Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My Stepfather is dying.

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 3:11 PM
  • 4 Replies
  • 110 Total Views
I'm new to this group and making this post is so hard to do.

Two years ago my stepfather was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It was caught very early so the possibly that he could beat it was extremely high.

Since my mom has given me as little information as possible. I know she is just trying to be the strong-willed protective mother she has always been.

In the past couple of years he has gone through treatments, multiple surgeries, and a host of other health issues.

I knew he had 2 blood clots in his thigh that were removed. One of his kidneys and several other procedures but still I really didn't know how bad it really is.

A few months ago I found out the truth. My mom called me late in the evening which she never does unless it is important. I knew something bad had happened but I was completely sure what. When I answered she was crying. I've seen my mom cry but she has always protected me as best as she could.

For the first time in my life my mom was completely unguarded and so scared. All she could say at first was "I'm not ready to bury him. He is my everything and I'm not ready."

During this call she was completely honest. I found out that not only is he battling prostate cancer but 4 different types of cancer and they all are spreading rapidly. Especially the newest cancer in his lungs. His oncologist said he has never seen 4 different cancers in the same patient at the same time. Everytime they do a biopsy they find a different cancer.

The chemotherapy has stopped it had to it was killing him faster than the cancers.

I know my mom and stepfather will fight this till the day he takes his last breath. I know he is a fighter and so strong willed. I know he won't except defeat and neither will my mom.

As I type this I feel so helpless. I live 14 hours from my parents and I'm all the family they have left. I want to hug my mom and tell her everything is going to be fine. He will beat this.

I do everything I can to help. I took over all their bills so my mom could quit her job. I want her to spend every single moment that she has left with him.

I lost my father almost 3 yrs ago and the pain is still unbearable. Now watching my stepdad slowly die I don't know how to handle this.

I'm a mom of 8. I have the most amazing husband. He lets me just cry and holds me tight.

Of course just like my mom I shield my children as much as I can.

Today is the hardest day I have had since his diagnosis.

Thank you for reading this. I haven't opened up to anyone besides my husband.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 3:11 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-4):
Ethl
by Member on Aug. 31, 2012 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this

My prayers are with you and your mother--I lost my husband of 42 years in March anad can honestly say I can feel your pain--be there for your mom--she will feel so alone---it feels as if your world has ended---be happy for all the good times and if you can hold her tight--she will need it---where does eveerybody live???I wish I could do more for you---just know you are in my prayers--if you feel like talking email me--love---

 

CrazyLife1996
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 2:19 PM
We both live on the East Coast but we are 900 miles apart. If my husband and I didn't have our companies here we would move there to be closer.

I give her as much emotional support as I can or that she will let me. She is such a strong proud woman and she won't allow herself to be a "burden " to me.

I had to fight with her just to let me take care of the financial side for them. I did this for 2 reasons: 1. I want to her to be able to spend every moment she has left with him. 2. She was working some days 18 hours for little to no money. She has been exhausted for years and she needs to rest too.

I still feel like I am being selfish though. I feel like I should be doing so much more. I actually lose sleep over this. I know I shouldn't and I would never even dream of worrying my mom about me especially now.

I know I have a life of my own to take care of. I have my husband, our 8 children, our businesses, our home, my mom and stepfather, and we financially take care of my stepmother as well. I try to fly home at least once a month but it isn't always possible. I answer my phone no matter what I am doing no matter the time.

I still feel like I need to do more but I don't know how. I just want somebody to tell me what I am missing what else I need to do.


Quoting Ethl:

My prayers are with you and your mother--I lost my husband of 42 years in March anad can honestly say I can feel your pain--be there for your mom--she will feel so alone---it feels as if your world has ended---be happy for all the good times and if you can hold her tight--she will need it---where does eveerybody live???I wish I could do more for you---just know you are in my prayers--if you feel like talking email me--love---


 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ethl
by Member on Sep. 1, 2012 at 2:35 PM

The support you give her doesnt have to be in person --you sound like you are a loving caring person---dont make yourself sick--talk to her--she will probably not tell you everything--but having someone to talk to also helps--I know I feel like I am bugging my daughter by calling her on the phone--you also have a large fmily so you need to take care of them also--just remeber if he passes away you are needed then to talk to--the lonely feeling is horrible--hard to be without the one you are with 24/7 and then no one--it is almost easier when you are taking care of them--you are busy then--after it is really hard--memories are good and bad--you sound like a daughter a mother could really be proud of--be sure to take care of yourself--email me if I can be of any help to you

 

CrazyLife1996
by on Sep. 1, 2012 at 2:48 PM
Thank you and I will


Quoting Ethl:

The support you give her doesnt have to be in person --you sound like you are a loving caring person---dont make yourself sick--talk to her--she will probably not tell you everything--but having someone to talk to also helps--I know I feel like I am bugging my daughter by calling her on the phone--you also have a large fmily so you need to take care of them also--just remeber if he passes away you are needed then to talk to--the lonely feeling is horrible--hard to be without the one you are with 24/7 and then no one--it is almost easier when you are taking care of them--you are busy then--after it is really hard--memories are good and bad--you sound like a daughter a mother could really be proud of--be sure to take care of yourself--email me if I can be of any help to you


 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)