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Discouraged

Posted by on Jan. 19, 2014 at 10:24 PM
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Been a rough 6 months. Since I lost my dad I haven't been the same. Mostly been keeping to myself and shutting DH out. We haven't had sex or a real conversation in several months. I now am trying to put it behind me and trying to move on. Trying to reach out but now it's payback time. He isn't giving me much time of day. Had surgery a few days ago and he has done all the right things. Took me to hospital, cleaned the house, grocery shopping, driving the kids around.... The thing is that it feels out of obligation not because he really loves me. Just feeling so sad. Miss him, miss us but honestly starting to think things are never going to be the same.
by on Jan. 19, 2014 at 10:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jmlmomma
by Momma's new BFF on Jan. 19, 2014 at 10:34 PM
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HUGS..

When I lost my mom it took years to get past the raw feelings of loss... It's been 6 years yet feels like yesterday and forever all at once! 

My husband asked me once "if we were ever going to be able to go out to dinner without me crying"? It had been 2 years maybe... anyway I can say today that I rarely cry while out having dinner. It takes time. 6 months is not enough time, I'm sure your husband just doesn't know what to do or say so he doesn't... mine didn't know what to do with me or for me. 

Hang in there.. Give yourself and your husband more time.

wenuck
by Moonshine on Jan. 19, 2014 at 10:36 PM
Give it time hun
Hugs!!!!
HippyMomma45
by Bronze sister on Jan. 19, 2014 at 10:44 PM
4 moms liked this

When I read your post I thought I'd written it-I went through a lot of that same thing last year when my Dad died. I shut down & shut out DH a bit. He didn't "pay me back" like yours is doing but he did a lot of work trips out of town & then came home one day & told me it was time for both of us to talk about our grief. I'd forgotten he was grieving too for Dad-he was the only Dad he'd know for a long time & I needed to talk get the grief out. We talked & cried alot both about Dad & dealing with Mom & even our anger & frustration at it all. It helped-& I also "gave in" & talked to my dr. who gave me a mild anti-depressant & the website of a great grief support group [no local off line one here] that has helped. 

Talk to your husband. DH & I now have a code for when I'm having a tough time & need him to hold me or listen to me. Have you talked with a grief counselor or seen a doctor at all? I hated taking the anti depressant but have to admit it helped.  You're right-things are not going to be the same-you lost someone so important in your life & you're grieving & that sucks! But it does get better-as long as you're both open with each other. It's been a year for us & there are still some really tough days but the good days outnumber the bad ones now. Good luck!! 

ALolies
by 'Lil Feather' H.A. on Jan. 19, 2014 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Communication Hun. Talk to him. A good sit down convo... Not about the bedroom intimacy, but about your relationship. Let him know that you needed time and now you need him to be there, and not out of obligation, but be use he wants to. Just ask him outright if something is wrong in your relationship.

Good luck to you. And sorry about you losing your dad.

Jos40
by Sister on Jan. 19, 2014 at 10:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you ladies. Sorry for all your losses. Feels better to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way.
samomama
by Hurricane on Jan. 19, 2014 at 11:17 PM
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Shutting down is  never your friend. Do not make any assumptions about your DH's feelings for you. He may be hurt and he is also shutting down. Talk to him. Just talk about your feelings. Where there is no communication, things are harder. You have been together long enough that your relationship deserves some maitainance and expressing feelings out loud. 

Good luck! Hugs.

schoenlymama
by Audrey on Jan. 19, 2014 at 11:53 PM

It's one of the hardest feeling losing "a loved one" especially our parents! We lost my husbands dad, almost a year ago-- and I feel like my husband still hasn't complete recovered from it. (and to be honest I dont think you completely do) he doesn't like to talk about it much. 

But needless to say is I want to hug you! a BIG TIGHT HUG! He knows how much you love and miss him, he's here with you-- My FIL loved dragonflies-- but honestly we hardly see them here in CO (winter especially) but in the last year we've seen several, I feel as it's a symbol for JOHN, to know his dad is here protecting all his children and grandkiddo's! 

I will be prayin for you sweetness! 

ChellBell2013
by Busy momma of 3 boys on Jan. 20, 2014 at 12:04 AM
Hugs
starlight1968
by 40ish hang out queen on Jan. 20, 2014 at 12:30 AM

 hugs, you are definitly NOT alone here.  Feel free to vent, share or whatever you need too as we are here for you and to try to help you.  Lots of good advice shared here for you...

Maida265
by Stiletto on Jan. 20, 2014 at 4:56 AM

hugging 

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