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Is it better to share the truth of someone's death or make people guess and wonder, possibly making the situation worse?

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:24 AM
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The husband of my youngest sister's best friend from high school passed away Friday night. He was 41. His wife was about 37. They had two teenage boys, about 15 and 18, approximately.

The only thing I've heard is that he died at their home and it was accidental. It apparently wasn't medical related. The information I've heard is that they don't want the boys reliving the events so I guess the immediate family are keeping the circumstances behind his death a secret.

My best guesses are:

He and the boys were wrestling or something and he fell and hit his head

He fell down stairs or tripped on something and fell onto a piece of furniture

With the way people gossip anymore I'm not sure if it would be better to hide the truth or tell the truth about what happened. Even when someone commits suicide the truth, although difficult to tell, is usually shared, even if the specific method is not shared.

I do realize people have a right to privacy. I'm just wondering, what would you do in this situation? Wouldn't it be better to tell the truth than to make people wonder and take guesses and somehow possibly have a story come out that is so far from the truth?

by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LadyAmaranth
by Hillarie on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:30 AM

Unless it was my spouse or parent I wouldn't say a word.

Imho, only immediate family has the right to squelch rumors or answers questions.

Connie04
by Sister on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:38 AM
I think it is up to the family how many details they want to share with the public. People will talk and speculate, but it is the family's decision how much they want people to know.
DensHag
by Bronze sister on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:40 AM
Family decision, but I personally would tell the truth about what happened.
noahsmom1999
by New sister on Apr. 3, 2014 at 2:26 AM

I think it is up to the family, but why hide the truth?  The things people think up in the minds is far worse than the truth could ever be.

Maida265
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 5:49 AM
1 mom liked this

 I just don't think it is for others to know. This is a very private matter of an obviously an untimely death. For the question if I would tell or squash the rumors and feel compelled to tell the truth (if this were MY family)...NOPE. People will always talk and often, even when the know what REALLY happened, will expand on the story to make it sound more interesting or worse.  

Moms_Angels1960
by Husker Babe on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:01 AM

I understand and It is certainly better to tell what the reason of his death was. People do gossip.But, on the other hand that is a private matter and things like this do have a way of coming out eventually.

Hugs to all involved.

littlelamb303
by Sister on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:07 AM

I think the truth is always best, regardless of the situation.  I have a cousin that killed himself.  We all knew what happened, they did not try and cover it up and I did not see or hear one judgemental comment. .  My daughter knew a 16 yr old classmate that died several years back.  They never said how it happened, and hid the truth.  I do not understand that, it just made people speculate about it.  I don't understand why people want to cover it up and YES, I have lost many family/friends.

ChellBell2013
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:35 AM
I woukd agree with the others up to the family
dana63
by Momma of 40ish on Apr. 3, 2014 at 7:11 AM

 I think it is up to the family. IF he was playing around with his kids and fell and hit his head then the boys are going to feel enough guilt without having everyone know and want to talk about it or worse yet gossip about it. It could be possible that his death was just that an accident and the family is not ready to talk about it.

starlight1968
by 40ish hang out queen on Apr. 3, 2014 at 7:51 AM

 I think it is up to the family but close friends should know too...we need to grieve and not knowing somehow makes it worse. 

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