Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

HELP!

Posted by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 12:48 PM
  • 10 Replies
  • 196 Total Views

I'm a recovering people pleaser. I often times put other people's happiness above my own...and we know that's not healthy. I met this person I went to HS with on facebook back in the fall. We seemed to click as friends. She isn't married, but divorced and lives alone. I on the other hand have four children, albeit all grown but two still live home. This online Facebook relationship became an "on the phone for 2 hours every night" kind of relationship. I blame myself for not setting my boundaries from the start. She also was emailing me complaining about her job, her landlord all the time.

I have had my own personal issues to deal with and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I told this person after listening to her for 6 months that I needed to take a mental health break and why. She understood.

Here's my dilema. She lives in another state and is coming up to visit soon. She announced on Facebook she will be at this restaurant on a certain day and time and her friends are setting up an "event" on FB...so I was invited and to be quite honest I don't want to go. I also need to mention that last week I sent her out a nice email just to say hi since I haven't really spoken to her in well over a month. She responded with a VERY lengthy email. I responded back and she didn't reply. I thought she didn't get the email so I sent it again with no reply. At this point I feel she is being rude. I probably will not go to this event. What are your thoughts?


by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 12:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
GoddessJohnnie
by Goddess Johnnie on Aug. 3, 2013 at 1:04 PM
2 moms liked this

I think you have every right to pick and choose who you spend your time with, be them friends, family, or otherwise.  If you don't feel like going to the event, then don't!  And you don't owe an explanation to anyone either.  If your friend asks why you weren't there, simply say the event did not work for you, and that's it.

This friend sounds like a taker.  She was totally into the friendship when it was all about her, but now that you needed a break and want to reset the boundaries, she's not receptive.  Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that she's not responding like you had thought she would.  She does sound like she's being rude, but it shows you here true colors. 

peaceflower04
by Sister on Aug. 3, 2013 at 1:06 PM

Thank you GoddessJohnnie. Your insight has helped me a lot! ((((HUGS))))


Quoting GoddessJohnnie:

I think you have every right to pick and choose who you spend your time with, be them friends, family, or otherwise.  If you don't feel like going to the event, then don't!  And you don't owe an explanation to anyone either.  If your friend asks why you weren't there, simply say the event did not work for you, and that's it.

This friend sounds like a taker.  She was totally into the friendship when it was all about her, but now that you needed a break and want to reset the boundaries, she's not receptive.  Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that she's not responding like you had thought she would.  She does sound like she's being rude, but it shows you here true colors. 



wishbearmom
by Ruby sister on Aug. 3, 2013 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh my goodness! I can so relate!! You don't owe her anything (though I understand that your heart is saying otherwise; I've been there!) I have a "friend" I met through CM. Our daughters were the same age, so we started meeting at a local park for playdates for the girls. Unfortunately I got sucked into her situation. They were homeless for a time, squatters in a house without heat or water (the pipes were frozen in the middle of winter). I kept hoping that under my guidance and concern they'd get on the right path for the sake of their kids. Sadly, although they are now back on PA and in subsidized housing, they've since had a third child, and her SO (they aren't married) is doing drugs and wasting away, contributing nothing to the relationship and certainly isn't a positive parent. The only time my "friend" calls me is when she needs money and/or transportation, and I can't do it anymore. It's hard to call her my friend when it only seems like a situation of convenience. If even one time she called me to just spend time as friends I'd be relieved, but that's never been the case. I've been used, and it hurts, and I can't afford to maintain the "friendship" financially or emotionally. I think you know in your heart where you're at as well. Follow your heart for  your own mental well-being.

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Aug. 3, 2013 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Hugz Sweetie... If you don't want to go, don't go. And don't feel guily over not going...

peaceflower04
by Sister on Aug. 3, 2013 at 2:51 PM

Thanks ALolies! <3 (((((HUGS)))))))) I appreciate your imput!


Quoting ALolies:

Hugz Sweetie... If you don't want to go, don't go. And don't feel guily over not going...



peaceflower04
by Sister on Aug. 3, 2013 at 2:54 PM

Thank you for sharing wishbearmom! Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry you had to be put through that! I swear, I don't understand people! I guess I am trusting and feel that everyone is like me! Glad you set a healthy boundary with her! <3 ((((HUGS)))))


Quoting wishbearmom:

Oh my goodness! I can so relate!! You don't owe her anything (though I understand that your heart is saying otherwise; I've been there!) I have a "friend" I met through CM. Our daughters were the same age, so we started meeting at a local park for playdates for the girls. Unfortunately I got sucked into her situation. They were homeless for a time, squatters in a house without heat or water (the pipes were frozen in the middle of winter). I kept hoping that under my guidance and concern they'd get on the right path for the sake of their kids. Sadly, although they are now back on PA and in subsidized housing, they've since had a third child, and her SO (they aren't married) is doing drugs and wasting away, contributing nothing to the relationship and certainly isn't a positive parent. The only time my "friend" calls me is when she needs money and/or transportation, and I can't do it anymore. It's hard to call her my friend when it only seems like a situation of convenience. If even one time she called me to just spend time as friends I'd be relieved, but that's never been the case. I've been used, and it hurts, and I can't afford to maintain the "friendship" financially or emotionally. I think you know in your heart where you're at as well. Follow your heart for  your own mental well-being.



starlight1968
by 40ish hang out queen on Aug. 3, 2013 at 3:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 hugs..don't go if you really don't want to!

peaceflower04
by Sister on Aug. 3, 2013 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this

((((HUGS)))))) back to you starlight1968! Thank you! :)


Quoting starlight1968:

 hugs..don't go if you really don't want to!



mjgm1966
by Bronze sister on Aug. 3, 2013 at 3:41 PM
1 mom liked this

 Don't feel obligated or pressured.  Do what you feel is best for you. 

looneymom424
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 3:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldnt go she sounds like it is all about her

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN