Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is It Too Much To Ask?????

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:09 AM
  • 14 Replies

So, last year my husband and I let one of his friends move in.  He was in the process of getting a divorce, didn't want to leave the area, and we could use the extra help with bills around the house.  So, it worked out for all of us.

He's had it made pretty much the entire time.  He paid 1/3 of the rent and all the bills including groceries, and he didn't have to cook, I cooked all the meals as long as him and my husband cleaned it up.  It worked out great.

Then, he started dating this girl.  After he lost his job due to a DUI (he was an outside salesman for a beer company, so this was a huge deal to the company) he had her move in.  Actually, he didn't want her to move in, but she was already staying at our house 6 nights out of the week and eating our food.  This went on for about 2 months.  In Dec. I finally told him that he needed to decide what he wanted to do.  He said he didn't want to have her move in.  I told him that was fine, but the grocery bill was going to be split in half since she ate her anyways, and that she would now not be allowed to spend the night (though she could still come over everyday) more than 2 times a week, otherwise the following month all the bills would be split in half cause we could no longer afford to pick up the extra usage on the bills for her being there.

She loved this idea.  She was all about moving in permanently.  He was not, he wanted his space.  But, because he lost his good paying job for an extremely lower paying job, he had no choice but to allow the change happen and go to halves on all the bills.

Then 2 months ago she started complaining about the grocery bill.  I was apparently spending too much for her liking.  Now, let me explain, I spend a lot of money on groceries during the winter because we don't have our garden going, and I like to use a lot of fresh products.  The most I spend is $250 a week, but that's usually on weeks where we need everything, diapers, paper towels, toilet paper, food, laundry detergent, and the such.  However, I'm very thorough when deciding the bill, and I delete all the things that are just for my family, and only make them pay half for dinners while letting them get their own snacks unless they otherwise specify that they would like me to pick something up.  Their bill was no mare than $80 a week, that's $40 a week per person to eat, not cook, and didn't even include any gas expense to get from our house to the store (we live 30 minutes away from the  closest grocery store).

So, finally, one day after listening to her complain (she never did it in front of me because she was afraid of me.  She would wait until it was just my husband) about how I'm wasting everyone's money on groceries and scamming them to help pay for our half, my husband said that it was enough and that she was now in charge of getting their groceries and we would worry about our own groceries.  She now realizes (cause I've seen her receipts) that I wasn't scamming her out of money.  Plus, her boyfriend (our roommate) doesn't help her out with dinners, cleaning, or the shopping.  She is expected to do it all, whereas if I'm having a hard day or have school work my husband will help me cook and clean up after dinner.

Since changing to they get theirs and we get ours, we separated the fridge and the freezer.  I also do a lot of baked goods for my business that I sell, therefore I go through a lot of butter and eggs.  She doesn't buy either.  This past week I was making my son breakfast and I noticed that I was missing a stick of butter, and this morning I was missing 2 eggs.

Now, I'm not always the easiest person to get along with.  I'm willing to admit it, and my husband will strongly agree.  But, I'm not a mean person either.  After all, it's just 2 eggs and 1 stick of butter.  But, is it too much to ask that they ask before they take my stuff?  Chances are I'd say yeah, sure, go ahead and use what you need.  But, I still expect the courtesy of being asked.  I don't just randomly take their groceries out of their cupboard or off their shelves to use for my family.  I expect the same.

M husband says to just let it slide.  That she probably didn't ask because she's afraid of me.  I think that's a cop out.  If you're really truly afraid of me, then, in my opinion, you would never even think of taking anything of mine without asking for permission first.

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:09 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
offrdngal
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:13 AM

I think you will be better off by giving both of them a notice of 30 days to get out.  I think it's time for them to get out of your home.  I don't care if it was one egg or one sliver of butter missing, she didn't have the right to touch your stuff. 

Terri

nikilax
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:20 AM

I hear ya.  Whichever one it was, should have asked you first instead of stealing from you.

I would be thoroughly annoyed as well.  Some people just don't get it until they have to do it on their own.

jeweldog
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:22 AM

I agree... time for them to find their own place and get a life.

Quoting offrdngal:

I think you will be better off by giving both of them a notice of 30 days to get out.  I think it's time for them to get out of your home.  I don't care if it was one egg or one sliver of butter missing, she didn't have the right to touch your stuff. 


milach_i_am
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:26 AM

If you can afford to kick them all out...... I sure as heck would. He had no business allowing her to move in anyways.

Another solution, if you have the room.... make them put a second fridge in the garage. That way... there is no question as to what belongs to who. I'm sure if confronted.... she'll come up with some BS, "oops, I thought that was mine".

TennesseeVols_1
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:42 AM

 I AGREE !!!!

Quoting offrdngal:

I think you will be better off by giving both of them a notice of 30 days to get out.  I think it's time for them to get out of your home.  I don't care if it was one egg or one sliver of butter missing, she didn't have the right to touch your stuff. 

 

Moonbeam_Sea
by Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:42 AM

I think if it were me, I'd have a discussion with them about it and give it as a warning.  If they do it again, they are out.  I need to be able to trust whoever lives in my house, but I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I wouldn't toss them out without discussing it, unless something like this has happened before and discussions have failed.  It's not like they are your kids going through a rebellious phase, or something.  Sheesh.

Zakysmommy
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:52 AM

I would boot them both out. 

Rans
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:57 AM

Tell them rent is going up $25 each a month to compensate for the stolen food.  I don't understand why grown adults find the need to act like that.  You have more patience than I would in that situation.

luvsjourney
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:58 AM

I think their time is up! I mean really, I agree, if you and your family can now afford it, give them notice. However, I agree with you, out of common courtesy she should've asked. Especially considering she made such a big deal out of the grocery bill. Great idea to let her handle her own bill, now let her run her own home, and show her the door. I wish you and your family all the best whatever you decide. ;)

deedra979
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:03 PM

I think it's probably time to give them notice to get out.  It seems like it's a slightly problematic situation at the moment, and could potentially escalate.  You don't need that around your kids!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)