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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

wwyd?

Posted by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 6:26 PM
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 My friend and I have daughters in the same grade but a year apart (mine 12, hers turning 11).  We were girl scout leaders together.  Our girls were friends because we were but her daughter has run towards the teen years while my daughter is strolling there.  My daughter has asked not to play with her.... meaning dont set up playdates as babysitting (we did this to help each other out).  My friend told me when her daughter's bday party was and asked if my daughter was available.  I should have said I dont know let me check the calendar but I wasnt thinking and said my daughter was available.  We got the evite and there are 8 boys invited and 8 girls invited.  My daughter flat out told me she was uncomfortable with this.  Actually Im fine with a co-ed party (they are going ice skating) but my daughter said she was uncomfortable.

 

would you decline letting your friend know why?

or

would you ask your daughter to reconsider since it is ice skating so she wouldnt have to interact with the boys and it would prevent us from having to let the mom know we were uncomfortable with how quickly her daughter is becoming a teen?

 

 

I know what I would prefer to do.... but was curious what others thought.

by on Sep. 16, 2013 at 6:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
wishbearmom
by Ruby sister on Sep. 16, 2013 at 6:32 PM
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I'd ask my daughter to reconsider, and if she is still not comfortable, just to make an honest woman of myself, I'd schedule something for my kid and then say oh no, we have a conflict of dates. I'm so sorry. I'm not one to go for brutal honesty.

Mariagma3
by Wild Midwest Lady on Sep. 16, 2013 at 6:55 PM

Have her decline, if she's uncomfortable.

jett286
by BrewMisstress on Sep. 16, 2013 at 7:13 PM

When my friend's son turned 16 they planned a party a Hooters...Our son and their son had been best friends since kindergarten but had gone to different high schools and grown apart.  But my son still likes this boy and hangs out once in a while.  We talked to our son about the party because my husband and I were uncomfortable with our son going to Hooters for a bday party at 16.  It just felt wrong to us.  (I'm not bashing Hooters or anything)  We are trying to raise our boys to look at women differently than just T&A because they get enough of that through society.  (we are also not prudes and told our kids they can do what they want when they can drive)...I had to tell my friend why Ian would not be attending the party.  It was hard, we are still friends (they are 19 now) but we did what our son and we thought was best.  I don't think there is anythign wrong with telling the other mom that your daughter isn't comfortable with a co-ed party...Not that there is anythign wrong with it, but for HER she'd not ready or interested in it at this time.  But only if you think it wouldn't hurt her feelings or make her feel judged...other wise if it's too sensitive I'd just say that you have another engagement that you forgot about...  

samomama
by Ms. Fair Weather on Sep. 16, 2013 at 7:29 PM

This.

Quoting wishbearmom:

I'd ask my daughter to reconsider, and if she is still not comfortable, just to make an honest woman of myself, I'd schedule something for my kid and then say oh no, we have a conflict of dates. I'm so sorry. I'm not one to go for brutal honesty.


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Mom since July 13, 2011. And loving it! Well...for most of the time:)

24clark
by Bronze sister on Sep. 16, 2013 at 8:05 PM

I like this advise. I am unsure what I would do in your shoes. Good luck and let us know how it goes.


Quoting jett286:

When my friend's son turned 16 they planned a party a Hooters...Our son and their son had been best friends since kindergarten but had gone to different high schools and grown apart.  But my son still likes this boy and hangs out once in a while.  We talked to our son about the party because my husband and I were uncomfortable with our son going to Hooters for a bday party at 16.  It just felt wrong to us.  (I'm not bashing Hooters or anything)  We are trying to raise our boys to look at women differently than just T&A because they get enough of that through society.  (we are also not prudes and told our kids they can do what they want when they can drive)...I had to tell my friend why Ian would not be attending the party.  It was hard, we are still friends (they are 19 now) but we did what our son and we thought was best.  I don't think there is anythign wrong with telling the other mom that your daughter isn't comfortable with a co-ed party...Not that there is anythign wrong with it, but for HER she'd not ready or interested in it at this time.  But only if you think it wouldn't hurt her feelings or make her feel judged...other wise if it's too sensitive I'd just say that you have another engagement that you forgot about...  



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by Red Room Rebel on Sep. 16, 2013 at 8:17 PM

This exactly. I can always find a way to tell the "truth" Lol

Quoting wishbearmom:

I'd ask my daughter to reconsider, and if she is still not comfortable, just to make an honest woman of myself, I'd schedule something for my kid and then say oh no, we have a conflict of dates. I'm so sorry. I'm not one to go for brutal honesty.


mrgetinold
by Gold sister on Sep. 16, 2013 at 8:38 PM
If she is uncomfortable then i guess as a mom i would say ooops have other plans and maybe send a card and giftz, i wouldnt ask my dd to go any where she was uncomfortable going! Let us know how it goes Jen!
ravenseeyore
by Gee on Sep. 16, 2013 at 9:33 PM

I wouldn't ask her to reconsider, because I would not want her to feel I was pressuring her to go.  Wait a couple of days and ask her if she still feels uncomfortable.  You can always say you have a scheduling conflict, that you had forgotten about.  For whatever reason she doesnot feel comfortable in a mixed setting. 

1kidmomajm
by Kristy on Sep. 16, 2013 at 9:39 PM

Why is she uncomfortable? Because of the boys? Did a boy tease her or bother her or is there a boy that likes her? I would tell her she will have a good time with the girls and to try not to stress about it. She has to face her fears. But if there is a problem with a boy, I may consider letting her skip the party. Can you, mom, go to the party and be nearby?

jmlmomma
by Momma's new BFF on Sep. 16, 2013 at 9:39 PM

Did she tell you why she was uncomfortable? I would not try to change her mind..there must be a good reason she is feeling this way... I would just say to the invite, that your daughter is not up to going.

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