Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

40ish and beyond... 40ish and beyond...

Debate question: Having a child/ren after 40ish

Posted by on May. 25, 2014 at 4:00 PM
  • 42 Replies
  • 962 Total Views

 I have read several post today about woman having children past 40ish. Some said it was selfish because the child could lose the parent(s) to death (younger parents could also die leaving the child parentless). While others say the child could have health risk because the mother is older. WE all know that there are health risk even if the mother is 20 and yes it can increase when mom is over 35 but not in every case. Some woman said they waited to have children because they were established (career,home ETC...) and felt it was best for them. And most know that we have some who have a ooppss baby (they are a blessing) and they turn out to be a life changer for the better for the family.

I know we have many sisters in here who could share their amazing after 40ish baby stories. Maybe if some of these "negative" woman see that having a baby after 40ish isnt as bad as they think or as selfish then maybe they will stop judging.

I am 50ish and have a 8 year old. I know I am adopting but I am not alone as there are over 3 million parents past 40ish who are raising children that the "younger" generation wasnt ready for and we had to step in. So you see I rather a woman take the risk if her DR says they are healthy enough and wait until they are ready rather than someone like me having to raise a child that the parent wasnt ready for.

Thoughts?

 

 

Join us for coffee&support (_)3








 

by on May. 25, 2014 at 4:00 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
nussknacker
by Nutlady on May. 25, 2014 at 4:07 PM

I wont be reading the posts after mine, I get so depressed. I was seeing a fertility doctor while my son committed suicide. Some irony huh, I went from expecting to add a child, to losing one. ANYWAY.....I was on fertility meds for over two years, spent tens of thousands of dollars/ before that had been TTC for 4 years, then a year with clomid, then the years with the fertility specialist......every month it hurt more and more to find out I was not pregnant, AGAIN, meanwhile look at folks like the Duggars ( OK! THats yet another rant!) .......I finally had to quit. I could not take the heartache month after month.

Now babies depress me terribly. I am hoping that will go away when I have grandchildren. But for now, I can not be around any baby without getting depressed and angry .

SORRY! NOt the story you wanted!

nussknacker
by Nutlady on May. 25, 2014 at 4:10 PM

Oh....and obviously that tells ya I have nothing against it :-) Just wasnt inb my cards.

sometimesred
by Bump Queen! on May. 25, 2014 at 4:28 PM
2 moms liked this

Anytime is a good time to have children if you have them to love them.  But after raising two, I'm ready for grandchildren, that I can send home to their parents.

NDADanceMom
by on May. 25, 2014 at 4:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Mobile Photo

I'm 41 and this is my baby Sophie. My husband is an executive with one of the worlds largest banks. He just graduated with his 2nd masters degree. I'm a special education teacher with a masters plus 60, nearly a PhD. We have a level of financial security that is rare in younger parents. We have a level of emotional security only 20 years married brings.
I stay home with Sophie and have her in as many activities as a 6 month old can join. We have baby class at the community center, kindermusic, mops. Library time and anything else that comes up.
My husband has confidence as a father and is very involved. Most young dads are not equal parents. At best they just do what mom tells them to do. My husband shops for the baby, calls the doctor if she needs an appointment and gets up with her when she wakes in the night.
Mature parents have so much to offer and issues are still rare, even with older parents. The vast majority of babies with older parents are born healthy
LadyAmaranth
by Amaranth on May. 25, 2014 at 4:29 PM

I'm not for it but I realize why some go that route be it by choice or they didn't find "the one" til they were close to or over 40 so that's when kids came.

Yes, risks exist at any age, but over 40 is added risks. I don't get taking those risks on purpose.

But, at days end people are going to do what they're gonna do and it doesn't affect me or mine so my opinion means nothing.

dana63
by Momma of 40ish on May. 25, 2014 at 4:39 PM

 I can understand as I lost twins at birth and the loss got to me. It was until one of my grandchildren was born (another post) that I finally got over it.. Huggles~

Quoting nussknacker:

I wont be reading the posts after mine, I get so depressed. I was seeing a fertility doctor while my son committed suicide. Some irony huh, I went from expecting to add a child, to losing one. ANYWAY.....I was on fertility meds for over two years, spent tens of thousands of dollars/ before that had been TTC for 4 years, then a year with clomid, then the years with the fertility specialist......every month it hurt more and more to find out I was not pregnant, AGAIN, meanwhile look at folks like the Duggars ( OK! THats yet another rant!) .......I finally had to quit. I could not take the heartache month after month.

