Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

This is actually a double post.  I posted in the grandma forum, but did not get a response ... 


I am having mixed emotions about this because I am 43 and my 18 year old unmarried daughter just announced she is pregnant.  I am sad, angry, scared and even a little excited at times ... although that feeling is short lived and rare.  I found out a week ago and I am scared to death to tell my parents.  How do you tell your 63 year old mom she is about to be a great grandma.  It was hard enough 23 years ago when I announced at 39 she was going to be a grandma.  Honestly I do not know how to tell her that the family curse lives on ... my daughter is the 6th generation of second daughter to have a baby at 19.  Weird huh? 


It is hard to be happy and excited when you know the long hard road they have chosen and there is nothing you can really do except support them and try to do your best to help and guide them a long the way.  

Oh my youngest is 7 years old too.... that is part of my depression here.  I have ALWAYS had a baby.  I just wanted a little break between kids and grandkids.  

So here I am looking for advice and encouragement, which I am not really getting from my sisters.  My husband is being great and has his moments of shock and disbelief, but is definitely handling this better than I am.  I am planning to wait until after the holidays to tell my parents, but I know what their reaction will be.  Not good.  

I should probably add because we do not have much money.  My husband makes enough to pay the bills and stuff, but we dont do a lot extra becaues we dont have a lot extra.  So my son and oldest daughter are forever going to them asking for this or that ... new cell phones, clothes, money etc ... and I know they are thinking this is just going to be another baby we cant afford to have.  But the one who is pregnant has never asked them for anything.  Ever.  She is perfectly content with what she has.  And I should also just point out that they are not asking for NEEDS, they are asking for wants.  They all have cell phones and clothes... they just want more.  

by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:14 AM
Replies (11-20):
tlcmommi4
by Sister on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:03 AM

yes, our plans do not always line up with God's plans do they?  I know I will be ok, I am just still dealing with the initial shock and if I am going to be honest here, the embarrassment.  We live in a very small town and this will spread like wild fire.  She is Miss _______ (insert town name).  Very hard pill to swallow here.  Of course giving up her crown and title is ridiculously small and nothing ... that I dont care about, its the walking around town and having people talk about my daughter.  I dont want her to be uncomfortable, embarrassed and sad.  

lovnmy3boys
by Sister on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:06 AM
2 moms liked this

Just take it one day at a time... Not much else you can do. I totally understand you wanting a little break, I'm in the same boat.... The little guy with me in my avatar is my 8 year old son, and I have a two yr old granddaughter and a grandson due in the next few weeks. I've come to the conclusion that kids are a fact of life. Kinda strange to have your kid AND your grand baby on your lap wrestling around at the same time, but it's an indescribable feeling lol!! I love it- the only difference is that my oldest is married and out of college, so I'm not worried about that part of it, plus his wife is a SAHM  and absolutely no worries how she is being cared for or supported.


Look at that face, she was watching her daddy play in the snow lol. Good luck- it's going to work out, the same way it did for you :))

CafeMom TickersCafeMom Tickers
atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:27 AM
I agree, adults need to buy what they need and want.

Quoting MamaLauri:

I fully understand your mixed feelings. Your expecting daughter seems to be ready to stand up to her responcibilities. You and your husband need to seroiusly talk about the extent of help you can and are willing to provide. Then share this with your daugther. After that provide love and emotional support. 

BTW: Kids, 18 and older, should be providing for their own wants. Thats what jobs are for. This might be an opportunity to teach them.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ChellBell2013
by Busy momma of 3 boys on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this

sorry the post was missed 

welcome to the group 


Hugs hope things turn around and you are happy and enjoy being a grandma

ChellBell2013
by Busy momma of 3 boys on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:53 AM

she is so cute

Quoting lovnmy3boys:

Just take it one day at a time... Not much else you can do. I totally understand you wanting a little break, I'm in the same boat.... The little guy with me in my avatar is my 8 year old son, and I have a two yr old granddaughter and a grandson due in the next few weeks. I've come to the conclusion that kids are a fact of life. Kinda strange to have your kid AND your grand baby on your lap wrestling around at the same time, but it's an indescribable feeling lol!! I love it- the only difference is that my oldest is married and out of college, so I'm not worried about that part of it, plus his wife is a SAHM  and absolutely no worries how she is being cared for or supported.


