I need help.
I am a single mother of a 14 year old boy that was recently diagnosed. He is very high functioning and we struggled through his life just thinking he was different. It has gotten very difficult the last two years and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel helpless.
He is always deppressed and angry. He has completely withdrawn. Even the slightest touch or close proximity triggers anger. I can't remember the last time he let me hug him or even sit next to him without an outburst. He says the meanest things to me that hurt deep. He does not think I care about him and often tells me I am not his mother. He tells me he wishes he were dead. He refuses to do schooling and even try in his therapy sessions anymore. I try to talk to him but he just shuts down when anyone talks to him anymore.
I know he is a teenager and it is typical for teenagers to lash out and rebel. Everyone tells me that all teens are like this and we just have to get through the teen years. A part of me believe this. I was a difficult teen myself and I remember what it was like to go through those years. It sucked. But there is a part of me that knows this is more than just a nuerotypical teen acting out. I'm afraid that if I proceed with the thought that he will grow out of this it will cause more damage than good. What if he doesn't grow out of it?
How do I know if this is just because he is a teen and he will grow out of it, or if he has plateued and I need to start preparing for long term care? Am I still in denial that my son is Autistic and may never be able to function in society? I have the utmost respect for parents that are able to transition rebelious teens into productive adults, but parents of neurotypicals children don't understand the struggles of an high functioning autistic child. They seem normal, but are not and never will be. I love my son and am so proud of him. He is amazing in so many ways and has a lot to offer the world. I wouldn't change him for anything. It hurts so much to see him feel rejected and to reject everyone in return. It hurts to think that he may never be able to hold a job or get married and have kids. Is it better for all of us if I stop hoping for a normal life and acept this, or am I giving up too soon?
I don't know what to do anymore. I am thankful that my son has made it this far. We are blessed that he can have very intellectual conversations well beyond his years. I am thankful that he can cook and clean and read. I am thankful that his episodes are still somewhat managable (he's a big kid). I just want my son to be happy and I don't know how to make that happen.