Now babies depress me terribly. I am hoping that will go away when I have grandchildren. But for now, I can not be around any baby without getting depressed and angry .

SORRY! NOt the story you wanted!

 

Join us for coffee&support (_)3








 

kaarina
by Boston Strong on May. 25, 2014 at 4:39 PM
My family has many Mommas that had babies after 40. My grandmother had my Mom when she was 42. Except for my sister, the 40ish Mommas in my family all conceived naturally and had healthy happy children.
My sister was a major partier all of her life. She always said she never wanted kids , they would tie her down. She eventually got married and when she was 38, they decided to try and have a baby. She went through all kinds of fertility treatments, drugs, and miscarriages. She applied for and was accepted to a study on a new fertility treatment to the US, that was on a trial. This drug has been used in Europe for quite a while with good results. It included invitro fertilization plus this drug. She lost the first to a miscarriage, but stayed pregnant and carried to term on the second try. Her little girl was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at about 17 months old. She is in intense therapy 5 days a week and has all kinds of issues with her digestion which they say is part of her diagnosis.
My sister blames all kinds of things like vaccinations and GMO's etc for her daughter's problems. I wonder if it is due to my sister's age, the fertility drug, or her hard partying years. It could be a combination of all of those. I wonder if she had tried for her child at a younger age, would she not have these problems.
dana63
by Momma of 40ish on May. 25, 2014 at 4:40 PM

 Oh she is too cute!! I understand fully that a parents needs to be ready. I know some who are very ready at 20 while others are not. I was ready at 20 but it was hard.

Quoting NDADanceMom:

Mobile Photo

I'm 41 and this is my baby Sophie. My husband is an executive with one of the worlds largest banks. He just graduated with his 2nd masters degree. I'm a special education teacher with a masters plus 60, nearly a PhD. We have a level of financial security that is rare in younger parents. We have a level of emotional security only 20 years married brings. I stay home with Sophie and have her in as many activities as a 6 month old can join. We have baby class at the community center, kindermusic, mops. Library time and anything else that comes up. My husband has confidence as a father and is very involved. Most young dads are not equal parents. At best they just do what mom tells them to do. My husband shops for the baby, calls the doctor if she needs an appointment and gets up with her when she wakes in the night. Mature parents have so much to offer and issues are still rare, even with older parents. The vast majority of babies with older parents are born healthy

 

Join us for coffee&support (_)3








 

dana63
by Momma of 40ish on May. 25, 2014 at 4:44 PM

 It does add a higher risk but we have to think woman over 35 have had healthy babies for many, many years. Our grandmothers generation was having babies until they went through the change and they stop. My Aunt had a "change of life" (she was 50 when she was born) baby and she is healthy. Risk can happen to any woman, I was high risk OB and had 4 healthy children when I was in my 20's.

Quoting LadyAmaranth:

I'm not for it but I realize why some go that route be it by choice or they didn't find "the one" til they were close to or over 40 so that's when kids came.

Yes, risks exist at any age, but over 40 is added risks. I don't get taking those risks on purpose.

But, at days end people are going to do what they're gonna do and it doesn't affect me or mine so my opinion means nothing.

 

Join us for coffee&support (_)3








 

dana63
by Momma of 40ish on May. 25, 2014 at 4:50 PM

 I know many who had IVF treatments and some had healthy children while most had children (mainly mutiples) with health problems. I wonder if it was a combo of her "partying days" and maybe the IVF treatment. You stated that she was on a trial study which might not had the health risk of the baby or her for that matter.

Quoting kaarina: My family has many Mommas that had babies after 40. My grandmother had my Mom when she was 42. Except for my sister, the 40ish Mommas in my family all conceived naturally and had healthy happy children. My sister was a major partier all of her life. She always said she never wanted kids , they would tie her down. She eventually got married and when she was 38, they decided to try and have a baby. She went through all kinds of fertility treatments, drugs, and miscarriages. She applied for and was accepted to a study on a new fertility treatment to the US, that was on a trial. This drug has been used in Europe for quite a while with good results. It included invitro fertilization plus this drug. She lost the first to a miscarriage, but stayed pregnant and carried to term on the second try. Her little girl was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at about 17 months old. She is in intense therapy 5 days a week and has all kinds of issues with her digestion which they say is part of her diagnosis. My sister blames all kinds of things like vaccinations and GMO's etc for her daughter's problems. I wonder if it is due to my sister's age, the fertility drug, or her hard partying years. It could be a combination of all of those. I wonder if she had tried for her child at a younger age, would she not have these problems.

 

Join us for coffee&support (_)3








 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)