. 26, 2013 at 11:10 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Maida265
by Spanking the Monkey on May. 27, 2013 at 6:33 AM

You don't mention their court ordered agreement so I don't know if there are stipulations in there that would prevent him from taking them or not. For that reason I'm not sure there is anything that can be legally done. He's their father and if it's his legal right to have them, he can do this (whether or not anyone thinks it's in the girls best interest or not.) I'm not saying he should have done this...or would like it if these were my kids, but unless things are specified in that court order, there is little that can be done.

She could try going to get them, but I would bet there would be a big fuss about it and cause those kids more upset than if you just left it alone.

dana63
by Momma of 40ish on May. 27, 2013 at 6:43 AM

 I agree with Vickey it all depends on her court order. If he has visitation then this is considered a visitation. The law dont state it cant be in a hotel room or for that matter where. What I would do is tell her to contact her lawyer and see what her rights are if she isnt sure of the order. NOW if she has primary custody and the days are the second Wed at 6pm to 7pm he is in the wrong and she can do something.

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on May. 27, 2013 at 9:39 AM

I agree. She has to check her custody papers to know what her or his rights are. 

MentorMom1
by Gold sister on May. 27, 2013 at 11:30 AM

Thanks for your insights, Maida. Here's what ended up happening last night. Dee had given me a copy of her divorce decree when I visited last weekend, so that I could help her understand it. Unfortunately, her lawyer didn't do much in that regard and being ESL doesn't help, either. 

What I discovered was - in the first place - he does not get the kids over this particular Memorial Day weekend. She gets them. (Has to do with even and odd numbered years.) And - he doesn't get overnights with the kids except one per month, and must give her 14 days notice in advance. And notice anytime he want to change his scheduled alternate Sat. 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. visitations.

I don't know if he realized that (I doubt it), or just thought better of his decision. She tried to get through to him, and to her daughter's cell phone, and left a message that she was going to pick them up. But he brought them back. 

It really frosted her panties when he showed up there and went inside while she was out. He can't do that either, according to the decree. 



Quoting Maida265:

You don't mention their court ordered agreement so I don't know if there are stipulations in there that would prevent him from taking them or not. For that reason I'm not sure there is anything that can be legally done. He's their father and if it's his legal right to have them, he can do this (whether or not anyone thinks it's in the girls best interest or not.) I'm not saying he should have done this...or would like it if these were my kids, but unless things are specified in that court order, there is little that can be done.

She could try going to get them, but I would bet there would be a big fuss about it and cause those kids more upset than if you just left it alone.



MentorMom1
by Gold sister on May. 27, 2013 at 11:36 AM

Hi Dana, I looked at the decree last night. He should have known better. He wasn't supposed to have the kids. (See my response to Maida for details.) What a mucky mess. He even had her believing that her spousal support will go away if she moves out of "his" house. She has to pay the mortgage while living there for up to five years, but what the decree says is that he has to let her. Not that she must.  And he can't sell it before her time of spousal support is up, unless they do so by mutual agreement..

I'll tell you, people need to read these documents thoroughly, and have them interpreted. It's easy for women, I think, to be frightened by what they don't understand.


Quoting dana63:

 I agree with Vickey it all depends on her court order. If he has visitation then this is considered a visitation. The law dont state it cant be in a hotel room or for that matter where. What I would do is tell her to contact her lawyer and see what her rights are if she isnt sure of the order. NOW if she has primary custody and the days are the second Wed at 6pm to 7pm he is in the wrong and she can do something.



AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on May. 27, 2013 at 11:43 AM

I think it's great that you are helping her to understand her divorce decree and he better get into compliance with his visistation if he doesn't want to be held in contempt. Hopefully, she documents these times when he doesn't comply, in case she needs to do something down the road. Normally I would say it isn't that big of a deal and she should be happy he's trying to visit, but he needs to be respectful. He sounds like a bully with the way he treats her about the house.

MentorMom1
by Gold sister on May. 27, 2013 at 11:57 AM

One would think it's great that a dad is trying to visit his kids. But he is absolutely is not respectful about it. He is such a narcissist that he thinks he can operate any way he chooses and it's perfectly fine. It's not the first time he has let himself into the house without permission. He thinks if he calls the kids, they can let him in. 

The kids found out he was getting married through Facebook. Can you imagine? He made arrangements to take them out to eat about three weeks ago. When the kids arrived at  the restaurant, he had his car packed and ready to move out of state with his new wife. He canceled the dinner out and they went home broken hearted. 

She has a new lawyer, a former county prosecutor, who said she'd love to take him before the judge. 

Quoting AndrewsMomPDX:

I think it's great that you are helping her to understand her divorce decree and he better get into compliance with his visistation if he doesn't want to be held in contempt. Hopefully, she documents these times when he doesn't comply, in case she needs to do something down the road. Normally I would say it isn't that big of a deal and she should be happy he's trying to visit, but he needs to be respectful. He sounds like a bully with the way he treats her about the house.



25beengoodtome
by Crazy LiL' Sister on May. 27, 2013 at 12:00 PM

Sounds weird, like a case for CPS to be investigating.

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