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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Can you explain this saying to me??

Posted by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 4:18 PM
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"My son is my son til he gets his wife, but my daughters my daughter all her life."

I do know that when a son gets married his focus is on his wife, home and family.

Does it mean that he does not stay connected to his family? They do hers all the time.

I am the one that wonders if we will get a call when our Grand baby is born. That we have been lowered down to an acquaintance level instead of the parent/grand parent level.(in her eyes.)

Is it OK for them to come around only to use our shop and tools? 

I just don't understand this saying well. Lots of people use it on my posts. It feels like once he got married there is no hope to have him and her in our family anymore. To let go of him. I don't think that is right. 

Thanks in advance.

by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 4:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lori942
by UMMMMM....... on Nov. 2, 2013 at 4:27 PM

 Never heard of the saying before and having 2 sons I don't like it at all lol.

Maida265
by Spanking the Monkey on Nov. 2, 2013 at 4:29 PM

 Like you I am confused by this statement. I know all 3 of my older sons have distanced themselves from me at different times in their adult life (mostly when a girl has been involved.) but I can ASSURE you that at the end of the day or when they truly need something or even a way to feel grounded again...they return to Mom.

((hugs)) dear...I don't know your situation but I disagree with this phrase. Once my son...ALWAYS my son. I have always included my son's gf's/sig. others and wives and treat them like family. I do NOT lose my son, but gain a daughter.

Del672
by Silver sister on Nov. 2, 2013 at 4:30 PM
2 moms liked this

 I had 5 sons, and this saying scared, or worried me all the years they were little.  Well, fast forward 20 years, and thank God, I am very important in their lives.  I learned to keep most opinions to myself, and accept their choices of mates.  The results of this is....I am still very important to them..AND to their SO's.  I made my mistakes in life, and learned from them.  Your sons' will too.  Once they have a love to share their life with...good or bad, keep your opinions to yourself unless of course they get out of hand.  That way, even their SO's will not see you as a threat, only someone that accepts them in the family.  You can't lose if you can just keep your opinions to yourself, because if you dont...they will drift away.   Just "be there"  WHEN and IF they ask for your help.    I have never lost a son to my big mouth..and I NEVER will.  Works for me..they love and respect me for that.

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 2, 2013 at 5:00 PM
Heard it forever. Means you don't see your son as much as your daughter in law sees her family.
It is a man women thing too. Men are not gonna call Mom up weekly probably. I called my Mom 3 times a week till she died. Dh talks to his mom every week or 10 days and that is because his sister is dying.


Quoting Lori942:

 Never heard of the saying before and having 2 sons I don't like it at all lol.


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Bleacheddecay
by Gold Sister -lp on Nov. 2, 2013 at 5:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm much closer to and trust my son more. I hope that saying doesn't turn out to be true for us.

hopealways4019
by Bronze sister on Nov. 2, 2013 at 5:22 PM
1 mom liked this
That saying must have been written by a disgruntled mother who son disowned her. That dont apply to every one. Once a mother always a mother. You dont stop being a mother, when child leaves home , and you dont stop being a son or daughter once you leave home. But sadly some kids put their " new family first" dont have time for "birth family". We should never forget our roots, pay homage to those who putted our needs before their owns, who maybe worked two jobs to put food on the table, the person who lost sleep nursing us. Who wiped our dirty nose. Some kids become big headed, and feel no longer need family. You have too combined the two worlds. Rip garrison! My beloved son who loved me and his siblings.He,would have been a great man.
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sunshine97325
by Sister on Nov. 2, 2013 at 5:22 PM

Its true guys don't just call to chit chat...We used to sit around the table and talk about everything. Now, if we were to do that, she would not like it..She is the one that gets those talks. Which I am OK with. 

But, still, if we invite for dinner, shouldn't they try to come?  Or try to schedule another date. Last time she said she is so tired and have so many plans with "friends" so no to dinner. When I asked him he said we can make it work. They didn't have dinner with us but stopped by and guess what their plans she had  planed none of it happened. They were excuses. Also he would normally say have plans or will talk to her first. So, he didn't even know all the plans. Because there were none!! 

