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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

In-Law issues......WWYD??

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 3:40 PM
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Ok, so DH takes DS to his football game today. MIL and SIL go to watch. Afterwards, everyone wants to go get a bite to eat except DS. He's almost 9 and he just wanted to go home and play with his friends. Understandable. However, he needs to learn to just chill and go along with what the majority wants to do sometimes, which we discussed when he got home. So, back at the restaurant, he resists, MIL gets mad, etc. etc., SIL is telling DH to be firm and just tell him "NO!" so he'll go in the restaurant. DH says "Well, I'm not going to force him if he doesn't want to go!" SIL says "Well, you're going to have trouble when he's a teenager!" DH says to SIL who has no kids "Yeah, like you'd know." She then said weakly, "Well, I do watch Super Nanny." Really??? They get into the restaurant, DS is going along and because he feels bad, says to DH "Daddy, am I a bad boy?" DH says "No, you're not." MIL pipes up and says "Oh, yes, you are!" Ok, those are fighting words. MIL has said stuff like this before and DH says he handled this, but I don't think so. I want to phone SIL and discuss this, but he says he will talk to her, which may never happen. What bothers me is that he has been nothing but a great kid since day one (not perfect, but great!) and they know it and have often commented on it. Now, all of a sudden, they act like he's going to be hell on wheels because he would rather go home and play with friends. I am chomping at the bit to speak my mind to her or should I wait for DH to handle it??

by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 3:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Brooklynchic
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 3:48 PM

well that depends on you and if you want to stir things up a bit!! you know there will be drama if you say something.. i would leave it alone and next time id make it my business to go to the games especially if their going.. 

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Sep. 7, 2013 at 4:04 PM
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I would have taken my son and gone home right then. When MIL asked why I was leaving, I would have told her. 

Connie04
by Sister on Sep. 7, 2013 at 4:07 PM

Yes, I know it will hit the fan if I talk to SIL.  There is a part of me that would LOVE to tell it like it is.   I will have to make a point of going to all the other games so I can do  damage control with those two around. 


Quoting Brooklynchic:

well that depends on you and if you want to stir things up a bit!! you know there will be drama if you say something.. i would leave it alone and next time id make it my business to go to the games especially if their going.. 


 

Connie04
by Sister on Sep. 7, 2013 at 4:08 PM

 That's what I plan to do if this ever happens again.  I wasn't there this time, but I have been there when MIL has called him "bad" before.  I immediately said to DS, "No.  No, you are not a bad boy."  You think she'd get the hint to shut up.


Quoting ALolies:

I would have taken my son and gone home right then. When MIL asked why I was leaving, I would have told her. 


 

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Sep. 7, 2013 at 4:11 PM
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Next time she does it, tell ger only a bad grandmother would say such things to her grand child.

Quoting Connie04:

 That's what I plan to do if this ever happens again.  I wasn't there this time, but I have been there when MIL has called him "bad" before.  I immediately said to DS, "No.  No, you are not a bad boy."  You think she'd get the hint to shut up.


Quoting ALolies:

I would have taken my son and gone home right then. When MIL asked why I was leaving, I would have told her. 




AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on Sep. 7, 2013 at 4:49 PM

His grandmother and aunt made the effort to see his game and I think that sometimes manners dictate we do things that we really don't want to do. I think it is fine that he expressed his opinion, but as parents we make the decision and don't allow our children to call the shots. I do think when he asked if he was a bad boy, that your mil should have kept her mouth shut and been grateful that you were all there. Discussions of discipline about your son, no matter who has the issue should be done privately and definitely not in front of him. You SIL might be right but her tactics were wrong. If you alienate the inlaws don't be surprised if their support drops off.

Connie04
by Sister on Sep. 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM
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 I've talked about this behaviour with my mother and she is appalled that a grandmother would say that to her grandchild.  So, yeah, if my mom wouldn't say such a thing, neither should MIL.


Quoting ALolies:

Next time she does it, tell ger only a bad grandmother would say such things to her grand child.

Quoting Connie04:

 That's what I plan to do if this ever happens again.  I wasn't there this time, but I have been there when MIL has called him "bad" before.  I immediately said to DS, "No.  No, you are not a bad boy."  You think she'd get the hint to shut up.

 

Quoting ALolies:

I would have taken my son and gone home right then. When MIL asked why I was leaving, I would have told her. 

 

 

 


 

Connie04
by Sister on Sep. 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM

 I totally agree that parents make the decision, but kids are people, too, and they have opinions.  I talked to DS about how you sometimes have to do things you may not want to do to keep the peace, etc. etc. and he totally understands.  He's a kid who is so upset if an adult is mad at him; he wants to do the right thing.  I agree that talk of discipline should be done between the parents and not in front of the child, which is why MIL & SIL should have kept their mouths shut.  They have a history of ganging up on DH and also SIL's husband.  So, they can be very difficult and irritating.  DH & I have talked about this again and he knows how to handle them and he is convinced that they got his point and understand.  I'm not totally convinced, so I will see what happens next time.  If anything is said, I will set them straight and however they want to take it, that's just the way it goes.


Quoting AndrewsMomPDX:

His grandmother and aunt made the effort to see his game and I think that sometimes manners dictate we do things that we really don't want to do. I think it is fine that he expressed his opinion, but as parents we make the decision and don't allow our children to call the shots. I do think when he asked if he was a bad boy, that your mil should have kept her mouth shut and been grateful that you were all there. Discussions of discipline about your son, no matter who has the issue should be done privately and definitely not in front of him. You SIL might be right but her tactics were wrong. If you alienate the inlaws don't be surprised if their support drops off.


 

dana63
by Momma of 40ish on Sep. 7, 2013 at 5:37 PM
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 I would have taken my son home and let them know that my son wasnt bad because he wanted to play with his friends instead of going out to eat. I know that in some ways that can be seen as disrespect for his grandmother and Aunt but in some ways he rather have a quick lunch at home and go out and play. The aunt is parenting not by experinecs but by a show and MIL is telling a child to his face that didnt do anything he is bad making him believe he is bad is just not acceptable.

I would leave it alone and hopefully hub will take care of it. Next game I would be there..

Connie04
by Sister on Sep. 7, 2013 at 6:11 PM

DS is MIL's only grandchild and I think she's having trouble accepting the fact that he's no longer a pliable little toddler.  She's getting older, too, and she's becoming kind of cranky and gets mad easily, which she never used to do.  It seems that her filter is gone and she says some pretty rude things sometimes.  DS feels like he doesn't want to be around her as much because of her negativity and anger.  It's too bad, really.  And it's funny how SIL who has never raised a child thinks she knows everything.  You have no idea until you are there yourself. 


Quoting dana63:

 I would have taken my son home and let them know that my son wasnt bad because he wanted to play with his friends instead of going out to eat. I know that in some ways that can be seen as disrespect for his grandmother and Aunt but in some ways he rather have a quick lunch at home and go out and play. The aunt is parenting not by experinecs but by a show and MIL is telling a child to his face that didnt do anything he is bad making him believe he is bad is just not acceptable.

I would leave it alone and hopefully hub will take care of it. Next game I would be there..


 

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