Look at that face, she was watching her daddy play in the snow lol. Good luck- it's going to work out, the same way it did for you :))


tlcmommi4
by Sister on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

I might have painted the wrong picture about my 23 year old.  She works and pays her own way for the most part.  She has hit a few bumps along the way because southern FL was much more expensive than she realized.  So she has asked for some help the last year but because I had her so young she sort of grew up as my parents "4th  child" and used to ask them for a lot ... not so much anymore.  My son is still a child, he just turned 16 a couple months ago.  But I am forever getting texts from my parents after he has asked them for things.  My dad used to send him money either in the mail or more recently by pay pal directly into my sons bank acct.  He would tell my dad that we would not give him spending money.  When I found out this was happening I put a stop to it and explained to my dad that we feel the $20 a weekend we give him is plenty and if he wants more he will have to get a job.  But last week my mom sent me a link to some clothes online and told me to pick out some things my son wanted because he texted her and said he had no clothes.  I had to take a picture of his closet to prove that he does not need any clothes  ... its embarrassing and ridiculous that I have to prove that we are taking care of our kids hahaha ... trust me the boy has way more clothes than I do!  He just wants more.  More of everything.  But we are trying to teach him that he has to work for it if he wants it.  He has worked the past 2 summers for my dad at his business (in another state) for like 6 weeks but he blows through all his money so fast!!  So we are trying to teach him that he has to budget his money and earn what he wants.  

As for the 18 year old ... she worked throughout her senior year.  She paid for her extras ... gas and fun.  I do not think at 18 they should be expected to all of a sudden support themselves.  Her plan was college, not to get pregnant and all of a sudden be a real adult.  We will gradually get her there but to expect it over night isnt realistic.  I dont think it will take until she is 23 or older like my oldest though!  She has her head on straight for the most part and I am hoping she figures out the whole adult thing a little quicker!

But we do pay for all of the kids auto insurance and cell phones.  Even the 23 year old.  It isnt something I thought I would still be doing at her age but we just signed her on for another 2 years.  But this is it.  At 25 she is cut off for sure.  

Quoting atlmom2: I agree, adults need to buy what they need and want.

Quoting MamaLauri:

I fully understand your mixed feelings. Your expecting daughter seems to be ready to stand up to her responcibilities. You and your husband need to seroiusly talk about the extent of help you can and are willing to provide. Then share this with your daugther. After that provide love and emotional support. 

BTW: Kids, 18 and older, should be providing for their own wants. Thats what jobs are for. This might be an opportunity to teach them.


looneymom424
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 1:20 PM

My daughter was 18 when she got pregnant the first time and she wasnt married they did a rush wedding and ended in divorce.  Hugs get on free sites and ask for baby stuff people are willing to help...one day at a time and breathe.

Lb128f
by Siggy Team on Dec. 9, 2013 at 3:16 PM

Welcome to the group! 

You said it best in your post: 

It is hard to be happy and excited when you know the long hard road they have chosen and there is nothing you can really do except support them and try to do your best to help and guide them a long the way.  

You are right! Be there for her and don't let this chance to grow even closer to her pass you by. I understand that it's not what was "supposed" to happen but it did and so now you have to decide if you are going to deal with it by being supportive, I think you have already decided to do that and that's a wonderful thing for your Daughter! She needs you now. What your parents think...it matters, but it doesn't, you know? What's happening is going to happen...they will have to adjust. Besides she's never asked them for anything and I'm sure she won't start now. Your Daughter made this decision (not you)...they can be mad if they want but they will lose out on going through this experience with your Daughter. This can be a very happy time for everyone involved. Congrats Gram!

BTW: Your Daughter can get help with food/baby food & supplies with WIC. She can get on it now while PG. She can get information at Social Services. And, they can let her know about other programs she will qualify for...they offer Daycare Assistance for Mom's who are in school.

Moms_Angels1960
by McBunny Pie <3 on Dec. 9, 2013 at 5:32 PM

Welcome and I am so sorry everyone missed your post. I know I made my mom a grandma when I was just 17 I think you just say hey you're going to be a great grandma and things will fall into place.

It's ok to be all of those things just don't be the one that does all the work raising that child. This is what my mom said to me. I had my kids and raised them if you wnat to keep this baby then you have to do it all. I will watch the baby while you finish school but after that you are on your own we will help with formula and things like that but I won't get up in the middle of the night, wash the clothes, or bottles etc.

lovnmy3boys
by Sister on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:13 PM

Thank you!!  :)

Quoting ChellBell2013:

she is so cute

Quoting lovnmy3boys:

Just take it one day at a time... Not much else you can do. I totally understand you wanting a little break, I'm in the same boat.... The little guy with me in my avatar is my 8 year old son, and I have a two yr old granddaughter and a grandson due in the next few weeks. I've come to the conclusion that kids are a fact of life. Kinda strange to have your kid AND your grand baby on your lap wrestling around at the same time, but it's an indescribable feeling lol!! I love it- the only difference is that my oldest is married and out of college, so I'm not worried about that part of it, plus his wife is a SAHM  and absolutely no worries how she is being cared for or supported.


Look at that face, she was watching her daddy play in the snow lol. Good luck- it's going to work out, the same way it did for you :))



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)