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asperger's - chores?

Posted by on May. 31, 2014 at 2:27 PM
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Hi,
I'm new here. We just recently found out that our 13 year old son has asperger's, and I'm pretty lost about it. There are lots of things I need to learn about, but I hardly know where to start.
So, I'll start with something affecting this afternoon. He shuts down when told to do a chore. I've tried approaching it different ways, but no success. We have 3 other (younger) kids, and I know he has the potential to set a good example for them. I can't just let him off the hook, right??
Thanks! Hoping to meet some of you and make some friends here.
by on May. 31, 2014 at 2:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
dmsfr
by Group Owner & PITA on May. 31, 2014 at 7:34 PM
2 moms liked this


Welcome to the group! Absolutely do not let him off the hook. There are generally three reasons kids don't do chores: they don't want to, they don't know how to or it is overwhelming.

I've found that if my son doesn't want to he's usually in the middle of something. I finally set a time of day that we stop and do chores every day so that it is part of his routine. Other days when I need him on the fly, I will let him know that in 15 minutes I need him to do something. If he does it, he gets to go back to video games. If not, they are off for the rest of the day.

If they don't know how to, then it is a matter of teaching them. It took my 16 year old almost 4 months to fully understand how to load the dishwasher. Once he mastered that, then we worked on the next step of cleaning out the sink of all the gunk left in it.

Some tasks are overwhelming because they look at the big picture and freak out. My guy can do lots of chores but I have to be very specific with him about what I want done. I can't say, "clean your room." I have to break it down by task for him. So it becomes: pick up your cloths, pick up your toys, vaccuum, etc.

And the reward, reward, reward. Aspie's have a hard time grasping the intrinsic value of cleaning something. They just see it as extra work sometimes. Rewards make life easier.


Rust.n.Gears
by Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:00 PM
Oh no he can and should do chores. My five year old does the hall. He puts stuff away, brings the mail to my desk, and sweeps. Oh and he feeds the kitties.
becka211
by Admin Becca on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:14 PM

Breaking down chores into small steps, visual chart with times, rewards, countdown to doing them have all helped my 14 year old to do chores.  His big brother pays him to clean his room but with outings instead of money.  He empties garbage, put his clothes in the laundry, feeds the dog, cleans up the family room and his bedroom.  I need to teach him how to load the dishwasher (thanks Dawn).  He also helps me cook dinner about 2x a week.


bcogoli
by Member on Jun. 5, 2014 at 8:46 PM
1 mom liked this

All my kids do chores, well not the baby but the rest do. I was also nervous about how to deal with it but a friend told me that despite any disability or illness or any problem children may have that every moms ultimate goal is to raise functional adults and every adult has chores.  My son is sometimes hard to get motivated about it but once he is doing his chores he is fine with it. .

I explained that everyone has chores in our family. I asked him what would happen if I did not do my chores, no food, no clean clothes, ect. Then we started slow and use incentive charts to help the kids get motivated. So far so good

jtcarter14
by New Member on Jun. 7, 2014 at 7:43 AM

Thank you for your responses! Can you tell me what the best & most basic helps are for a parent? (i.e. website) I'm pretty lost since I'm totally new to this.

Will we need to tell our son that he has asperger's? And his teachers? As a 13 year old + his personality, I'm afraid he will not take it well...

mommato2boys151
by New Member on Jun. 9, 2014 at 6:30 PM
I am also pretty new to this. And I live on this site for questions and answers, because all of the mommas here- lived in our world which can be pretty intimidating at times!
I would have to say, definitely let him know and of course tell his teachers and school. If anything should ever happen, they know a little background!!! Good luck!!!

Quoting jtcarter14:

Thank you for your responses! Can you tell me what the best & most basic helps are for a parent? (i.e. website) I'm pretty lost since I'm totally new to this.

Will we need to tell our son that he has asperger's? And his teachers? As a 13 year old + his personality, I'm afraid he will not take it well...

jtcarter14
by New Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 4:06 PM

BUMP!

dmsfr
by Group Owner & PITA on Jun. 21, 2014 at 6:18 PM


Quoting jtcarter14:

Thank you for your responses! Can you tell me what the best & most basic helps are for a parent? (i.e. website) I'm pretty lost since I'm totally new to this.

Will we need to tell our son that he has asperger's? And his teachers? As a 13 year old + his personality, I'm afraid he will not take it well...

What kind of websites do you need? There are so many and for different aspects.

It will be up to you when and where to tell your guy. We always were open with our son. He was 3 and wanted to know why he had to have so many tests and doctors. So we have always found age appropriate ways to explain to him.

If your guy is 13, it may make him feel better to know why he is different. High functioning kids sometimes can tell. If your guy is a researcher (i.e. likes to look up things on the internet), he may spend some time doing some research himself. That's about the age mine found videos on youtube on Asperger's and started watching them.

As far as telling teachers, again, up to you. Personally, I would because mine has always had such a hard time with other kids picking on him. We also had an IEP in place since our guy was 3, so the teachers automatically find out. Now, if you choose not to tell him and decide to tell his teachers, they will have to know that they know and he does not. You don't want him finding out from a teacher.


Dawn-Owner for the very board you are reading right now!


MamaLauri
by Member on Jul. 5, 2014 at 10:34 AM

Welcome and hugs. You have already traveled a challenging road, now you and your son can learn skills to make things smoother.

People labeled as Aspergers and Autistic (ASD) frequently have right-brain and local connection dominance, so how they learn about the world and their world view is very different from left brain global connection dominant people.

Please look for sites that honestly portray ASD as a learning and thinking difference that is a mixed blessing, not as a disability. Most cases it is due to an interaction of genetically determined brain architecture and environment. Without support it can be a disability, but you sound caring, with a desire to learn and support. With support, the ASD world view can be a benefit especially in our techie future.

http://www.4mylearn.org/Social.html talks about the universal social cognitive challenges people labeled ASD have. These are learnable skills.  http://www.4mylearn.org/ExecutiveFunction.html talks about common pattern of ASD and ADHD executive function challenges and provides examples of what can be expected at a given age. For each find the age level he is currently at and divide by his age. For example Emotional Control, say a child is 10 and is currently at 5, his EFQ would be 5/10 or 50%. This indicates this child needs support to learn these skills. Again these skills are learnable or there exist reasonable tools to compensate.

Ages 10 through 14 is a time of much brain reorganization. This is the effect of hormones reaching the adult level. 85% of people labeled ASD are emotion blind and 40-60% are face blind. These are learnable skills, it is just harder to learn for ASD kids. Games to build these skills and theory to explain these skills can be found at http://www.4mylearn.org/Bookshelf/EmotionGames.html, http://www.4mylearn.org/EmotionRecognition.html,

http://www.4mylearn.org/Bookshelf/FaceGames.html,

http://www.4mylearn.org/PersonRecognition.html.



Quoting jtcarter14:

Thank you for your responses! Can you tell me what the best & most basic helps are for a parent? (i.e. website) I'm pretty lost since I'm totally new to this.

Will we need to tell our son that he has asperger's? And his teachers? As a 13 year old + his personality, I'm afraid he will not take it well...

 

jtcarter14
by New Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 7:18 AM

Thank you all for the responses! My son has a counseling appointment tomorrow morning, and I am hoping that I can sit in and have the counselor tell my son in a postive way about asperger's, give us information, and answer any questions.

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