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What would you do?

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 9:00 AM
  • 14 Replies

I'm kind of lost right now and could use some advice.  My husband of almost 10 years decided one night last month he was done and moved out.  We have 6 kids and he knows that I have no income coming in with me in school. Hes not helping me finacially at all right now besides him giving me half of the income tax. And now he tells me that he wants to try and work on things by just dating again and not living togeather.  I don't know if it would be smart to trust him again or not.  I still love him but I don't know if its smart or not to do this. He expects things that are unreasonable and thinks that I should just agree to them.  Thats a whole different topic there I wont get into right now.  What would you girls do in this sitaution?

 




 




                                  


                                         Jenni




 




 

by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 9:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SalemWitchChild
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 9:05 AM

What things does he expect as "unreasonable"? Personally if he hasn't cheated or been abusive and you were once happy I think you could do a couples counseling. See where things went wrong first and then see if they are fixable. If they are and this is what you want date again. If not move on. Whatever the issues, don't let finances decide. There is plenty of help out there for single mothers.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Feb. 15, 2010 at 9:25 AM


Quoting SalemWitchChild:

What things does he expect as "unreasonable"? Personally if he hasn't cheated or been abusive and you were once happy I think you could do a couples counseling. See where things went wrong first and then see if they are fixable. If they are and this is what you want date again. If not move on. Whatever the issues, don't let finances decide. There is plenty of help out there for single mothers.

Well said.

This is what I was going to say. You also have to take your feelings into consideration. Finances aside, do you want him back? Do you feel like you can trust him and what he says? Is it the best thing for you and your children? Good luck with what ever you decide. ((Hugs))

singlemomof2nok
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 10:10 AM

I am sorry, I couldn't do it.  I would not take him back on his terms.  He is the one that left, so it would have to be on my terms.  But that is just my opinion.

Andl2ea
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 4:33 PM

what the hell is this guy thinking?  leaving you with 6 kids, in the middle of school, with no income?  now he wants to date you?  are you suppose to pay for these dates to?  how about you tell him its either he moves back in, if he wants the relationship, go to counseling with you, or man the hell up and take care of the kids he didnt mind making with you?  i realize marriage and especially 6 kids can be really stressful but parents and spouses arent aloud to get "breaks"  you have to find positive ways to deal with it or you will go insane.

if he doesnt want these things and still doesnt help you then you need to file for child support.  if you dont want to then file for state assistance.  they will be forced to get child support from him and then it wont be "your fault".  i know its hard because you still love him and have been with him for so long but realize he didnt think twice about leaving and not helping you so why give in to him?  he got the easy way out.  my older son's dad left me high and dry with no support.  he owes me 10k right now.  no one knows where he is.  he didnt give 2 shits about my son and wont even contact him.

dont let this guy take advantage of you.  he knows you are in a weak spot right now so the ball is in his court.  start preparing to do this on your own and show him you dont need him to help you.  that will probably drive him insane knowing you are doing so well on your own :)  guys are cowards and i sware they piss me off.  its so easy to leave the wife/girlfriend with all the responsibility and run off.  boooo!  dont be scared you can do this :)

sophiesmom07
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 6:13 PM

I'm sorry, but I would be infuriated!  Whether you decide to try again or not, he needs to provide for you and your children! If it means filing for child support so be it.  How are you supposed to survive!?  If you do want him back, suggest couples counseling and come to some sort of agreement as to how he will be providing for you in the meantime. If this is "unreasonable" to him then do what yo have to, file for child support. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope things work out for you.

peachwine
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 7:41 PM

Im sorry but to me it sounds like he wants to have his cake and icecream. To just out the blue he walks out... sounds like he already found some ice cream. If you want him back then I would do it your way... if you dont want him back..tell him to go get a puppy, because he wont be able to afford a girlfriend when you get done.

I wished I had more backbone when I went through my divorce. I thought I never be happy again... God had it all under control when I didnt even have any faith at the time.

 

kassia02
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 7:47 PM

I say you just have to go with what you feel and pray on it. A friend of mine went through a similar experience and the dating again scenario actually helped their communication. I would however no matter what you decide, get something in place so that your children are provided for. I am not sure if that is legal separation papers or an inplace child support order, but do take everything into consideration and do what is best for you and your kids. I honestly have no idea what I would do.

Polkadotted
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 8:02 PM

Can you request CS through the courts while you are separated?  Even if he wants to work on it and got through all the steps he wants plus counseling.  Then you can slowly decide if you can trust him and still have your children supported financially.

Fairywings1223
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 8:17 PM


Quoting SalemWitchChild:

What things does he expect as "unreasonable"? Personally if he hasn't cheated or been abusive and you were once happy I think you could do a couples counseling. See where things went wrong first and then see if they are fixable. If they are and this is what you want date again. If not move on. Whatever the issues, don't let finances decide. There is plenty of help out there for single mothers.

Well I dont know how to put it but like this he wants to be with me and another female at once which I can't beleive he would even ask me that.  Sorry in advance for the topic if it upsets anyone.

 




 




                                  


                                         Jenni




 




 

Fairywings1223
by on Feb. 15, 2010 at 8:18 PM

Thanks for all the suggestions I'm hoping and praying I make the right decision..

 




 




                                  


                                         Jenni




 




 

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