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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

When you marry someone, you marry the whole family?

Posted by on Nov. 13, 2013 at 8:16 AM
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Not sure I agree with this, but I partially do. My ods broke an engagement this week and I was hurt to find out that his fiance didn't really want to know us or spend time together. I was actually very hurt, and sad for the breakup; but it got me thinking maybe it is best. If the fiance wanted to maintain distance from our family, I only see things getting worse as time goes on as far grandchildren and the relationship with my son, which is close for now.

Do you agree with the statement and try to build a relationship with your in-laws, whether it be mil, fil, dil, sil? Or do you keep your distance and dread that interaction? If so do you wish it were different?

by on Nov. 13, 2013 at 8:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BL2010
by BL on Nov. 13, 2013 at 8:21 AM
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I do agree to a point, but her way of thinking isn't good at all. Fortunately I get along great with my SIL, and hubby gets along great with my whole family. I can't imagine anything different

ALolies
by Red Room Rebel on Nov. 13, 2013 at 8:28 AM
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Yes, I agree. We are all family. We are actually VERY good friends with DILs parents and her brother. As for hubby's and my families, we do all get along. It really does make it easier for everyone to be close.

dana63
by Momma of 40ish on Nov. 13, 2013 at 8:34 AM
3 moms liked this

 I have a SIL and DIL and both love me and act more like my kids than my in laws. We do things with their parents and very happy family.

AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on Nov. 13, 2013 at 8:35 AM
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I think this is the best way to be, and especially for a marriage where children will be involved. I have never met the parents of dd's bf, but not for lack of trying. I just think if people can build relationships amongst themselves, then the marriage stands a better chance of happiness.

Quoting ALolies:

Yes, I agree. We are all family. We are actually VERY good friends with DILs parents and her brother. As for hubby's and my families, we do all get along. It really does make it easier for everyone to be close.


girlcitycountry
by Chris on Nov. 13, 2013 at 9:01 AM

I wish my feeling were different but honestly cannot stand my MIL or DH's aunt. The rest of the family I can at least tolerate. I cannot stand my MIL to the point I cannot be in the same room with her. When she is around I will talk to her for a few minutes but then make an excuse and spend the rest of the time in my office. I don't go to my MIL anymore, I have no where to escape. I have tried and tried again but I just don't get along with her.

DH does get along with my family. I think he gets along better with my family then his own,

 

 

Mariagma3
by Wild Midwest Lady on Nov. 13, 2013 at 9:33 AM
1 mom liked this

 I agree to a point. I have been trying to get to know Anna's family. It's going pretty well! I get along pretty well with Ray's family. Ray gets along goood with my family. I always try, so does he. I agree about it could get worse where grandkids are concerned. Families are so hard to predict!!

gonecrazi
by Lucky :) on Nov. 13, 2013 at 9:40 AM

 To a point. But you are marrying the person and what happens if he has a relative that doesn't want to get to know you. Do you worry about it or just let it go.

mjgm1966
by Bronze sister on Nov. 13, 2013 at 9:43 AM
3 moms liked this

 I agree.  My MIL did not like me too much in the beginning because I had a little girl from a previous marriage. (which was such bs because she had a little girl from a previous marriage when she married my FIL)  But, she wanted more for her "son" (step-son).  And I vowed to my husband to do everything within my power to make her like me.  Never felt like I was good enough for her.  She has always treated me at a different level.  And sadly, she treats our children at a different level than her biological daughter's children.  And my children know it.  And they don't like even being around her.  She raised my husband from the age of 5.  I vow to be the MIL my Mama was.  She treated her son/daughter-in- laws like her own children.  That's what I'm doing with my SIL.  I never want my son/daughter-in-laws to feel what I've felt for the past 20 years.  I think it's important to build that relationship.

lucky2Beeme
by Group Admin on Nov. 13, 2013 at 9:44 AM
1 mom liked this

I totally agree. I come from a family of 6(allmarried 12). Our children(all  19) know when you marry someone they are marrying into our family &  get all of us. WE take care of our own. We will embrace you and love you like our own. We will also let you know when you screw up just like our own. We tell all our kids GFs and BFs make sure  that you want  45 of us before you say " I Do "

I am very close with my DIL. She is the daughter I didnt give birth to. We not only love and respect each other, we are friends.We ask each other for advice, we share a lot and both wish the distance between our homes wasn't so far.

rojastarr
by Fang Slayer on Nov. 13, 2013 at 10:20 AM
3 moms liked this

This is an interesting post. I am having Thanksgiving at my ex FIL's house.My ex and his wife will be there as well as my daughter, her family, my ex SIL with her family ....My daughter did not want me to be a lone. I was just ging to take the girls to Cracker Barrel .... my oldest did not feel that was right. I do get along with my ex and his family so it is ok. I could have gone to my MIL's house but it gets so maudlin with the sadness over the death of my husband/her son. I am going for drama free except that my son in law will lie in a corner in the fetal position and refuse to interact or eat. Is it appropriate to go over and kick him?

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