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Sometimes I hate this time of year.

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2011 at 12:46 AM
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I hate this time of year. And it's not because I dislike the holidays. I actually LOVE LOVE the holidays.

But from around Sept until Feb, I do work for the Four Diamonds Fund. Which helps with childhood cancer, which I had, without them I wouldn't have beat it.

But, I can't stand to see kids who are much younger then me not being able to beat this horrible diease.

I love doing the work, because it's showing my 3 year old, who we thought I would never ever have, t hat you need to give. And to know that some day that we will find a cure for childhood cancer, and no child will have to go through it again.

But, I was just on one of the college kids FB and saw a little boy who was maybe about 4-6 who passed away. And I am literally in tears because of it. I've met wonderful kids through my hostipal stays, I've lost contact with them, but I wonder if they survived or not. I went to summer camp, met wonderful kids, have gone back the next summer, and find out that cabin mate/best friend, passed away because of it. I met this one little boy in the hostipal, who had cancer, at the hostipal one year, he was up at PSU for their dance a thon. And the next year he was gone. Me and my family took a family with a little girl under our wing, and she was doing really good, we went to the pinic, the carnival, the harvest day for a year. She missed THON, and come to find out she passed.

So how is I survived and these kids didn't? I know I shouldn't feel guilty and what not, but how could I not feel guilty ya know?

Sorry this got kinda long, but you ladies are the only ones who know what it's like.

by on Nov. 23, 2011 at 12:46 AM
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Replies (1-3):
mybrowneyedboys
by Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 2:17 PM

What you are doing is great...I know it's hard, but you are helping so many children.  Try not to feel guilty...I know it' easier said than done.  Sometimes things happen and we don't understand the why's.  People leaving before their time is one of those that we won't understand.  Especially, with children.  

CallieLynsMommy
by Admin & Fighter on Dec. 5, 2011 at 12:09 AM

I know hun. It's so hard. I'm still fighting, but when I was inremission for a bit, I felt the same. I watched YouTube videos of kids and found out via my message boards I go on that kids had passed and I felt awful.  :(  It doesn't make sense and never will.

I have a problem with this time of the year too. Since I got sick, every year around Christmas we get bad news. 2008 my first bone tumor was found, 2009 after a year of being misdiagnosed I was finally diagnosed with osteosarcoma, 2010 we found out a week before Christmas that my cancer came back. This year I put my scans off until January. I don't want any news!

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Mom2Addison12
by on Dec. 5, 2011 at 1:30 AM

:(

Yeah I used to put them off as much as possible, but since I was underage, my mom made me go.

I didn't go last year, I refused to go to my yearly check up.

Quoting CallieLynsMommy:

I know hun. It's so hard. I'm still fighting, but when I was inremission for a bit, I felt the same. I watched YouTube videos of kids and found out via my message boards I go on that kids had passed and I felt awful.  :(  It doesn't make sense and never will.

I have a problem with this time of the year too. Since I got sick, every year around Christmas we get bad news. 2008 my first bone tumor was found, 2009 after a year of being misdiagnosed I was finally diagnosed with osteosarcoma, 2010 we found out a week before Christmas that my cancer came back. This year I put my scans off until January. I don't want any news!


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