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Just not a part of things...

Posted by on Oct. 19, 2017 at 4:27 AM
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dHello, ladies...Feeling like the sorryass person in the corner while the party goes on...At least today.

I'm a very blessed person. Adopted as a 6 wk old through Catholic Soc Services. Beyond blessed and loved by my parents. I didn't just 'not want for anything'...I was loved and adored and my family was like BEAVER CLEAVER'S with a mild spanking thrown in a time or two...lol

I had an older brother, also adopted - but not my biological brother, then a 5 1/2 yr younger brother who was my parents' biological child - They thought they'd never have their 'own' child. None of us were treated differently - except, being the only girl, I was totally mama's girl and we were best buds.

Well, I lost mom about 10 yrs ago due to cancer. Lost my baby brother to suicide 2 yrs ago. Lost my father to a rare and lengthy muscular disease a yr ago. It's been a while since I've felt that I 'belong' somewhere. But, in reality today...I feel like I am watching everyone else's life go on...but, I'm just standing still. Watching. No one is even noticing me. Life is going on for everyone. And I fit in ... well, NOWHERE. When I am around others...I feel awkward. Like an intruder. Like 'the one to pitty'...however, they need to draw straws to see who's turn it is to be stuck with me. trying to fill me in on 'the skinny n scoop.

I just honestly do not belong anywhere. I fit in NOWHERE.

I'm living on another plane that no one sees, understands or exists in. Scary. Lonely? No...feeling better off. Probably not a good thing. Maybe Dr Phil can help? lol 

by on Oct. 19, 2017 at 4:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
D-Town
by Denize on Oct. 19, 2017 at 4:48 AM

I'm also an adoptee with 2 adopted boys myself. Not the same scenario at all. I was adopted by my stepfather and my boys started off as my stepsons. So not even remotely in the same ballpark. 


But the feelings are similar. That feeling of being alone even in a crowded room. My boys and I both have seen counselors over the years. I also meditate regularly. It helps. It really does. 


Posting this was a first step. Please talk to someone. At the very least, get your feelings out there for someone to hear. 

lucky2Beeme
by Gold sister on Oct. 19, 2017 at 6:39 AM
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I'm not adopted. I am sorry for all your losses. I think you need a good therapist. One where you can go and talk it out. Sometimes a persons perception is very different from others. For instance , you feel like the people are drawing straws about being stuck with you. When in fact they all are probably loving to see you and spend time with you. 

Have you ever tried or thought about journaling ? I do it esp when I am really down. I write my thoughts, hopes , dreams for changes. Then reread and try to make small changes.

Try focusing on what you do have. All the positives in your life.  I find that if I take even 2 minutes before getting out of bed to focus on all my blessing, my days seem sunnier.

Try these along with seeking professional help. hugs I hope I have helped you in some way even if its only given you some things to think about for a few minutes. 

wildchild.com
by Janine on Oct. 19, 2017 at 6:48 AM
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You "fit in" just fine here in 40ish. Big (((hugs))) I'm so sorry for all the losses you've been through. Have you gone to talk about it to a therapist? Or considered medication? There's no shame in that. (((hugs)))
Lb128f
by Linda on Oct. 19, 2017 at 7:16 AM
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Hi, good to see you here. You've gotten some wonderful responses, great suggestions. I too am sorry for the losses you've had. I think losing those we love changes us and the way we cope with things. You might try looking into helping others. Maybe offering time to children who are waiting for adoption or the elderly,both who need someone in their life. Getting out and meeting new people might be helpful for you both.
calsmom62
by Bronze sister on Oct. 19, 2017 at 7:32 AM
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Sometimes its not just about where we have been but where we are - glad you came on to Cafe mom! I have felt like I wasnt in the “in” crowd and Im ok with that. I have found over the years Im not the type who needs a constant bestie like Thelma and Louise., I have friends who are happy when we get together a few times a year and the rest of the time we are focused on family and work. We also dont have extended family here, my parents and all but one brother are dead, my husbands family lives abroad.. What are some of your interests?
Linda_Runs
by Sister on Oct. 19, 2017 at 9:11 AM
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Hello ladies from me as well.  I am not a member of this group, but might join.  I am 41 years old and a mom to two girls, 10 and 12.  I recognize a few names from other groups that I am in.

Manth
by Manth on Oct. 19, 2017 at 10:43 AM

I'm the biological child of my parents. The eldest, in fact, and I ABSOLUTELY feel like I don't fit in a lot of the time! Certainly not in my family of origin. But in the little family I've made with my husband I fit just fine.

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to 'say it out loud'. Now, maybe, you can start the search for solutions that work for you.

Manth
by Manth on Oct. 19, 2017 at 10:44 AM
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Please do join us. You'd be most welcome.

Quoting Linda_Runs:

Hello ladies from me as well.  I am not a member of this group, but might join.  I am 41 years old and a mom to two girls, 10 and 12.  I recognize a few names from other groups that I am in.


anotherandree
by Bronze sister on Oct. 19, 2017 at 10:56 AM
That is alot of losses and life changes all at once! Have you thought about talking to someone? I was super embarrassed about the thought of therapy until I had a breakdown. Therapy has the potential to really help someone sort through all that's going on! I'm sorry for your lost some.
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Oct. 19, 2017 at 10:59 AM
Try therapy.
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