I will be having my divorce be final in a couple weeks. My children have been through a great deal of turmoil the last year, especially with their SD. I have been getting lonely once in a while but I know that I am nowhere near ready to date. Once I do feel I am ready- would really be fair to the kids for me to bring someone else into their lives?
I don't think it would be but I would appreciate the input from you ladies.
ok- I dont know how old your kids are, but if you feel you are ready to date, go for it- just take it slow. There is no reason to bring everyone you meet into their lives. You can easily go on a date without introducing the man to your children. Take it slow. once you have dated a guy for a while and you think things maybe getting more serious, then bring him around the kids.... slowly. Good Luck momma- and I hope it all works out for you.
I completely agree with the last poster. I understand the lonliness. Been there honey! I've been separated from my (soon-to-be) ex since October of 2006. As awful as it may sound, I dated another man for almost a year. We kept the kids out of it. He and I both have children. You go with what you feel is right in your heart. 
Definitely do date when you're ready, but never bring home someone you don't know well. Your kids are depending on you to keep things as normal as possible right now. Do not bring strangers into your home. Go out, have fun, but as for introducing your kids to people you date, don't do it unless he's really worth it and your kids agree to meeting them. Once that happens, don't force him down their throats by having him around all the time and placing him in an authoritative role in their lives too soon. You could really cause some damage to their psyches.
Its not bad to date at all! Just be careful and take it slowly!
I have been divorced since 03 and have 1 dd who is 9 now. She has only met 3 guys I have dated since then. Most seemed upstanding guys but actually ended up being jerks after time. Very glad I didn't introduce her to them. The ones she did meet we parted as friends.
She also has no father figure but my dad and bros have stepped in so she is doing well there. Is your ex going to be in your childrens lives? I hope so. It will help because they will see him Dating as well as know you are. Its healthy to move on after time.
My husband and I have a contractual agreement that upon having kids we would not allow the kids to see us date nor would we remarry until the kids were 18 and out of the house. No step parents allowed. We would also live in the house together and continue raising the kids together until 18. We are in this 100%. This is all in case of a divorice.
We dont care what others have done or do we dont judge. But hubby and I both came from broken families. Both our parents dated and remarried. We became back burners. I am sure my mom didnt try but she brought alot of scum home. And I guess hubby and I want to make sure our kids are first. Our parents took thier needs above us as kids. So for us this is not something we would do. When my mother finally got remarried I suffered years and years of abuse. She had no idea. She couldnt see the bad in the man she loved.
Their ages are 4, 3, 2 and 8 months.
Quoting Crystallynn:
ok- I dont know how old your kids are, but if you feel you are ready to date, go for it- just take it slow. There is no reason to bring everyone you meet into their lives. You can easily go on a date without introducing the man to your children. Take it slow. once you have dated a guy for a while and you think things maybe getting more serious, then bring him around the kids.... slowly. Good Luck momma- and I hope it all works out for you.
I'm not an expert because I was only a single mom for a year between my ex and my husband. I was raised by a single mom though. I was really young when I broke up with my ex and my son was only 1. I dated quite a bit during that year, but my husband was the first guy that I let near my son. I would tell the guys that they were not allowed to meet him until things were serious. Most either accepted it or went away.
My parents divorced when I was 12 and my mom did not date. I saw her become more and more bitter over time. She really needed the companionship. She said it was not right to date because of us and since we were kids and didn't know any better we did not encourage her to date. Now I wish someone would have encouraged her. She became very lonely. Finally after we were all adults (I was the youngest) she started dating this guy. It did not last very long, but she actually seemed happy for a while. Unfortunately she waited too long and became sick with dementia.
In other word, don't wait till it's too late. Enjoy your life. Yes be a great mom, but you deserve a life too.
Good luck.
Tina
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Quoting shymom24:
My husband and I have a contractual agreement that upon having kids we would not allow the kids to see us date nor would we remarry until the kids were 18 and out of the house. No step parents allowed. We would also live in the house together and continue raising the kids together until 18. We are in this 100%. This is all in case of a divorice.
We dont care what others have done or do we dont judge. But hubby and I both came from broken families. Both our parents dated and remarried. We became back burners. I am sure my mom didnt try but she brought alot of scum home. And I guess hubby and I want to make sure our kids are first. Our parents took thier needs above us as kids. So for us this is not something we would do. When my mother finally got remarried I suffered years and years of abuse. She had no idea. She couldnt see the bad in the man she loved.
Coming from a broken home myself all I can say is take it one day at a time. My dad would have a new girl around every other weekend when he and my mom split up. My mom only had one boyfriend. My dads been married now for about 20 years and my mom never remarried. Even though I was young I still remember and believe me kids know alot more than we give them credit for.
Crud, I don't know what I just did in the previous post, sorry.
Anyway, regarding the question -- it's all in a matter of what you hold as priority. If you personally don't want to bring in another party, even after dating for a long time without the kids meeting them etc etc etc, then don't do it. The priority should always remain the safety, health and happiness of the children. That's the committment that comes along with being a parent. With that said, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with dating after divorce, when you're ready and when the kids are ready.
Most everyone has experienced lonliness at one time or another. Get "toy". Get out of the house and join a group or get active in the community. Have a girls night. There are things you can to do occupy your mind if you choose not to involve a man in the home. Not to mention, there are "no strings" type relationships for those who simply want a physical connection and nothing more. No shame, no committment and no ties.
For the person who posted about staying in the same house after divorce, I understand your concept of wanting the children to be raised by bio parents only, but it's unrealistic and unhealthy to assume you two can tolerate each other for years after a divorce in the same home. There is a reason for divorce. For instance, let's just say your husband cheated on you with his secretary, leading to a divorce. Are you saying you will sit in the same house with him and raise the children? In doing so you would essentially be teaching your children that living in a loveless cohabitation is "normal", instead of giving yourself the opportunity to avoid the mistakes of your own parents and still carry on with a healthy, happy environment for the kids. IMO.
Your thoughts on pregnant mothers who smoke, drink ect while pregnant
- imknattie
on Nov. 1, 2009 at 11:45 PM