my son having problem with my fiance

[ctripx3ler]

I am 35 and have a 17 year old son, I have never been married and my son h as never met his biological dad. I have recently gotten engaged. My son and I have always been extremly close and m yson has gotten along well with my fiance. Thats why these 2 comments he made recently are shocking to me. He asked me if we planned on ahving a baby after we got married I said yes we are John has no kids and I really want to have one with him. My son said oh well it wont be my real brother/sister so I will have nothing to do with it. I was beyond hurt and shocked. Then a few days ago when i was packing a suitcase me and my fiance are going away for a few days, my son came up to me pointed at a victorias secret bag I had on my bed that had lingerie in it, and said I cant believe that you are going to wear that for that fat slob, he dosent deserve you, thank he walked over to my suitcase and pulled a pait of my underwear out a pink lace thong and said "you shouldnt wear any of this stuff for him hes gross and dosent deserve to get to see you in any thing like this." My son has never had a problem with my fiance and has never made any comments to me about him or about our sex life I have no idea where this came from and I am more than a little hurt any advice out there this is tearing me apart.

[Jamiewebb]

Maybe he thinks if you have another baby that he will be forgotten. He has always had your attention and now he may be scared that he will lose it. I know when my dad remarried I was fine with her until I found out that she was going to stay in my life forever. There probably is a lot of jealous behavior  there, but I wouldn't worry it will pass give him some time. I know I changed.

[Tam_n_Fam]

I agree with the above reply.  The first thing I thought about what that he is afraid that once you and your fiance start your own family, he is afraid he won't be important anymore.  He is old enough to understand, but still at an age where those fears are still very real.  I am sure his friends tell him things also.  I would say have a real talk with him.  Listen to what he says (you don't have to agree but listen, try not to interrupt).  Then when he is done ask him why he feels this way, it may work, it may not.  He may realize that he is being silly if you reassure him.  But see why he thinks this way, and if you think it is a real problem and can't make any progress, then have him talk to someone he trusts, because sometimes you can't ignore things and they will go away.

[michelleil]

You also have to remember that he probably knows plenty of other kids who have younger sibilings and he hears that they don't get to do things, because they are stuck home watching them instead of hanging out. He is probably afraid that if you have a baby his social life is over!!

My sig other and his ex have a 18 year old and they have a just turned 3 year old. Their 18 year old takes care of the 3 year old every single day and has since he was born....I know at that age I would not have been thrilled about it either! 

[melodyroop]

my mom had my little sister when i was 15. and i toatlly tripped out on my mom.... she had me at 17. and i was almost 16 and she was preggo again it was crazy, i had so many questions and i did not like my stepfather... SO i understand the teen anguish.IMO u should. just talk to him about sex, life, children, marriage, family relationships. and the roles of parents and children..... He is angry because he has questions and feelings that directly conflict. My mil took a different approach, and my hub was 18 when she got remarried and had an abortion. she did not ask him to the wedding and she told us about the abortion 4 yrs later. my hub was upset. but i wasnt really shocked u know. 

[FancyKnots]

It's jealousy.  He feels like he has been the only man in your life up to now and this man is now stepping in and taking over.  He is also insecure about you having more children.  He feels like you won't love him anymore.  You need to sit with him and have a long talk.  Let him know no matter what you will be his mom and you two will always have a special relationship.  He's almost an adult and you deserve a life of your own when he is gone.  Before long he will be starting his own life and where will that leave you. 

I had a similar but different issue with my 19 year old.  My husband raised him but is not his biological father.  They were having a lot of issue around the time he turned 18.  He gave me an ultimatum. He said either it was my husband or him.  As much as it hurt I told him I was not going to break up a 14 year marriage for my adult son.  If he could not live with the rules of the house he was going to find his own way.  I love my son, but he is a man now.  Where would I be if I divorced my husband for him.  He would start his life as an adult and I would be left with nothing.

You're almost done raising him and I'm sure you've done a good job.  It's your turn. 

Good luck.  This is a tough one.