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I havent had my good cry yet! WHY????

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:23 AM
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 We found out that my dad had cancer the wednsday b4 fathers day last year... Lung, Brain, Liver, Kidner, and Spleen, possably bone. I took my dad to his apointments in august, september,  and the begining of October. On October 22nd I tried to call him to let him know he needed bloodwork done b4 a ct scan. He did not answer. I got mad.... I went to go check on him.... KNOWING WHY he did not answer the phone... My sister and I had given him the weekend to rest without calling him to find out how he is feeling... I had the feeling in the pit of my stomach.. I got there with no answer to the door...... I got his friend who was also the landloard to open the door for me.... There was my dad, laying on the floor. I ran to him to check on him... COLD>>> MY DAD WAS COLD.. I grabbed my phone and dialed 911.. knowing that there was nothing they would be able to do... crying, not knowing what to say Charlie got the phone and talked to them. They were sending someone out, and the coroner. I got my phone back and started calling my mom, my husband and my sister. My mom and him had been divorced for many years but she was the first one I called.... Yes I am not saying that I did not cry threw all of this, I balled my eyes out. Going threw his belongings, CRYING.  Planning his funeral, CRYING. Barrying my dad, CRYING... Crying between all that. My mom has sat down and cried I mean a good cry. She told me... I dont know about my sister. She has meds to calm her though. Me I dont have any insurance... so I cant get nothing to help make me feel better. I dont know whats up. I am always thinking about him and thinking of ways that we could have done things different and maybe someone could have been there with him when he passed. I think that mentaly I was due to a dream that I had. I would like to believe that that dream was him telling me that he was going home and that the cancer had wore him out and he was ready to go to sleep. My famiy has had some sort of gift. I knew when he had his heart attacks (I felt them), I could tell when my grandma passed years ago ( she came to me and told me that she was ready to go home (her laying in the hospital bed dying and me in my bed asleep)). My other grandma passed just after easter last year of something having to do with her brain. Well @1230 while at work I get this massive head ache, the back of my head, bad enough where I felt as I was going to get sick. @ an hour after I get this head ache I turn around and start walkng twards the door, I see my mom..... I know that something is wrong and start crying... She lets me know whats up. I knew it.... Just not who.....

Why have I not had MY GOOD CRY???? Has anyone had this happen to them? Yes I hurt over this.. I hurt very bad.. I think I hurt worse thinking about not having a good cry than anything right now. I feel as if something is wrong with me.... SOMEONE HELP PLEASE!!!!!!

I'm the mom thats Y!!!shrugging

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:23 AM
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Lovemyshadows
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:25 AM

Maybe you don't need "the good cry".  You know Dad is healed and happy.  Maybe a year down the road it will hit you hard.  Don't force the grieving process, let it happen in it's own time.

LadySaphira
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:24 PM

I agree, sometimes as much as we love the person who has passed on, we know in our hearts it was actualy a blessing for them. It does not mean that you will not miss them or that you did not love them to even actualy find a sense of relief knowing they are no longer in pain. Everyone grieves their own way, in their own time, sometimes in a different way for different people. 


Quoting Lovemyshadows:

Maybe you don't need "the good cry".  You know Dad is healed and happy.  Maybe a year down the road it will hit you hard.  Don't force the grieving process, let it happen in it's own time.


Click on my siggy to help find a cure for cancer!

SlightlyPerfect
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:25 AM

I agree with Shadows. You can't force the process. Your body will have it when it's ready.

slightlyperfect

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