So, my SO and I have been dating off and on for a year, with an additional year of finally settling into a wonderful commited relationship where we live with one another, he is involved in my older childrens lives and we are raising a 5 month old together. Its hands down the most healthy, positive, loving, mutually respectful relationship I have EVER been in. This is the one. I know it is.
2 and half years now of this relationship.....
How do I feel out the question of marriage ( i am divorced) without freakin the poor guy out. You would think with where we are, even talking about it would seem logical....but...this guy is pretty resistant to change. We have taken our time, to make sure this right, and he has been very reasonable about not rushing into this with me, secifically because of the kids. Now he takes care of all us very well, doesnt have an anger issue, nor do I worry he is not comitted too me.
I just want that question.
Side Note to the question...why is it so important for me to have that paper, if I am completely happy and secure in our relationship?
My guess would be that its important to you b/c of your upbringing? Were you raised to believe that you should be married? Are your parents still together?
I am definitely the same way...I wanted the "piece of paper". I got it & am still in it. But I think if he never would've asked me to marry him, I'd still be in the relationship. If you do talk to him about it...just make it like its no big deal, you're just curious if its something he'd ever be interested in doing. I just wouldn't push the issue too hard...he may get scared if you do.
I definitely feel like stating to him, its not something i have to have. Ive been there and done that. A piece of paper did not make that unhealthy relationship any better, in fact it made it worse, and a huge burden to get out of.
I will love him and continue to be with him regardless if we marry.
But yeah, its definitely the upbringing and religious stuff, plus I kinda want the party ;)
SInce he is also so responsible with money and what not, I thought about discussing the legal and benefits side, but that makes it so unromantic LOL.
Side Note to the question...why is it so important for me to have that paper, if I am completely happy and secure in our relationship?
No, the paper doesn't make you happy. The paper does, however, give you legal rights. If something were to happen to him, his family could over-rule any decision you try to make regarding his treatments or funeral arrangements.
Terri
Your right, I do feel legally it is something we need to do. Specifically since he is a stroke survivor, and has a few medical issues, such as llimited movement in his right side. I mean he walks, drives, leads a completely normal life....and because we did take it slow, I know his family doesnt feel like I am just taking advantage of him...well most of them lol.
It also helps that he is extemely attractive. ;)
I want it, but as I said the real issue is how to approach it, without being a "big deal", or seemingly out of the blue. Do a dinner, and be serious? Spontaniously mention it in a fun moment of laughing and hugging? Definitely not before or after "making out" heh. How do you let him know you want it, without making him feel pressure that he has to do it and he wanted it to be his idea?
Have a serious conversation about it with him. Tell him your reasons for wanting to get married. Then let him tell you his reasons for or against it. This can be a friendly "debate" so that both of you know where the other stands. No need for pressure. Don't make it seem like you are actually asking, as I said, just bring it up in conversation.
Quoting herspace:
Your right, I do feel legally it is something we need to do. Specifically since he is a stroke survivor, and has a few medical issues, such as llimited movement in his right side. I mean he walks, drives, leads a completely normal life....and because we did take it slow, I know his family doesnt feel like I am just taking advantage of him...well most of them lol.
It also helps that he is extemely attractive. ;)
I want it, but as I said the real issue is how to approach it, without being a "big deal", or seemingly out of the blue. Do a dinner, and be serious? Spontaniously mention it in a fun moment of laughing and hugging? Definitely not before or after "making out" heh. How do you let him know you want it, without making him feel pressure that he has to do it and he wanted it to be his idea?
Terri
To be honest I wouldn't be thinking about marriage now for you. The first thing you stated was you were dating on and off for a year. How long have you been with him straight. Once you are are in a stable relationship where he is with you for 2 years or so straight I would think about marriage then. Continue growing and learning about each other. If you have been with him straight for 2 years, ignore what I have just said. Men and even woman's ability to confront their anger can change over time. No one is perfect. Do not use his ability to have anger issues be a reason to be married. Marriege means team work and working as a union. Communication is basically what it is. Other then the legal reasons, including, insurance, etc., there is religious reasons, and the fact that the paper is public documentation. Who in love with someone would want their love for someone private?
I agree with OP.
Perhaps being divorced has made you feel a little insecure about stability...and by actually being married you can be more assured that this is a permanent situation. This could all be in your subconsious...ya know.
Good luck honey. I am sure he will pop the question soon.
Maybe you should drop hints. Maybe say...I think if we ever got married I would want it to be nice a small during the summer....or something to that effect.
~ Michelle
Well, yeah thats what I meant sorry for the wierd wording. We first met almost 2 and half years ago, and have been friends that would date, but it was not until a year later that we became committed to one another, and now living together, so it took quite a while in my opinion for us to finally become a "couple". Now we have been in a serious relationship for about a year and half.
But thanks for the input, I definitely agree with not rushing into it, and waiting too make sure we are fully aware of each other, and our expectations within a long term relationship. :)
I could definitely see how my past experience is what is making me ancy. I was a young pregnant girl, and my parents pushed both of us, and it was an unhealthy relationship from the start, and I swore to myself, never again....
I used too think that I was completely satisfied with being single (been 9 years) and if I did think I needed someone to help shoulder the load....I would just look around and settle for what was around me. But to be happy, and loved. I mean truly happy. Its an amazing feeling. So now, I feel like if I were ever to get married again, it would be because I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this man....no one else. :)
I know I am probably making people want to gag. I kinda want to myself LOL>
Watching the morning news made me cry food prices doubleing
4 month old daughter needs a name - please vote
- herspace
on Mar. 31, 2010 at 10:36 AM