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40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Mean husband. Divorce?

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:33 PM
  • 58 Replies
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I'm a 46 yr. old mother of 13 yr old twins from my first marriage. I've been remarried for 18 months. My husband is not the same man I met when we first started dating.
He is so mean and disrespectful to me in front of my daughters, he cusses constantly as well. I don't mean the words "damn" or " sh**." The "f" word and the "n" word are used on a daily basis. He even taught them a "new" word... "qu***" when referring to gays or lesbians. IT'S AWFUL!! Behind closed doors he yells at me as well. All the while saying, "GD", "MF", bitch, the "f" word, etc.... He threatens divorce at least once a week, and then turns it around on me by asking, " Is that what you want?" He called me a "worthless bitch" and " a worthless piece of sh**", luckily my girls weren't home to hear that. Once, he referred to my girls hair in the bathtub as, "cu** hair"! To me, that is one of the grossest, ugliest, and most vulgar things he could have said! (They didn't hear it, thank goodness.) I'm a stay home mom, so he usually gives me a credit card to keep in my wallet to use for groceries, gas, etc... On occasion, unbeknownst to me, he has taken it out of my wallet. I've experienced more than one "surprises" when I go to check out at the store. Fortunately, I've had some cash to cover the amount, or I've noticed beforehand that the card was gone. He usually "summons" me upstairs when he is in bed or getting ready for bed. Once, he called me upstairs...I went. He wanted me to pull up the bed comforter up for him b/c he was cold! He calls me on my cell phone all the time. I have to text him when I leave somewhere and then when I get home or to my destination.
These things may seem trivial, but hearing them and living them are very different. I could give more examples of him pouting, yelling, threatening (in front of my daughters) to get rid of our pets, threatening to shut off (close the account) their phones if they don't clean their rooms. He is a big bully, to put it mildly. Every day we wait to see what kind of mood he's in.
I don't like my girls hearing all of this and experiencing this on a daily basis. I've tried to talk to him about it. I've begged and pleaded, but to no avail. The only option to get away from all of this is to get a divorce. I'm a teacher, so I can support my girls, etc... I'm scared of the unknown, but I know I can do it. Luckily, I'm blessed with caring parents that would help me if I needed a little bit of financial help.
I know he's abusive....verbally and emotionally. My blood pressure and my overall health are suffering. My daughters get upset and are stressed constantly.
Is financial security by staying married worth all of this? I filed for divorce, but he doesn't know it yet. My dad and my brother are my attorneys, and they say to get it done. I'm scared of the unknown. Am I doing the right thing??
by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BL2010
by Snookims on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:40 PM
2 moms liked this

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} First I want to say none of this is trivial. Listen to you brother and dad and get far away from this man. He's not worth you and/or your girls. He's a controller and abusing you. That is NOT acceptable.

Momofmenagerie
by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:42 PM
5 moms liked this
LEAVE!!!!! Yes, the devil you know seems better than the devil you don't know . But this man is leading up to physical violence because you are married and he thinks he " has" you.

You have two attys who care about you telling you to get away. That should be enough to push you in the correct direction ... GET OUT.
Carmen66
by Hot Latina on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:50 PM
2 moms liked this

HELL YEAH!!! LEAVE HIM NOW AND GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE. IT IS NOT WORTH THE SUFFERING AND VERBAL ABUSE. GET OUT NOW!!!

secondcup5
by Proud Canuck on Mar. 13, 2014 at 2:07 PM
3 moms liked this

None of this sounds trivial to me..............kick that a$$ to the curb yesterday...............you and your daughters deserve so much more.

wenuck
by Moonshine on Mar. 13, 2014 at 2:35 PM
2 moms liked this

Yes you are doing the right thing! Sounds like its time to get out!! All that garbage coming out of his mouth is not worth it!!! Your girls shouldnt be going through that. HUGS!!!!!

rojastarr
by Fang Slayer on Mar. 13, 2014 at 2:36 PM
2 moms liked this

There would be no financial security that would make me stay in that relationship. It is up to you to decide if you really want to stay .... it will only get worse. YOU can make a good life for yourself and your children. You and your children remain in danger as long as you stay there.

MylaRocknrolla
by New sister on Mar. 13, 2014 at 2:38 PM
3 moms liked this

This is abuse, verbal and emotional. I'm sure it was hard to file for divorce, but you are absolutely doing the right thing for both you and your girls! Good for you!

AndrewsMomPDX
by Christine on Mar. 13, 2014 at 3:08 PM
2 moms liked this

Are you seriously asking? Because I can't imagine what you gain financially that outweighs the benefits of being married to such a POS! If you decide to go back on your decision you might rethink custody so that your children can live with their father and not listen to that type of abuse. Leave before you lose your children as no judge would allow children to stay in that environment.

brooklynchic151
by Staten Island Psycho on Mar. 13, 2014 at 3:58 PM
2 moms liked this
Oh no. Sorry momma..but to be honest. I would get out!! You'll make it on your own. Trust me !! Did this myself ..you don't need his crap !! He sounds like a big looser and why put your kids through that !!!get out momma.its only going to get worse... I'm sorry
SeanandNoahsmom
by Manning Fan on Mar. 13, 2014 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this

 All the ladies hae given you the right advice. Believe me, you are not the first to be "fooled" into thinking you married someone you did not.

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