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What age is appropriate for "The Talk"?

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:55 AM
  • 9 Replies

My son is 11 and I have already found evidence of his curiosity on his computer.  Nowadays I know these kids are starting at a very scary young age.  How do I start out with the talk? Should I let my husband talk to him alone? I really would rather do it on my own. My son talks to me about girls, not my husband. I take this as him being comfortable with me, that's why I'd like to talk to him about sex, but I don't know how. 

Mind you, he doesn't go out. My mom says that's why he turns to the computer. But he'll be starting Jr. High soon and that kinda scares the crap out of me. He's my firstborn, so ladies help me out please!shrugging

by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 10:55 AM
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jlm2676
by Jen on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:32 AM

I would maybe start by asking him questions now.  Ask him what he knows and what attracts him to girls.  Then go from there.  Also you might want to go and do something just the two of you so you are not interrupted by your other kids. 

When DS is old enough, Dh is going to talk to him.  Maybe what you can do is have both you and your DH do something with just him (if possible).  That way he knows he can go to both of you.

Mom2jngnc
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:45 AM

 I find that asking what they know or think they know is a good starting point.

My DH had to have the talk with our oldest at 12, and then he still wanted nothing to do with it (ds that is). Our 10 yr. old had the talk a couple of weeks ago, when he read the word virgin in a book. We were happy to have made it past his 10th B-day.

Orionsgirl
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:46 AM

I gave the in-depth talk to my oldest when he was about 10 or 11 and we continue to talk. I give a watered down version to my 8 yr old. Just to open up communication and make it not "weird".

LilBldSoccerMom
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:48 AM

 I found that asking them first helped a lot.  I learned my 12 year old DD knew a lot more than I thought she would.  We went straight into the sex talk and the oral sex talk. 

Who knew she would have known all that.  We don't even have cable or let her watch movies above a PG13 rating.  I guess they learn it from their friends.

jennshart
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 11:51 AM

 

   I did the same thing with my two boys, just talked to them about their bodies and certain changes and when I was with my oldest alone, I went into things a little deeper.  If you act like it's a normal thing, then they won't feel the need to keep things hidden from you.  You don't have to give them everything at once, just a small talk here and there shouldn't overwhelm them. 

Quoting Orionsgirl:

I gave the in-depth talk to my oldest when he was about 10 or 11 and we continue to talk. I give a watered down version to my 8 yr old. Just to open up communication and make it not "weird".


steelcrazy
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 1:33 PM

Wow, you haven't talked sex with your 11 year old?!  I'm guessing that he has learned alot already at school and from friend.  My oldest son is 9 and we had "the big sex talk" last year when he was 8.  I wanted to have the foundation there before puberty hit and for most boys puberty hits between 9 and 10 years old.

I would start out asking him what he already knows, correct any wrong info that he may have gotten along the way, answer any questions that he may have honestly, and try hard to keep the lines of communitcation open.  You want him to come to you instead of his friends or the computer like he has been doing.  Good luck and try to not be nervous and/or embarassed.  We all do it, so there is no shame in saying SEX at all.

emarin77
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Well let him know if he has any questions with how he is changing physically or girls you can answer his questions..  I suggest not doing a teaching lesson unless he asks first.  He might not be interested and not listen.  You can also give him a book about male physical changes and girls too. That is what my dad told and gave me.  I actually asked about physical changes myself.  So don't be alarmed if he asks you himself first. 

lynmelyn
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 3:03 PM

The first thing that comes to mind is the lessons they teach in "health" or whatever class it may be at school. I did not want my son to be learning anything at school. I went to the school and asked to see what they teach. It's a lot of factual knowledge.. body parts, where semen goes, functions, but they go into things like wet dreams, too. If a child asks a question, they wouldn't answer, they'd say go ask your parents or send them to the library. That just wasn't good enough for me.

My oldest son is now 16, but when he about 11 or 12, he was browsing the internet and just googling "sex" and things like that. His dad asked him if he had any questions about what he saw. I think my son was more embarassed than anything. If I were you, I'd use that bond that you have with your son in this type of conversation. I'd see what he knows and add just enough to answer any questions he may have. I'd also ask what his friends have told him and go from there. Friends are kids' best source of knowledge on this sort of thing.. at least kids think they are.  Good luck!!

montiel
by on Apr. 1, 2010 at 5:08 PM

Thanks ladies. You've all been helpful!

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