Outgrowing friendships

[Mom2Kyle03]

Hi Ladies! Have you noticed that as you are getting older, you have less patience for other people's ignorance?  Since hitting my late 30's I have noticed that I have ZERO tolerance for people and their stupidity, laziness and ignorance. I don't even want to be friends with some of the people I grew up with because I feel that we just don't have the same ideas or goals in life. Do you think it's possible to outgrow a friendship? When is it time to end a friendship that is just bringing more drama to your life? I have been friends with someone for over 20 years, we are each other's children's Godparents. We grew up together and have always beena HUGE part of one another's lives. But over the past three years or so (since I got divorced), things have DRASTICALLY changed. She ended up marrying my EX HUSBANDS BEST FRIEND (whom I disliked when he was friends with my husband) and that I beleive was the beginning of the end. While I was going through hell with my ex, her relationship with her now husband was blossoming. She was happy in her new relationship and I was miserable in my separation and divorce. We began to grow apart. I moved to Wisconsin and she lives in the city so we hardly saw each other. It was hard for me to be around her anyway because I disliked her boyfriend ( I blame him for alot of the issues in my marriage). We have tried to keep the friendship alive but at this point it is so strained that I really don't even want to. We grew to be different people. I am a country girl living in Wisconsin with my son and new fiance. She is a city girl living with her rich husband (whom I can not STAND). Our SO's get along but really have nothing in common so that adds to the differences in our own friendship. I am really OK with letting the frienship go, she is not. I have other friends in my life whom I seldom have drama or issues with. She has no one. She does not even get along with her own family (that should tell you something about her). How do I just let it fade without SAYING I don't want to be a part of this anymore? I don't want to hurt her, but I can not continue the constant push and pull of our relationship any longer. I am always the one who is wrong in her eyes and she never sees what she does to hurt me. We have been fighting for two days now and because for the FIRST TIME in 25 years, I REFUSE to give in and apologize, she says I am an asshole. I will not kow tow to her any longer. I just won't.

Anyway, has anyone else experienced this with a long term friend? How do I handle this situation in a dignified manner without hurting her?

Thanks for letting me vent.

[mrswillie]

I truely believe that as people age, they change, so yes it is def. possible to outgrow a friendship.  I found that when I met my new husband, I changed.  We to, moved to the country, thus putting distance between my friends & I.  I also for I left the drama behind, since a lot of my "old" friends were as well, in the same "crowd" as my exhusband.  In order to ri the drama, I had to "rid" some of the friendships.  in turn, I have been remarried for all most 9 years now and we have made a life for ourselves which includes "our" friends rather than "his" or "my" friends.

[ECMOM970]

Sounds like in the beginning you resented her for being happy and in love plus she was with the man that you blame for the end of your marriage. If you want to be her friend you have to look past all of that. I believe you can out grow a friendship - my bff since 3rd grade and I have done that. She is more into living it up and enjoying single life while I am happily married. We are still friends and still see each other we just don't hang out like we use too. If you do not want to be her friend then don't!

[LilMommaInSC]

I definately believe you can outgrow a long standing friendship.  People get older and they change. 

[brandoneaglemom]

My suggestion and only a light suggestion is to just take a break from each other before you call it quits.....but i think its quite unfair of her to have dated someone that has caused grief in your marriage...i find that distasteful in her to do that!! its almost like dating the ol ex and marrying him!!

I firmly believe that friends should honor and respect their friends and respect their feelings. And perhaps it didnt happen that way. you both have changed very much in your lives and yes, ppl do out grow eachother and thats just the way it goes. I think too much has happened in your friendship to be able to have any closure...in regards to moving past the situation. But, if you decide to take the break for a bit and you decide that its best to move on....let her know that you have loved her as a friend and have a peaceful ending...that way it will be easier to move on. im sorry after so many years that you have to deal with such saddness. i hope that your break away you can forgive her!!