Let me start off by saying I am totally sympathetic to people who have a storm of troubles around them. No one deserves that. With that being said:
Do you have a friend who is always in a tailspin? I do (she's 44). She drums up some of her drama and then fails to recognize it. I'll only discuss what happens with me.
PREFACE: I have 3 ongoing medical issues (migraines, acid re-flux and hip arthritis). Sometimes they all flare up at the same time. When I have one or more afflictions happening I just want to be left alone until I feel better. A quick 'how you feeling' phone call is fine but I do not want to hang out or talk about what drama is going on in her life. Sometimes these symptoms go on for days. At times it's back to back. Example: First acid re-flux will start and then from not sleeping at night I get a migraine and then the hip pain starts because I'm on the couch for 2 days. It could be a week to 10 days where I'm not feeling well. Everyone else understands this, except her. The acid re-flux and the hip pain is somewhat new (within the last 2 years) but I've migraines before I even met her.
THE TRIGGER: During these periods of time when I don't feel well she will barrage me with 'Did I say something wrong', 'Are we OK', 'I feel your pulling away'. She knows I don't feel well....WTH! We've known each other for years and she's still insecure about our friendship (actually, about everything). After the first 4 dozen times I blew it off but now I call her out on it. I will ask her 'why do you think that, what makes you say that, you do know I don't feel well right.' She knows why but always gives me an 'I don't know answer'. So time will go by and something will happen that will cause drama and she will bring up how at times we don't talk. Re-read the paragraph as to why we don't talk at times, but I'm sure you get the point. And then she gets nasty. Read below
THE CLING: She always wants to hang out. If it were up to her it would be everyday for hours on end. When we do hang out it's never for 2-4 hours like my other friends, it's always 6+ hours. This used to happen 2-3 times a week! I get exhausted but she doesn't get the hint (even when I put on my nightgown and start yawning). So I set boundaries. We don't need to hang out constantly.
THE AFTERMATH: It's the same conversation. 'We're not as close as we used to be'. 'I understand if you don't like me anymore'. All of this comes out of left field (in my eyes). Also, she texts constantly. I like to talk out a situtation, she'd rather text it. This is unacceptable to me. If you want to talk, talk, don't text. She accuses me of blowing her off, of being mad at her, ignoring her. None of these are the case. If I have something else going on she doesn't always need to be a part of it. Then she'll throw out that this arguement isn't her fault and she doesn't understand why I get so upset that she accuses me of lying about plans or whatever and she doesn't appreciate when I start start flinging words her way and she wants the friendship to end. Only to come back a few days later with an apology.
THE FUTURE: I love her dearly. She is one of my best friends but her insecurity is damn near killing me. Her past has a lot to do with it, I completely understand that part but at point you have to put the past in the past or else you're never going to put it behind you. I have suggested counselling for her and she says it's a good idea but never does it. It's a vicious circle.
I'd love to hear your stories. Please let me not be alone in this situation!