My 11 yr old is sending me through the roof right now. I woke up and told both my kids that I was going to the store to pick up some things today. So they both asked me if they could get a drink or a snack. I said sure if you clean up the house for me and do not argue. They start cleaning and immediately its an arguement. My 11 yr old was still sitting on the couch playing the Wii while the 7yr old is cleaning. So I start yelling at him and tell him to get off his butt and clean. The ENTIRE time he is cleaning he is talking crap to me under his breath.
Then, the 11yr old starts saying "I dont know why I have to clean this stuff up its not mine!" tossing things around etc. Meanwhile the whole time my 7yr old has been cleaning/playing with no issues. I go take a shower and get out. The house is still not clean so at this point Im yelling. They both finally get done and I tell my 11yr old to take a shower. I go in my room, come back out, and my kid is still sitting there not taking a shower! Now Im yelling at this kid yet again and he starts talking crap to me again. Its a neverending fight with this kid. I want him to just cooperate and not fight everything I say. He is so lazy and it pisses me off. I dont know what to do to get this kid to straighten up and Ive even looked into military schools.
Now they are both going to ask me if they can have a drink/snack at the store and Im going to tell the 11yr old no and the 7yr old yes just because he didnt argue with me. This means the older one will be a brat all day and treat me like crap more. I cant win.
Stick to your guns Mom and don't give him a snack if you feel that he doen't deserve it. Yelling will not solve anything. It adds unnessary stress to your life. It's simple.... Just tell him if he doesn't do his chores he will not get a snack.. If he does it great ! If he doesn't , He doesn't get anything. Give him one more chance and a time limit. but let him know you mean business !
Oh, I totally feel ya!! My 11 year old son thinks he's Kind of the Castle. He sometimes treats his 13 and 3 year old brothers like crap. I just tell him that I will treat him how he acts and my biggest thing is taking stuff from him. He has once only had a bed and dresser in his room for almost a month!! he was very respectful for quite a while after that. Once he started to talk back to me or not do something he was told then I remind him that he can sit in an empty room and he seems to think twice. Also I am big on not setting a certain amount of time for his groundings I just tell him he is grounded "Until further notice" He hates not knowing how long he's got. he also knows that means until I think he deserves it. It really does help. Ecspecially when he see's his brothers enjoying things that he could be if he'd show some respect and do what he's told. Good Luck!!!
you can try reading "how to talk o kids will listen" worth a shot
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380570009
Quoting momto3lilmen:Also I am big on not setting a certain amount of time for his groundings I just tell him he is grounded "Until further notice" He hates not knowing how long he's got. he also knows that means until I think he deserves it.
This was something my parents did that I swore I would NEVER do. IMO, it's incredibly unfair, and teaches your children nothing. It just makes you look like you aren't sticking to your guns (if they get out early), or alternately being mad and punishing rather than disciplining (if they feel it's gone on too long).
You might try setting a specific date he'll be grounded, starting with a shorter period of time and having it get longer and longer if he does the same thing more than once. Kids need boundaries in order to respect you. Grounding him "until further notice" doesn't accomplish that.
Good luck :)
My son is 15.
He almost didn't survive 11. And he's the most passive, loving kid on the planet. But something in the brain chemistry at 11 turned him into this weird man-child-beast that made me want to sell him to passing gypsies, the circus, or a science lab.
I'm thinking of suggesting legislation to allow voluntary medically induced comas for 11 year old boys...I think the world would be a SANER place, lol.
thanks for the help ladies. the only problem i have with all this is that ive tried it all. if i ground him i always tell him how long but when i do ground him he gets into more trouble. he tells me he hates me or hates living in the house. i dont want to yell at him and i feel very guilty for it but i cant help it. he had me so mad today that my stomach was hurting. im on stress medication and i try to control myself but he knows how to push my buttons. thats what hubby tells me. he just makes it so unbareable to be around. i try to be nice to him but he doesnt give me the chance.
when i try to talk to him about why he is in trouble he yells over me and then i say fine im not talking to you until you calm down. then he yells from his bedroom talking crap to me or my husband. he will get really destructive sometimes when he is mad and will trash his whole room with papers and toys. i cant believe how he acts sometimes. i cant even get the kid to change his clothes every day. i hope that he changes with age. im just afraid he is going to hate me.
Maybe its time for s different approach with him. i have 3 grown children and went through it all with my kids. I would have a discussion with your dh about him on how to handle this situation. And with him and his hormones hes probably miserable and doesnt know why hes going through this either. Go have a talk with him and leave out the yelling.....I will say this to not criticize.....but my son would yell at us all the time and his therapist told us one day that if you yell at your child he will only yell back in thinking this is normal behavior....if you talk to him in a lower tone and go to him in a private area and have an eye to eye conversation with him....it will be tough......but youll see there will be a different tone in his voice....when you have this talk with him...ask him if theres anything bothering him at school at home and ask if theres anything that YOU can do to make things easier here...and try a gentle approach to this and maybe try a little one on one with each one of the kids so that way they feel theyre getting a little attention from both parents....sometimes kids will rebel when they feel they dont get enough attention....but, i hope things will get better for you and for him.....maybe theres something going on with him that maybe you need to really talk to him...you never know......sometimes when our kids act out this way...in being destructive....could be a warning of something....im not trying to scare you in anyway but just have a gentle talk with him and see if he opens up to you. good luck.
My 11 year old son was the same way, did the same things mentioned. The ONLY thing that has helped is counseling. His counselor helps him learn different ways to handle and express himself. He has done a complete 180 since starting, sure he still has bad days but not near as harsh as they were!
Good Luck!
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Does DH know you are in cafe mom?
- Andl2ea
on Mar. 20, 2010 at 3:51 PM