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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

ex Fb pics

Posted by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 11:58 AM
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My dd told me she was upset when she saw pictures of her dad and his new gf. He says he misses his kids yet he doesn't even attempt to get in touch with them. He has pictures of his new home and says our home. Pictures of her kids.

We've been struggling for some v time now and my dd had felt it first hand while he seems to be just doing fine. She said to me this morning, he is not my dad, and walked away. I know she is hurt and I'm not sure what to do or say to her, any advice? Thank you.
by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 11:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LAMARQ
by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 12:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know your situation to really comment. I'm sorry you're struggling with this.

~ * ~ Karen ~ * ~ Momof3gr8boyz


jugglingtea

tnwp21
by Starchild on Sep. 21, 2013 at 12:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, I would simply say, he's not the dad, you know and are used to, but you could try to build a new relationship with him, if for no better reason than to let him know how you feel and how some of his off hand comments, though harmless to him are quite hurtful to you.  I suggest she call him and suggest lunch, I'd suggest she simply tell him how she feels.  Be ready, she may be miffed when she gets home if she goes.  Tell her that it's important for her to express her feelings, if she's done that, then she was true to herself and now she will not have to carry the burden as she has done all she can do, she extended the olive branch and now it's up to her Dad.  You don't have to feel bad about him, she is just starting to see his weakness, and your strengths, it was bound to happen.

Hang in there, you are a Great Mom!

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Sep. 21, 2013 at 12:21 PM
5 moms liked this

I have been where you are. All you can do is be there to hold her when she needs it. Let her vent, but don't talk bad about him. Try to be supportive of her and her decisions without influencing it. I know it is hard, but you are the mom... And she will remember all this and respect you for being there for her.

My DD is now 28 and has re-established a relationship with her father, but my hubby will always be the daddy. We allowed her to make her own desicions as to when to see him or talk to hiim. We tried to stay as neutral as possible. It was hard not to rip his head off sometimes, but we managed. And we are all better for it today.

flika
by Bronze sister on Sep. 21, 2013 at 1:07 PM
He moved 1500 miles away, so lunch is impossible. He actually hasn't seen her or talk to her in almost 2 years. He doesn't call or text or email her at all. It's his lost but I feel bad for my dd :(

Quoting tnwp21:

Well, I would simply say, he's not the dad, you know and are used to, but you could try to build a new relationship with him, if for no better reason than to let him know how you feel and how some of his off hand comments, though harmless to him are quite hurtful to you.  I suggest she call him and suggest lunch, I'd suggest she simply tell him how she feels.  Be ready, she may be miffed when she gets home if she goes.  Tell her that it's important for her to express her feelings, if she's done that, then she was true to herself and now she will not have to carry the burden as she has done all she can do, she extended the olive branch and now it's up to her Dad.  You don't have to feel bad about him, she is just starting to see his weakness, and your strengths, it was bound to happen.


Hang in there, you are a Great Mom!

flika
by Bronze sister on Sep. 21, 2013 at 1:11 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think I said anything when she told me this bc I was in shock after seeing the pictures too and I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I'm trying to be supportive for sure but like you said, it's very difficult to bite your tongue. The woman is ugly Lol

Quoting ALolies:

I have been where you are. All you can do is be there to hold her when she needs it. Let her vent, but don't talk bad about him. Try to be supportive of her and her decisions without influencing it. I know it is hard, but you are the mom... And she will remember all this and respect you for being there for her.

My DD is now 28 and has re-established a relationship with her father, but my hubby will always be the daddy. We allowed her to make her own desicions as to when to see him or talk to hiim. We tried to stay as neutral as possible. It was hard not to rip his head off sometimes, but we managed. And we are all better for it today.

AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on Sep. 21, 2013 at 1:11 PM
3 moms liked this

I would often love to have the life that my FB page looks like. lol My dh's kids have been upset with him from FB postings & pics with my kids, but there is no one on earth who can replace his children. Sometimes grown ups feel they have to make the best of things and it can be perceived as they have moved on. I doubt your dd's dad would trade any of that family for her, and he may feel unsure about what to do with her. It may also be his new wife who posts things on his behalf. It might help your dd to have a conversation with him and to get her feelings across to him if she hasn't and then the ball is in his court. Hugs!

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Sep. 21, 2013 at 1:12 PM

Hang in there!!! You will get past this... How old is DD?

Quoting flika:

I don't think I said anything when she told me this bc I was in shock after seeing the pictures too and I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I'm trying to be supportive for sure but like you said, it's very difficult to bite your tongue. The woman is ugly Lol

Quoting ALolies:

I have been where you are. All you can do is be there to hold her when she needs it. Let her vent, but don't talk bad about him. Try to be supportive of her and her decisions without influencing it. I know it is hard, but you are the mom... And she will remember all this and respect you for being there for her.

My DD is now 28 and has re-established a relationship with her father, but my hubby will always be the daddy. We allowed her to make her own desicions as to when to see him or talk to hiim. We tried to stay as neutral as possible. It was hard not to rip his head off sometimes, but we managed. And we are all better for it today.


wishbearmom
by Ruby sister on Sep. 21, 2013 at 1:14 PM
2 moms liked this

 I think the best thing is for her to drop his FB feed. FB creates so much drama. She has no control over what he posts, but she can control what she sees. ((HUGS!!)) I'm sure it hurts!

AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on Sep. 21, 2013 at 1:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I posted before I saw what you posted here. Shame on him. He's the adult and if he doesn't reach out, then it is understandable that she feels as she does and she deserves better. Has he never in two years made a trip to see her, or offer to have her come visit?

Quoting flika:

He moved 1500 miles away, so lunch is impossible. He actually hasn't seen her or talk to her in almost 2 years. He doesn't call or text or email her at all. It's his lost but I feel bad for my dd :(

Quoting tnwp21:

Well, I would simply say, he's not the dad, you know and are used to, but you could try to build a new relationship with him, if for no better reason than to let him know how you feel and how some of his off hand comments, though harmless to him are quite hurtful to you.  I suggest she call him and suggest lunch, I'd suggest she simply tell him how she feels.  Be ready, she may be miffed when she gets home if she goes.  Tell her that it's important for her to express her feelings, if she's done that, then she was true to herself and now she will not have to carry the burden as she has done all she can do, she extended the olive branch and now it's up to her Dad.  You don't have to feel bad about him, she is just starting to see his weakness, and your strengths, it was bound to happen.


Hang in there, you are a Great Mom!


firelites
by Anne on Sep. 21, 2013 at 1:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 it's always hard on the kids when the other parent forgets they have feelings , and can be hurt

 hugs

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