Quoting atlmom2:

Heard it forever. Means you don't see your son as much as your daughter in law sees her family.
It is a man women thing too. Men are not gonna call Mom up weekly probably. I called my Mom 3 times a week till she died. Dh talks to his mom every week or 10 days and that is because his sister is dying.


Quoting Lori942:

 Never heard of the saying before and having 2 sons I don't like it at all lol.



atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 2, 2013 at 5:27 PM
That is true. Guess we never had to deal with this because we moved away the day after we were married and the closest we have lived to family is 5 hours away. Furthest another continent. We loved/love our parents very much but have to say it was nice not having to deal with petty things like someone being mad if you didn't come for dinner. We see family a few times a year.


Quoting sunshine97325:

Its true guys don't just call to chit chat...We used to sit around the table and talk about everything. Now, if we were to do that, she would not like it..She is the one that gets those talks. Which I am OK with. 

But, still, if we invite for dinner, shouldn't they try to come?  Or try to schedule another date. Last time she said she is so tired and have so many plans with "friends" so no to dinner. When I asked him he said we can make it work. They didn't have dinner with us but stopped by and guess what their plans she had  planed none of it happened. They were excuses. Also he would normally say have plans or will talk to her first. So, he didn't even know all the plans. Because there were none!! 

Quoting atlmom2:

Heard it forever. Means you don't see your son as much as your daughter in law sees her family.

It is a man women thing too. Men are not gonna call Mom up weekly probably. I called my Mom 3 times a week till she died. Dh talks to his mom every week or 10 days and that is because his sister is dying.





Quoting Lori942:

 Never heard of the saying before and having 2 sons I don't like it at all lol.





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atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 2, 2013 at 5:32 PM
Also it depends how often you expect them to come. I know my MIL and FIL were laid back about never expectingt kids to visit and be mad. On the other hand my Mom did expect my brother to jump and say yes if she invited. Made is glad again we did not live around family. Think MIL and FIL got pushed and pulled by their families until they moved out of state and were laid back about inviting over because they didn't want to do what was done to them.


Quoting sunshine97325:

Its true guys don't just call to chit chat...We used to sit around the table and talk about everything. Now, if we were to do that, she would not like it..She is the one that gets those talks. Which I am OK with. 

But, still, if we invite for dinner, shouldn't they try to come?  Or try to schedule another date. Last time she said she is so tired and have so many plans with "friends" so no to dinner. When I asked him he said we can make it work. They didn't have dinner with us but stopped by and guess what their plans she had  planed none of it happened. They were excuses. Also he would normally say have plans or will talk to her first. So, he didn't even know all the plans. Because there were none!! 

Quoting atlmom2:

Heard it forever. Means you don't see your son as much as your daughter in law sees her family.

It is a man women thing too. Men are not gonna call Mom up weekly probably. I called my Mom 3 times a week till she died. Dh talks to his mom every week or 10 days and that is because his sister is dying.





Quoting Lori942:

 Never heard of the saying before and having 2 sons I don't like it at all lol.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sunshine97325
by Sister on Nov. 2, 2013 at 5:32 PM

I agree need to combine the two worlds. we will always be family. 

I always thought my son and I would have the bond we had while he was growing up. Maybe less on the heavy talks etc. But, still a connection of how daily life is etc. Not just come around when he needs something. Being used is not fun. We love to help but also want to be a part like her family is. 

Sounds like you have lost a son. I am so sorry to hear that. Sounds like he was young.

My son as not passed away, but at times we have mourned the loss of the closeness that we once had. From talks, to special times he had with his Dad like hunting, snowmobiling etc. Life has changed and now we need to start a new. With a grandson on the way hopefully we will get a new beginning. 

Quoting hopealways4019:

That saying must have been written by a disgruntled mother who son disowned her. That dont apply to every one. Once a mother always a mother. You dont stop being a mother, when child leaves home , and you dont stop being a son or daughter once you leave home. But sadly some kids put their " new family first" dont have time for "birth family". We should never forget our roots, pay homage to those who putted our needs before their owns, who maybe worked two jobs to put food on the table, the person who lost sleep nursing us. Who wiped our dirty nose. Some kids become big headed, and feel no longer need family. You have too combined the two worlds. Rip garrison! My beloved son who loved me and his siblings.He,would have been a great man.


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